Desiring More of Jesus

Sometimes I wish Jesus and  I could  be alone on a deserted island. There would be no distractions, just the two of us. Being.

Sure you might say that I have that when I pray. And that is true too. But after prayer I have to get back into the swing of things and continue on to an errand or an appointment or some task at home. On an island, I wouldn't have the distractions. I'd just have Jesus and we could be together, and there would be sweet  peace. Nobody else could walk over and disrupt our time together.

I wouldn't be hungry or thirsty or cold or hot or tired. I would be in complete peace. I wouldn't have to deal with gruff people like I have to do every day at my job. I wouldn't be assaulted by technology or TV or interuptions of any kind. I wouldn't have to get anxious about things happening at Church, or within the wider Church.  I wouldn't have to hear horrible news about shootings, bombs, terrorism or abortions. I could just look into Jesus' eyes. He has the most magnificient eyes you know. He is always patient and He always says the perfect thing. Sometimes He doesn't have to say anything at all and I know exactly what He means.

Jesus and I have been together a very long time and we have eternity ahead of us. I don't know if a deserted island is part of His plan. I guess for now I have to have 1:1 time with Jesus as I can get it. There are just so many distractions......

A Message from God

Here is a true story that has been entrusted to me:  Many years ago two friends went to Montreal, Canada - to St. Joseph's cathedral. If you've ever been there you know that the Cathedral is on top of a huge hill.  One friend was resting at the bottom of the hill in the pilgrim's house where they were staying, and the other went up to the Cathedral. Along the way she found a path to the Stations of the Cross that was to the left of the Cathedral and took it.

She didn't have any written Stations of the Cross prayers with her, so she made up her own prayers as she went. She was all alone on the path. It was a quiet day, blue sky, gentle breeze, perfect temperature. She got to the very top, the final station, and there was a big pool/fountain there. It was about 2' deep. She was at the top of the hill by the dome of the Cathedral. It was so high that small planes were flying just above the dome and she could read the numbers on the sides of the planes.

Anyway, she sat at the edge of a large rectangular pool/fountain and was enjoying the silence. After several minutes she heard someone say "I love you." It was a little louder than a whisper and sounded like it was right behind her. She turned around, thinking that perhaps there was a couple that had appeared, and one was saying "I love you" to the other. Nobody was there. ODD.  She turned back around and continued her thoughts and reflections.

A few minutes later again she heard "I love you". She turned around again thinking that perhaps this "couple" was coming up the path and was just beyond the bushes where she couldn't see them. She watched and waited. Nobody came into view. The odd thing was that it sounded like the words were said right behind her, not 10' away behind the bushes. ODD.  She turned back around and continued her thoughts and reflections. Totally alone.

Several minutes later again she hears "I love you." This time she spun around really fast - a bit scared and a bit annoyed - because the voice was so close. She looked around. NOBODY was there.  Feeling fairly freaked out at this point, she sat back down. She calmed herself, then the rest of the sentence came: "Tell My People that I love them."  At that moment, she knew Who it was.

She started crying. After a few minutes she thought that maybe she had lost her mind. I mean this was an AUDIBLE voice and now she was attributing this voice to GOD. Really......who hears God? Moses ! She was certainly no Moses.

She stayed up there quite a while thinking and reflecting and crying. It was an event where you know in your soul that it was truly God speaking. Even today when she closes her eyes, years and years later, she can remember that day as if it were yesterday, or even this very moment. As she reflected she was very aware that the message was not in a male's voice, nor a female's voice, but it was a voice just the same. Soft. Confident. Strong. It resonates within her to this very day.

Anyway.... what did she do with that experience? Well, she went down the big hill. She was supposed to meet her friend for dinner who, at this point, was waiting at the bottom of the hill, worried. She had been gone a very long time - two and a half hours or so.  This was before cell phones..... she apologized to her friend  because she lost track of the time.  Her friend asked what she was doing for so long ( because she was getting really hungry and it was almost passed dinner time ) and so, being that she was one of her best friends on the planet, she blurted out to her exactly what happened at the top of the hill.

Her friend was astounded. When she got to the final comment about telling God's people that He loves them, the friend began to cry. She asked her why she was crying and she said that while she was up the hill and she was resting in the pilgrim's house, she was thinking about their conversations about God on the ride towards Canada .  She told her friend that when she was resting in the pilgrim house she was wondering very deeply if God loved her, and then here her friend comes down the hill and blurts out the answer to her question.

Being that she told her friend that God loved her,she thought she had accomplished God's will. Maybe the message was just for her friend? As the days went by she thought about this message she received and realized that God said "People" not "person", so it had to be more than just one person. Since then, at various times in her life, she has felt called to tell certain people specifically that God loves them. It is a simple but profound message.

Why am I sharing this true story with all of you? Maybe because through this story you will come to see that God loves you too. He said so, and God's word will not come back void.

Important Questions

Do you ever why God created you at this time in human history?  

Do you ever wonder what you are supposed to be doing to make this world a better place? 

Do you ever wonder if you make a difference now in anyone's life? 

Do you feel you are using the gifts God gave you to your fullest potential?

Do you ever make the time for deep thoughts and deep discussions with the people in your life?

A recent TV report said that the IQs' of Americans are getting lower because we are so addicted to technology that we don't think for ourselves. We don't know how to read road maps anymore. We don't memorize phone numbers. We don't know how to have civilized debates or conversations. We don't think philosophically or think or talk about the really big issues in life. We don't realize that we are children of God anymore and our faith is going downhill. We don't talk about these things anymore....or at least many of us don't.

Today I am challenging you to think about these big questions.

Simplicity of Mind and Heart

Our world is getting way too complicated for me. All this high tech stuff drives me crazy. This blog is about as high tech as I get. People "encourage" me to get a cell phone that does more than just make phone calls or to get the latest gadget or to download apps and stuff. I've never downloaded an app and I have no desire to do so.

I understand that technology can help a lot. It has certainly helped spread the Gospel around the world. I mean, just this little blog alone has been read by people across the globe. So I'm not anti-technology. I just think it shouldn't run our lives and that we should have time for other things.

Technology can also be a vehicle for the devil - you know that little twerp down below.  He gets us so wrapped up in it that some of us have forgotten the finer things in life like an evening stroll with a friend and conversing about God and all things holy, or the twitter ( non technology word ) of birds, or the sound of a gentle breeze (I'm encountering one of those breezes now....). Or how about this.....even the sound of one's own thoughts?

I just heard on the radio of a study that was just done that showed how Americans' IQs have gone down since the advent of technology because we rely so heavily on it.  When tested without the aid of technology we are getting dumber.  They used the skill of map reading as an example. Lots of people have a GPS in their cars and have no more need of a map. I don't trust those GPSs. I have to use one for work once in a while and it makes me crazy. I purposely love to take a wrong turn just to hear the automated voice say "recalculating" !! LOL !!  Many times the GPS is wrong too. I do use mapquest on the computer and that is wrong sometimes too. So if I get lost I do the human thing: I stop and ask for directions!

So how does this tie into the title of this blog: "Simplicity of Mind and Heart"?  As Christians we are supposed to be singleminded towards God. Our world is so busy and technological that  we have to make a conscious effort to turn our minds towards God.  We also have to go beyond e-mails when communicating and focus on relationships in other ways.

Like St. Peter having to keep his eyes on Jesus lest he drown in the sea, we have to do the same except today the "sea" is technology. Like the saying goes: "Keep it Simple Stupid".  Jesus Himself said that we had to become like children and what are children like? They are simple and sweet and pure. They are honest and open and love unconditionally. Sadly once the world gets a hold of them that can change, but still we are called to center our lives around Christ and we must go forth in the world like "sheep among wolves" and we must be "as gentle as lambs but as wise as serpents".

I challenge all of you reading this today to think about how you can make your life more simple and your heart more focused on Jesus. I mean...do you really need to shop for four hours on a Saturday or have four TVs on in your house?  Do you have to constantly check your text messages ( I haven't done that yet either ) or take your cell phone when you go for a walk around the block?

Think about it. Pray about it. Thanks for reading my little blog.

Got Sin?

Do you know that I pray before I start writing my blogs?  I do. I know that whatever I'm writing will be read by someone else on the planet at some point in the future, so I want to make my message meaningful.  This is a challenge, so I must pray first and ask God what He wants me to write about. (Recently people from the US, Turkey, Jordan, Russia, and the Phillipines have read my blog! My blog stats don't tell me who reads the blogs, just where they are from and I find that interesting.)

Words have power and if perhaps a few of my words touch your soul or make you think, then I feel I have written a successful blog.

Tonight I feel called to talk to you about sin.  Sin is rampant and temptation is everywhere.  Sometimes we fail and we mess up. We sin. That is when we have to get ourselves to Confession. Sin is an awful thing that is part of our lives and we struggle with it every day.  If you ever find someone who says they don't sin, they are either deluding themsleves or lying to you because we all sin.  We have all fallen short of the  glory of God. All of us. Nobody is exempt.  Lay person. Priest. Religious. We are all sinners.

Jesus however,  has saved us from eternal damnation due to our sins by his death and resurrection. We have only to accept his offer - to say Yes to Him and live for Him, and live in His way. Most of us know the story of how Jesus took our sins to the cross. They were crucified with Him. As a result He has saved us and set us free. Yet .... we still sin. It isn't that we haven't learned our lessons. We know sin is wrong. It is just part of being human, thanks to Adam and Eve, and so God has entered humanity through the Person of Jesus Christ and He has saved us, and saves us daily by offering us His forgiveness.  There are some people that aren't aware of this.....even in our modern world! There are people who think it is a theory or myth, "but of course",  they say, "it isn't really real".  Boy are they wrong.

Someday,  we will each know for sure the depth of what Jesus has done for us.   But for now, we just can't wrap our minds around it. I often think that the world we live in is so clouded. It is a tiny reflection of what is to come. It is like a dusty knick knack that over time, has become unintersting and old.  It is like an old woman who was once  a soft cute little baby and is now like a wrinkled prune.  Our world is not the way it should be.  It is not the way God intended it to be.  Someday it will be.

Can you begin to imagine what it will be like someday when we are given a new Heaven and a new Earth?  Did you ever find an old mirror, covered in dust or a piece of brass that is tarnished? If you take the time to clean them you will be amazed at their beauty. I think that is how it is with earth. As beautiful as it is now - parts of it anyway - it wil lbe a milion times moreso in the future.  This is not only our hope, it is our promise from God.

So, we are sinners and our souls are like the dusty mirror or the tarnished brass.  We have to keep taking them to Jesus for cleaning and polishing.   Someday, when all is new, we will be eternally sparkling and clean. We will have no more sin. We will be truly free and sin and temptation will no longer hound us. We have to cling to this hope.

For now, we wander in the mire of our current age. We are like ships passing one another in the night. We are all off . This is our world now. But although we must be in the world we are called not to be of it. Jesus can help us do that.  We have to strive to be holy and to be saintly. This is so hard. I for one, know what a horrid sinner I am. Every day I pray to be made holy and to be who I'm called to be, and every day I go to bed with a heavy heart because I know somewhere along the line, I messed up.  Despite our messiness, we are loved by God.  The challenge is to believe it and live it. Otherwise we will remain a dusty mirror or tarnished brass.

Dear Jesus, make us new. Help us to see who we really are called to be in you. Mother Mary, pray for us.  Amen.

St. Catherine of Siena - Reflections and Connections

St. Catherine of Siena was an interesting woman and saint. I just finished reading the book "Catherine of Siena: a Passionate Life". Don Brophy is the author. This is the third "Catherine book" I've read.

Here is a quote from the book:  " Praying was one of the few things she (Catherine) could do in these months when she felt herself increasingly powerless to influence events in the church and the world."

Catherine of Siena was an odd person from a very young age. What I take from reading this particular book is that some people really loved her; treated her like a rock star by today's standards, and some people didn't like her.  After all, she lived eons before women's lib and for a woman to be so outspoken to bishops, priests, and popes, in the time she was living (1300's) well....that was odd.  Some people seemed to find it pushy and offensive. (Some people would still find it pushy today. Yet, God chooses who He wants to do His work in any century, doesn't He? Just look at the lives of St. Francis, St. Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa. God loves "odd people". )

The above quote is interesting to me because there was a time when her words fell on deaf ears. That is how I read it anyway. She, who had enjoyed, or rather, was given the privilege by God, to influence church leaders and to have access to them, went through a time when she felt powerless to influence anything in the church. So she prayed.

"Praying was one of the few things she (Catherine) could do in these months when she felt herself increasingly powerless to influence events in the church and the world."  I typed up this quote and put it on my wall above my computer. I have been reflecting on it for about a week now.

I suppose it strikes me  on a personal level because I used to be someone really involved in the Church and I honestly can say that I had some influence in my home parish and in two other parishes along the way.  Then the tide changed. Life changed. The church changed. Now I am largely a pew warmer.  I used to be involved in so many things. I still want to be and like Catherine, I feel powerless.  Although Catherine had tons of influence and I, just a little. But still there was a time when I was really active in the church and clergy asked me to use my gifts.

In the current climate of our church - post scandals - things are very different. Do you notice it too? Lay people are kept at arm's length by clergy and it is very professional and businesslike instead of like the ACTS 2:42 quote about how everyone lived in community and shared things. Now it seems to me that the Holy Spirit  is even being constrained too.  Maybe that is why the last few popes are caling for a New Evangelization?  We sorely need it and I am praying my little Catholic heart out for the Holy Spirit to come down in a mighty way upon all of us.

Today  is Pentecost Sunday, so this is a good day to ponder such things as power and influence, community, prayer, the Holy Spirit and the status of the church.  The Holy Spirit is so magnificent and wants to be poured out upon all of us. Yet, the Holy Spirit is trying, and we are an obstacle. He wants "in" and many of us say "stay out".

Our church has been slammed these last ten plus years or so (since the scandals) and although it is a fantastic thing that we are weeding out the few bad clergy who did unspeakable crimes against youth, it seems that we have thrown out the "baby with the bathwater" (or "community with the holy water").

Hence, the Holy Spirit seems to be constrained in many ways and it is our fault. (The Holy Spirit is perfect so it can't be His fault!) You know in scripture where Jesus said he couldn't do any miracles in a certain town because of the lack of faith? That is, in my estimation, a lot of what is happening today in our Church.  The scandals badly damaged our reputation as a church, damaged many of our productive relationships between clergy and laity, and now we are all afraid of each other. We are tense and defensive and the Holy Spirit is waiting for all of us to let Him back in so we can move on.

I think all of us; clergy and lay people, need to do what Catherine did. We need to pray because it is one of the few things we can do in the current climate in our church. We have to seek God's will first and we have to do it by praying for one another and with one another. We have to take time to listen.

I've been doing that... praying that is, in between my complaining.  LOL! I still have to pray even more than I am currently doing though. I am surrendering and trying to listen because, like Catherine of Siena, it is one of the few things I can do during this challenging time in our church and our world.

Lord, Have Mercy on us. Soften our hearts, open our souls, to your great Love. Send your Holy Spirit and renew the face of the earth.  Please......  Amen.

Lent , the New Evangelization, and Pope Francis

It is Lent. We are walking in the desert with Jesus. We are in the middle of the desert, watching him move closer and closer to his ministry and ultimately to his passion and death followed by the resurrection.  Despite the suffering our sweet Jesus went through for us we carry inside of us a quiet, sometimes hidden, joy. A joy that knows about the resurrection. A joy that has been very hidden for quite some time, but it is there.

This weekend I learned that two thirds of the world's population still does not know Jesus. They are still walking in the desert of their own lives, thinking perhaps that they are alone. All alone. Jesus is with them and they do not know it !  We have to tell them !

It is our baptismal call to evangelize and witness to others. God is calling us today, this very day, March 17, 2013, and all the days in the future, to do our best to bring the new evangelization to the world.

Now we have a great new helper to do this work - POPE FRANCIS ! Isn't that awesome?  I don't know about you, but Pope Francis has given me so much more hope for our Catholic future! All of a sudden, things don't look so bleak and I feel we can handle anything that comes against the church now because the Holy Spirit has heard our cries for help and has sent us Pope Francis.

I have been quite despondent prior to Pope Francis coming into our lives. In my area, the church has seemed so depressed - like a big heavy wet cloud hanging over us. But now, Pope Francis, chosen by the work and power of the Holy Spirit, has been given to us, and the cloud is starting to disipate.

I hope all of our priests are encouraged by this as well because they too need a strong, joyful leader. Even our priests have looked so burdened and sad and now....now....the wind of the Holy Spirit is blowing around the globe and I feel like the new evangelization will really take off now.

Yes, we are walking in the desert with Jesus. Lent is still here, but can you also see the oasis in the distance? Can you see that soon the suffering will be over and Easter will be here?

I can.

Prodigal Sons and Daughters

There comes a time in each of our lives when we realize that we are, or have been, a prodigal son or daughter. As sinful humans, we think at a much lower level than God does. Our reactions to life situations can sometimes be very impulsive and our choices can be poor. None of us can escape that because we are frail human beings and far from perfect. I believe we all have times when we run from our Heavenly Father – just like the prodigal son did in Sunday’s gospel (3-10-13). Can you think of a time when that was true for you? I can and I’m going to take a risk and share it with you now…..


I am a cradle Catholic. I have always believed in God. There have been good times and rocky times in my journey. I remember once, when I was 15, I was so angry with God that I told him to get out of my life. I remember the day: I was walking home from school, madder than a wet hen about a lot of things and hurting really badly. I was ranting to God from the depths of my teenaged heart. It was a rainy day, gray and cold, late fall. I remember stopping and looking into a puddle and watching my tears fall into the puddle. I remember telling God that I was done with Him, I hated Him, and wanted nothing more to do with Him. I meant it too. Then, BAM !!!! In an instant my world changed. It was if a door slammed shut. There was a sudden deep emptiness in my soul. Such blackness. God had listened. He let me go. I felt it. He let me run away like the prodigal son. Something inside told me I had just made a huge mistake, but I was so angry that I just kept going…further and further away from God.  (Perhaps you experienced something similar?)


For the next few months I made some stupid decisions including one that almost cost me my life. Like the prodigal son, I eventually got tired of running and cried out to God. He heard me, sent out angels to help, and I found the courage to head back to Him. I expected to be greatly chastised and perhaps not welcomed back at all. But….God took me back – without hesitation. I realized He was waiting for me to come to my senses and learn a few lessons. I apologized profusely. God’s love and acceptance were immediately present and powerful.


A few months later, I was still feeling icky about everything, especially my comment about hating God, and I was advised to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I didn’t really understand then as a teen that sin doesn’t just affect our personal relationship with God, but also our connection with the entire Church, the entire Body of Christ, so I needed to mend that through the sacrament of Reconciliation. So I did. To hear the words at the end of confession when the priest, representing Jesus, said – “I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit” – was so powerful. To me those words were, and still are, the most wonderful words on the planet (well, then there is also “Body of Christ” at Holy Communion too! J) – Those words are so healing.  I only wish priests would say those words a lot SLOWER so they have more impact and are clearly heard and can sink into the soul more powerfully.


The one aspect of the prodigal son parable that I still wonder about is this: how long did it take the prodigal son to forgive himself? Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest part of straying from God. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than God is (He is so merciful and we often are not) and we subject ourselves to all sorts of self-imposed consequences, not all which are without merit, but still, I wonder about this….

I would say that it took me a few years before I could fully, and finally, forgive myself for hating God and for my actions. Looking back, I know that I was just a teenager and my faith life was very new overall, but the feelings were intense and real and I was really hard on myself.  As Dr. Phil says, it was a "defining moment in my life".......my life of faith to be exact.

So, to my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, fellow prodigal sons and daughters, may God bless your day.

A Lenten Message: Desert Fears, one person's experience

I think we al have a natural fear of the desert. There are a lot of unknowns in the desert. Extreme heat. Extreme cold. Wild creatures. Spiritual deserts can be just as scary as earthly deserts.

Images of a stark landscape and deep solitiude and loneliness come into play when we think of the desert. Painfully hot days and shiveringly cold nights. No food. No water. No sustenance. Not sure how you got there and not sure how you will get out, or if there every will be a way out.

Additionally there are times of temptations, all sorts of feelings such as anger, despair, depression, anxiety, confusion. You name it. One can feel it in the desert. The desert is to be avoided at all costs, right?  We'd much rather be on the spiritual mountaintops - dancing and conversing with Jesus, feeling all warm and loved. The warmth of the sun on our faces, feeling healthy and grounded. 

Sometimes however, the desert cannot be avoided. Sometimes we are plucked off our mountaintop and tossed headfirst into the desert and , just like the cartoons, we sit up and have stars swirling around our heads and we think "What the heck just happened?".  Where is Jesus? Where is the mountaintop?  What is this place?

I have been on mountaintops with Jesus. It is FANTASTIC!  I have also been in a few partifularly severe deserts during my spiritual life. The most recent desert, still fresh in my mind, is a desert I entered about two years ago.  I wasn't just plopped into the desert. It was more of a slow slide off the mountaintop and then, tripping somewhere along the way, I fell off of a cliff, sailed through the air at breakneck speed and landed with a very hard THUD, face first in the desert.  When I sat up, I had a mouth full of sand, no water, a headache, and was frightened beyond belief. Enter, desert fears.
That desert lasted many months. It was an incredibly hard journey.

I am thinking of desert fears now because it is the Lenten season. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert and for some reason the reality of that hit me hard this year. Jesus Himself, the Prince of Peace, could not escape the desert. In fact, he willingly walked right into it.  That just blows me away. He could have hung out on the mountain top forever, but He chose to walk into the desert. I didn't choose it. It was apparently given to me as a "gift", but I didn't know that until afterwards.

Just like Jesus' experience in the desert, there are reasons why we must walk through it.  There are benefits to the desert. I found that out the hard way.

I learned a lot from being in the desert. First of all I learned that it didn't kill me, although on some days I felt very dead.  I learned that intense and prolonged solitude can make a person stronger instead of weaker.  I learned that wisdom develops in the desert as a result of all the solitude and reflecting that goes on.  I learned that Jesus allows us to wander through deserts to get us to other destinations (spiritually speaking).  I learned most of all that the desert makes us into very different people than we were upon entering it.

BUT - and here's the clincher - the only way we can become different and leave feeling like a better person instead of a more angry and bitter person, is that we have to come to a point when we SURRENDER to the desert.  There comes a time when we can't do it anymore. We can't fight anymore. We have no more prayers. No more reflections. When we don't know what direction to walk in next and all seems lost...that is when things start to change. Because then, and only then, do we shout out to the Heavens "I GIVE UP! I HAVE NO ANSWERS. I AM LOST. JESUS SAVE ME!" and then we collapse into the sand. We lay there motionless for what seems an eternity. We are too weak to do anything. We look and feel dead through and through.

In essence, we sleep, we rest. We can do no more. We are near comatose, spiritually speaking. 

Then, slowly something starts to change within us. Not sure what it is, we pick our heads off of the ground. with the little bit of life we have left in us. We spit out the dirt in our mouths. The desert is silent except for a distant wind. It is night. The stars are out. We cannot stand, so we remain seated just looking up at the stars. It is in that moment that we realize how small we are. How invisible we are to all of humanity. Nobody will come looking for us, yet.......suddenly we feel we are being watched and there is a sense that we are not alone. God is there. Watching us. 

There comes a period of waiting. We cannot ask any more questions. We do not complain anymore. We can barely eek out the words:  "Ok, Jesus. I'm here. Lead me." We feel the breeze on our face and through our hair.  We watch. We listen. We are silent.  We hear out own heartbeat and our own breath. We feel intense hunger and thirst.

Slowly we are given what we need from above. I will not share with you what Jesus sent me because that is too personal to share in a blog ( one must have some discretion, you know ), but just know that I got what I needed. I rose, listened, and walked according to His voice and where He was leading me.

I had forgotten that deserts have oases. In my case, Jesus knew I needed a break. I had lived through enough and if I didn't get a break, I would not make it through the desert.  He provided for me a special place in the desert in which to seek refuge, to have some comfortable temperatures, and to feel some relief. In essence, I was in a place where I had time "to be".  To be in His presence. Saying nothing for I had no words.  I stayed there for quite a long time.  I started to feel very comfortable there - so much so that I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to have to venture back out into the desert, even if it meant that I would know a way out. It was too scary and I was quite weak.  The thought of going back "into society" was also a fear because I knew I'd be going back much different and wondered if I would be accepted ( which is always a fear of mine, desert or no desert ).

However, the day came when Jesus asked me to leave this oasis and start the journey out of the desert. I obeyed. Obedience is something else you learn in the desert by the way. One of the promises I received from Jesus was that I could always go back into my oasis whenever I wanted. Having that comfort, I felt strength to leave it.

Many months went by. The journey was long. Every step forward gave me more strength, more wisdom.  When I reached the end of the sandy desert I came upon a beach. It was empty. Jesus came, hugged me, and we walked for a long time, talking and enjoying each other's company. The desert had ended. THANK GOD.  But a new way of being had begun for me.

As I said before, when a person goes into the desert, they go in one way, and they come out much different. That is what happened to me. Oh, I know most of the people around me probably can't even see that I am different. But I know I am. I still get up every day. Go to work. Do the things I have to do. But inside my soul, I am a very very different person.

I guess one way to describe it is that of a clay pot being fired. It goes into the kiln as soft fragile clay and after being subject to 2000+ degree heat, it comes out a transformed pot, much more solid.  Now it can be painted beautiful colors and the next firing in the kiln will make it even more beautiful and useful. Does that image help you understand?

So yes, there are many things to fear about the desert. The pain is real. The process is real, although invisible. I share this with you to give you some words of  wisdom that I learned in the desert : if you find yourself in the desert, know that it will end some day. Remember to surrender. Remember to listen. When you are presented with an oasis, visit it.

Thanks for listening. Hope this helps.

Fighting Apathy within the Church

One of the biggest problems in my beloved Catholic church today is apathy. I have been thinking about this lately. The culture of death has infiltrated itself so thoroughly within the church that apathy has been allowed to flourish.

It saddens me. It isn't just a problem in the church, but in the world at large as well.  It is like massive amounts of people have blinders on. Blinders that they chose to put on. So many important issues are being igored by otherwise good people. Did they put blinders on because there is just too much information coming at them, or life is just so overwhelmingly busy that they just have to shut some things out?  What is it?

I can give you the answer in a nutshell:  It is the evil one. He has deceived so many people. He has built a huge rift of mistrust between our clergy and their sheep. The apex of the sex abuse scandals is over, but the ramifications trickling through the church are many and are still very present. I feel bad for the good priests who are out there every day trying hard to make a difference, especially in the areas where the number of priests are low or where the church is being persecuted. I feel deeply betrayed by those few clergy who have been in short, stupid and reckless and in essence have been re-crucifying my sweet Jesus with their total disregard for the priesthood and who have been misusing their priesthood. I am very very angry with them.

Every day I pray for priests. I love the priesthood. It is such a huge gift from God. I guess that's why I get so angry when I see it misused by men who perhaps were once good, but chose bad, or perhaps they were bad to begin with and thought they could get away with their misdeeds by hiding under the cloak of the priesthood. 

Anyway, the other problem we have in regards to apathy is that the laity can betray Jesus and His Church just as poorly.  Now, I'm not saying that because I am some "holier than thou" person. Sin is sin after all and I am as much of a sinner as anyone else. I have experienced my share of apathy too. Over the last few years I have experienced the devil attacking me on so many levels to the point that I have felt some apathy and have had times when I wanted to walk away from it all. But thankfully, I am a sinner who prays and praying has helped a lot. It has helped me see that there is hope for all of us. There is HOPE to end the APATHY.

My heart aches on such a deep level for our Church - for our clergy and our lay people alike. It is like there is a heavy wet blanket over all of us and it falls heavier on some than on others. Those who have room to breathe under this wet blanket are shouting out "Don't quit!" " Stand tall!" "Fight the suffocation that is being thrust upon us!"  Sadly there are some who have been snuffed out altogether, crushed by the weight of the wet blanket. I imagine it to be a dark grey rough blanket - a blanket that smells.

I have a little breath left in me and I am shouting under the blanket of apathy - RISE UP PEOPLE ! DON'T LET THE DEVIL WIN ! HANG ON TO JESUS !

Many people do not see the storm ahead of us that we are going to have to walk through. The only way we will be successful is if we hang onto each other and Jesus. Priests and laity alike. Soon we will all have to choose what side we are on. Are we truly Catholic Christians who love Jesus and who would do all He asks of us or are we people who want to give up and die under the heavy wet blanket of apathy?

Apathy is a terrible disease ! It is a manifestation of evil and it must be stopped. I urge anyone who is reading this little blog to please take some time each day and pray for a powerful outpouring and indwelling of the Holy Spirit upon every last person in God's Church. Pray for protection for our good priests and pray yes, for healing for the bad priests who have been abusive, who have stolen, who have sold drugs, who have broken their vows, etc..., While they must be silenced and removed so that they can no longer be the agents of the devil and turn good people away from Jesus, they also must be sent away for healing and accountablity so that someday they may return to us.  God loves them as much as he loves the holiest of us and we must not discard them, but they must not be allowed to continue being wolves in sheep's clothing.

May the Holy Spirit empower those who seek to know Jesus better and walk in His ways. May the Holy Spirit fill all of us who go to Church with His power so that any apathy that is hanging around us will be obliterated for all eternity. Then we will be left to be, as St. Pauls says: "that we will shine like the stars in the sky".

My brothers and sisters - we must stand together. We must fight apathy with PRAYER.  Let's get busy then..... are ya with me?

Serene Courage

Today I was watching a little of the USCCB meeting on EWTN. Bishop Lori used the term "serene courage". I came in to what he was saying mid-sentence so I'm not 100% sure the context in which he was using the term, but it seemed that he was saying we should pray for "serene courage", as opposed to the courage that the world seeks out - more of a violent or aggressive courage.

In today's world we do need serene courage. Especially in the USA, or should I say the soon - to - be USSA (United Socialist States of America)?  Our church will be dealing with lots of things coming against us and serene courage is what we need.

So I asked myself...."How do we get this serene courage?". It is not something we buy in the store or something we learn about by watching "The View" or the NBC Evening News w/ Brian Williams.  This type of courage comes only via prayer. This is what I think anyway.

It is interesting that I should hear this phrase "serene courage" today because just last night I was praying and felt like the Holy Spirit was preparing to strengthen me for the future. It was a strong sense that I received during prayer.  I sure could use more strength because I am quite weak so it was neat to hear the "serene courage" term, as if it is some sort of confirmation for me.

I don't know about you, but I am in need of some strong leadership by our priests and bishops. I would like them to tell the laity exactly what it is we need to do in order to help get our country back to the straight and narrow. They will probably say "prayer". That is cool.  However, I think we all need motivation, inspiration, and I think we need to be challenged and not told that this is our time to just pray, but we also need to act. We need to act with this serene courage within.....a serene courage that turns into a serene confidence in Jesus.

I would like to see our priests and bishops giving really strong, passionate, homilies. They need to "enliven the troops" - which is us. As in Cardinal Dolan's talk to the bishops today, we need to be challenged to get back into the Sacrament of Reconciliation. 

Why do I say challenged and use terms like motivation and inspiration? That is because the laity are like the frog in the pot of warm water that is getting hotter and we don't notice it.  We are slowly being boiled alive and our country and our souls are being robbed and for the most part, people don't notice that this is happening to them.

I think our priests and bishops need to connect with those of us laity who are "fired up" for Jesus and who are already motiviated and inspired to do more.  WE JUST NEED THE CHANCE.  We are all in this together and we will only hold on to our country and our religious freedom if we stay together - clergy and laity together.

As a lay person, I feel that I can do a lot more for the church - my local church, diocesan church, and wider church, but have few, if any, opportunities except to write to the politians.  I mean, is there anything organized we can do as a church?  I'm not talking about the day to day Catholic things - the corporal and spiritual works of mercy. I am involved in those in various ways, but I want to make a difference on a much bigger scale.  I am motivated, I'm on the way to having that "serene courage", and I'm willing to go to the front lines if necessary to defend our religious freedom. There are other people who feel this way too, but we are not asked to help.

Maybe one day, the Holy Spirit, will not wait for the priests and bishops to personally ask us. Maybe He, Himself, in all his power and glory, will come to us individually and give us direction. Either way - whether it is the bishops/priests or the Holy Spirit Himself, I'm as ready as I can be.

I'm just waiting....... waiting........waiting........warming the pew, praying, and waiting.

Prayer Phobia

Prayer.  Now that is a very deep topic, isn't it?

What is prayer exactly? Well, simply put, one might say it is simply entering into a conversation or a time of communion with God.

If it is that simple, why are so many people afraid to try it? It isn't exactly the talking part of the conversation that people are afraid of. We all give God an earful - "God please give me this" or "God please do this for me", etc....  (I can see you smiling...you know what I'm talking about !)  The fear in prayer is the listening part.

Why are people afraid to listen to God in prayer? Quite simply, they are afraid because they actually might hear God talking to them, or God might say something to them that will freak them out....like "I want you to become a monk on a mountaintop in Mongolia and give up your computer, your car, and all your worldly possessions and leave immediately, and oh, by the way, give all your money away."  Seriously. Some people think God will ask them to radically change their lives.

Well, I must say, they are not all that wrong becuase God will ask them to radically change their lives in prayer, but not necessarily by moving to Mongolia.  God, being God, the wonderful Creator God of all things, knows exactly what we need and how to change us in prayer.  He doesn't want to freak us out. He wants us to grow closer to Him and He wants the best for us.

Have you heard the saying "Prayer doesn't change things, prayer changes people"? The change God evokes in us through prayer is often subtle, but over time and with perseverence in prayer we slowly become different people. So, if in time, God does want you to go to Mongolia and live on a mountaintop, you will start to desire it and you will joyfully go.   But most of the time, God keeps us where we are, but changes our hearts. The "Mongolian mountaintop" is a place we might go within the silence of our hearts and God will meet us there.

Now, the other fear people have is that they simply think they do not know how to pray. They think it is this complicated exercise for sainly or learned people. Prayer is the simplest of communication with God. At the very start, all one has to do is SIT and BE with God. I figured that out for myself when I was a teenager. I would sit and just BE. God was all around me. I would close my eyes and feel the breeze on my face and knew that it was God's breath on me, and my soul would smile and I was praying. That was prayer.

If you have never prayed before, just SIT and BE. Get yourself in front of the Blessed Sacrament in your parish or if you are far away from any church, sit outside in God's creation and just rest. Breathe. Become aware that you are already in the presence of God.  Frank Sheed in his  book "Theology and Sanity" once said that it isn't that "God is in everything" but that "Everything is in God".  We are always in the presence of God. Becoming aware of it means that prayer, communication with God, is always accessible.

So you see, there is nothing to fear when it comes to prayer.

Now, I also want to say that the other prayer phobia happens when people think they are too smart for God. Perhaps they are well versed in the things of our faith: they have read the Bible, the Catechism, the lives of the saints, and they have degrees coming out of their ears in theology. Sometimes people in this situation become phobic to prayer because they have made it so complicated that it has become a burden and perhaps even part of their job. So, they start to avoid it.

In this case, what has to happen is they need to get back to basics. Again, they have to just SIT and BE, but not say anything to God. No big prayers are needed. Jesus wants us to become like little children and it is very wonderful to want to learn all there is about Jesus - that should be our focus - but when we make it such a complicated thing, it starts to backfire on us.

When my little niece was learning the rosary, she would take the large beaded rosary, put in the children's video on the musical rosary, and she would jump up and down and spin around the room with the rosary. She would sing the hail mary and just have a good time with it. She smiled and twirled. I betcha God smiled a huge smile. That is what he wants ALL of us to do in his sight. Maybe we are too embarassed to spin around "at our age" for fear of looking like a fool, and I get that.....but there is no law against doing that in your soul !! When you pray, people might see an older person kneeling in serious prayer, but inside.....ah, inside....your spirit can be spinning and singing and involved in a simple and joyous communion with our loving God.

If we develop a fear of prayer and put it off because it is a burden, then the devil has won. We need to communicate with God because He wants to communicate with us. Talk....yes....tell Him what is on your heart, but then BE QUIET and listen......then when the listening and talking are over......spin and dance on the inside.

One more thing......I would advise that we should practice SURRENDERING  totally to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in prayer. It is in the surrendering in prayer, and the patiently waiting and perseverence, that brings us into a deeper relationship with Jesus. It may not seem like it at the time, or even for a while, but over time, like the water continuously flowing over a rock, our prayer life will become smoother. In the surrendering to God's will in prayer, we will become changed. We will more readily accept the changes God wants to create within us.

Ok, one more thing.....sometimes people get a prayer phobia if they feel that "nothing happens" when they pray. That is normal and to be expected. Sometimes that happens for a long time. Sometimes we are in a spiritual desert, but we have to keep persevering. Keep your prayer routine. Don't give up. Don't be afraid and remember that you are always IN the presence of God....sometimes maybe He doesn't want to talk....sometimes He might just want to sit and watch you spin !

"Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  .......  even if that ends up being a monk on a mountaintop in Mongolia !!

Reflections on the book "The Shack"

I recently finished reading the fiction book "The Shack".  From my perspective it was a book about a man whose daughter was murdered and his journey back from that place of despair and questioning God to psychological and spiritual healing and a right relationship with God and how that affected the other relationships in his life toward the end.  Perhaps you've read it too?

This is what specifically struck me about the book: the way the author described and personified the Trinity. Now, we are human beings so no author will ever be able to do justice to that topic, but the author tried.  It made me think about my perceptions of the Holy Trinity and what did I learn about the Trinity from "The Shack"?

I was touched by the interplay between the Father, Son, and Spirit in this book. The author humanized the Trinity in a way that was not disrespectful at all. It was a little whimsical at times, but I think the author had some good points to make.  I liked how he demonstrated a very intimate and loving relationship between the Three Persons of the Trinity. I liked the sense of humor displayed and how the Trinity is very interested in each one of us.

I didn't like the digs on ritual and the comment that Jesus did not make a religion. To me that clearly stated that the author was not Catholic or very fond of the Church when he wrote that. However, I could be mistaken.  Jesus did indeed give Peter the keys to the Kingdom and told him that upon him, Peter, "this rock" he would build His "Church".  But those were minor annoyances compared to the rest of the book, which I found interesting.

I typically only read non-fiction. I had some co-workers hound me to read this book for over a year before I relented. After all, I'd rather read something with more truth and meat to it than a fiction book. But I must say I was pleasantly surprised over all with "The Shack".  Congrats to the author for tackling a tough subject - trying to explain the Holy Trinity.

There is one line in the book that I remember and I hope I get it right when I quote it here. It said "God's love is bigger than your stupidity." or something like that. I like that because there are some days when I am a very stupid person and I'm grateful that God still loves me despite my flaws and sinfulness.

Thank you for listening. God bless your day.

This blog is connecting with people around the world!

When I started this blog in the winter of 2010 I was excited to get my words out to the entire world.  A few friends  suggested that I start a blog and I checked with someone who pointed me to this particular website to get one going. I was amazed because I am low tech and was able to get it set up within twenty minutes or so. Overall, blogs were, and still are for the most part, a challenge for me. I post, but I don't know how to do fancy things like tweek my design or add photos and things like that.

However, in the last week or so I have discovered that there are things I can click on in the "behind the scenes" part of the blog that give me a list of countries where people are reading my blog. This is very exciting to me because it tells me that there are some people out there who are reading my words and that means a lot. I hope some of my words are helping others or maybe I'm just saying a few things that resonate with people.

For instance, I have people reading this blog not only in the USA, but also in South Korea, Russia, Latvia, Poland, and even Austrailia ! And those are just a few of the countries listed !! 

So I want to say to everyone - thank you for reading my words! Please pray for me and I will pray for you! Of course, the blog info doesn't say who is reading, just the countries and the count, but I am grateful and feel like I am connecting with others around the globe.

Thank you for reading!

Humiliation - Part 2

What happens after a person is totally humiliated...totally brought low so their face is smashed right into the ground leavng at least a 2 inch crater? When someone is at the lowest of the low, how do they rise from it?  Because when you are that low you have no power at all. You have no energy or sense of purpose. Your body may lay still on the preverbial ground, appearing dead, but your soul is spinning out of control in utter confusion and despair. How does someone rise from that?

The answer is simple: They can't. At least not on their own power.  The only thing that will get someone up and back into life again is God's grace. Don't laugh at me as if this is a simplistic, naive answer. I speak the truth. I also speak from personal experience. I've been in that place a few times in my life and if you have been there too, then you know it is "not fun" and it is a very dangerous place to be.  It is dangerous because a person is very fragile and if they are not receptive to God's grace, then they are sunk.

God's grace is sufficient for us - so says Scripture. God's grace is capable of raising someone up instantaneously from the mire. However, most of the time it is a gradual process.  Why is it gradual? Well, the "gradual" part is for our benefit. Even though we'd like the pain to go away instantaneously, sometimes God helps us rise slowly. In the slow rising we learn lessons and we gain wisdom and strength that will serve us well if this should ever happen again.

When we are in the place of humiliation....when our entire being is as low as one can go, we pray and beg for clarification, for healing, and we want it NOW.  But the slow rising is sort of like baking clay in a kiln for hours and hours and hours at incredibly hot heat. It turns us into a new being and it solidifies us from the core of our being. We become a new creation and we APPRECIATE the process once it is through.  I think sometimes when it happens fast we focus solely on the MIRACLE of the healing, which is cool, but we don't realize how  far down from up really is.  When we rise slowly we can look at everything on the way up, like a glass elevator slowly moving between floors. We appreciate the journey and really especially appreciate the destination once we get there.

The Holy Spirit lifts us up, heals us.  We lay there and let Him do it. There is nothing else we can do. We are like a bird still in the egg, waiting to be born.  A tiny bird lays there while God does the work. It is only when God gives the OK that the bird is able to kick and peck its way out of the egg. Until then, he just rests.

Resting implies patience, something modern peole do not have much of.  Patience and resting can be a painful and frustrating thing. But if we are going to ever become saints, this is something we have to tolerate and learn from. This is the hardest thing, even if we believe and know that God's grace will eventually heal us, we get impatient because we do not yet know the reason for God taking so long.  He is God after all and can do anything quickly if he wants to, so we wonder why.

When in this stage we can become very angry at God. He expects it.  The anger can make us feel even worse because we start feeling guilty for being angry at God. This just perpetuates our humiliation.

In time, when we are tired of struggling, and are so exhausted, we just rest again, and then we start to see the value of patience.  We pray for patience. We practice patience. That is all we can do.  It is like when St. Peter said to Jesus "To whom else can we go Lord, you have the words of eternal life?".  He has all the control.

The final stage of humiliation before we rise is realizing that although we are sons and daughters of God, we are also made out of nothing and are nothing without the grace of God.  In this stage of nothingness lies acceptance of who we are, and then a feeling of gratefulness starts to well in our souls for the great love of God that has caused us to be. That is true humility - knowing our place before God.  God is God and we are not.  We are so not.

The gratefulness that wells up in our souls just for being allowed to BE starts to energize us.  We have now received a "right perspective". Our hearts turn towards God - or they start to turn slowly - ever slow slowly.  In time, we pick our little heads up and look around through the mire caked on our eyelids.  God's grace falls like rain and slowly washes the mire away.  Our vision becomes clearer.  The water of His grace nourishes us.  Soon we can sit up.  Silence remains as we get our bearings.  Soon after that we can kneel.  And we kneel with in the space of a real humility and then we start to pray as never before, lifting up hands of gratitude.

We stay in ths kneeling place - either interiorly or exteriorly - it doesn't matter because the soul really has no legs - it is just an expression. We kneel. We kneel. We kneel.

After sufficient prayer and being filled up and healed by God's grace, we stand in His presence.  We are new creatures, for we realize that we are just that - creatures.  Creatures that are loved in a fantastical way and who have rights and privileges that are beyond our wildest dreams.  We realize that we are children of the King of Kings. We are princes and princesses. But now, we know better.  We don't puff with pride that we are royalty for our King is a Servant King, and being His servants is a privilege. Following in His footsteps is a privilege.

The end of Humiliation part 2 is the realization that we must learn the art of simulataneously keeping ourselves low before the King, but also realizing that it is this same King that will raise us up and bless us to the Heavens with His grace.  So, we walk a tight rope of humility as we follow our King, and .....and this is the clincher.....after being through all that horrible mire and being near death and as miserable as we have felt for so long....we realize that He is the potter and we are the clay and that humiliation gives us the gift of humility.  The gift of humility brings us to gratitude.  Gratittude opens us up to be able to receive God's grace and gifts.  God's grace and gifts, once received, fill us with humility once again.

So, I am learning that if we are truly called to be saints, and want to be saints, then we have to be open to this process when walking "The Way", following our servant King.  If we are to be like Him, we have to do what He did, and allow ourselves to be humiliated as He was humiliated.

After all, our sweet King Himself, knows humiliation exponentially, doesn't He?  He took on the sins of us all, mere creatures.  He felt each one of them. He allowed the devil to ground Him into the earth.  He allowed His own creatures to spit on Him, to mock Him, hit Him, scourge Him, strip Him naked, laugh at Him, nail Him to a cross, and crucify Him.  So, the next time I get, or you get, into a place where you feel totally humiliated, think about HIM.

Humiliation makes us one with Jesus - and that is the goal of every life whether we realize it or not - to be ONE with Jesus.

These are the thoughts I wanted to share with all of you tonight, whoever you are.

A little Luxury please.....

I am overall a "plain and simple" person. I live very thriftily. I work hard. I have worked hard my whole life and usually have worked more than one job at a time - sometimes even three jobs with tiny odd jobs on the side.  Still, I cannot get ahead financially. Just when I think I am doing okay, I get blindsided with something.

So my prayer, selfish as it is, is to have just a little Luxury in my life. I'm not necessarily talking expensive things, but things that might help me feel a little better and give me some joy or help me feel like I belong somewhere.  A little Luxury for me could be simple things such as being greeted in a really friendly way by a sales clerk, or someone at church taking the time to introduce themselves or smile when they walk by me (sadly, this hardly ever happens at church. I am quite invisible there.), or a little Luxury could be getting to relax a half hour in my hammock.

Of course, it would be cool to have a little bigger Luxury thing like getting to stay in a really fancy Disney Hotel. I wouldn't scoff at something like that!  Then again, I would like to be able to hire someone to finish fixing my house so I can finally get some furniture like a rug, chair and a couch or maybe finish my kitchen so I could actually put things in the cabinets.

The biggest Luxury of all, and the one that would mean the most, is feeling some consolation from the Holy Spirit....to feel God really really close to me so I can feel secure and loved and like the future will be okay.

The Gates of Hell will not prevail against us

Scripture promises us that no matter how bad it gets out there, satan will not win. The gates of Hell will not prevail. We have to hold on to this as we continue to walk into this challenging time in our church history.  We are being assaulted both inside and outside of the church walls.

 Inside the walls we have a few priests who are giving us a bad name by doing stupid and criminal things with our precious children, finances, etc... and people tend to generalize that all priests are like that, and they are not.  There are many good priests around and I think they are stressed out by what those few bad priests are doing and it makes their work even more challenging.  We have a very discouraged laity and only 30% of Catholics actually going to Mass on Sunday. They need their priests to be courageous and speak much more boldly in their homilies.
Outside the church we have the attack on religious freedom in the United States. Many are blind to that as well but they too, in time, will be forced to choose whose side they are on. It is obvious that the media and our culture in general is anti-Catholic by the way our church is portrayed on TV, or ignored, or the way people think it is okay now to use God's name in vain on TV and radio.  That said, I was impressed to see that the TODAY show just had a positive piece on a priest from Holy Cross College in MA. So there are pockets of positivity out there showing that the Gates of Hell will not prevail.

As a result of these interior and exterior attacks, the Church's people are suffering. The Church has an image problem. The Church is being persecuted.  The Church is weary and sad.  That sad: we can't lose heart.  We have to hang on to Jesus because He will get us through this time in history.

What can WE do as individuals ? Well, here are my thoughts..... Our good priests can pray more and work on becoming more holy than they currently are.  Our good priests can be bold in preaching the Good News and in consoling their flocks.  The laity can also pray more and work on their own holiness.  The laity can work on increasing their knowledge of the faith and both priests and laity need to stay close to the sacraments. The laity can prayerfully support their priests.

Not that I am anyone special at all, but in my life's experience, I would like to offer the following prescription to my fellow and fella Catholics - lay and clergy alike:

1.   Increase your prayer time - especially in front of the Blessed Sacrament whenever possible.
2.   Read the daily readings or go to daily Mass if you can. Meditate on them. Live them.
3.   Be nice to each other.
4.   Practice the spiritual and corporal works of mercy.
5.   Go to regular confession.
6.   Don't be afraid to practice your faith in public: say grace before meals, wear religious jewelry, speak of your love for Jesus.
7.   Read other good books about our faith, the saints, the Catechism, etc...
8.   Support each other.  Priests should not be afraid to get to know their flock.  Laity should pray for their  clergy.
9.   Avoid as much temptation as possible becuase the draw these days is very strong and the devil is being  creative in the ways in which he snatches people.
10. Pray the rosary. Ask for Mary's intercession. Ask for the saints to intercede as well.

Kicking the devil out of the kitchen

Tonight I am marveling about how many people have blinders on and do not see the chaos that is coming down the road. 

We know we have a financial crisis in our world that is getting worse.  We know that families are breaking apart faster and more often.  We know that there have been enviornmental crisies in nature and those seem to be increasing.  I'm sure you can name more than these things.

But, who sees the spiritual chaos that is oozing into our hearts and souls? How can we see it when the majority of people are not concerned with real spiritual growth in themselves or their children or their spouses ?

The devil from down below has been working quietly and steadily. He has been wreaking all sorts of havoc in our world. It is the opposite of what St. Theresa the Little Flower has done.  She has done lots of little works of love that accumulate into wonderful things.  But the devil does the opposite. He has done lots of little works of hate and chaos and those are starting to mount upon us.

I've referenced before the example of the frog put in cool water and then slowly the pot gets hot and because it happens so slowly the frog acclimates itself to the water and without realizing it, is being cooked to death.    That is what is happening in our society.

What is the solution?  The solution is silence and prayer. In silence and prayer people reflect on life, the meaning of life, their role in this world, and what is really important.  In this atmosphere we will not only realize that we frogs are cooking, but we will also realize that we need to shut off the stove and kick the devil out of the kitchen too!

There is indeed chaos coming down the road. If we think it is rough now, just wait. Unless we act and pray and surrender to Jesus, we will not be able to withstand what is coming towards us.  When that time comes, and it will soon be here, it will be the people who have held fast in their faith that others will seek out.  They will be sought out for strength, for protection, and for answers to what is going on.

Oh Jesus,  please strengthen us. Open our eyes. Fill us with a deep desire for prayer and union with you. Save us, Jesus.  You're the only one who can. Protect us from evil. Kick the devil out of our kitchens.  Amen.

Abiding in God's Love

Abiding in God's Love is something I am trying to do on a daily basis. It is difficult though because the world comes against me in so many ways and tempts me to sin. I try to stay alert. I try to focus on Jesus. But that little creep from the netherworld tries to give me grief and sometimes I fall into his traps. The answer to this?  Well for me, I'm trying to keep my prayer schedule going and even if I don't feel like praying, I at least go to church and BE in Jesus' presence.

When I was  a kid I lived through a lot of things like being picked on - mercilessly - and being laughed at, among other things that are not relevant to my points here so there is no need to expound on them..... As I became more involved in my Catholic faith, sometimes I would be laughed at or ridiculed for being someone who takes God's word seriously. As a matter of fact, that still happens sometimes.....usually at work, and sometimes from the mouths of fellow Catholics as well. Oh well...such is life. (I will never be ashamed of Jesus and people can get on me all they want. I know the truth.)

Sometimes I wonder why I don't keep my mouth closed and stay silent, but then the Holy Spirit inspires me to speak up and then the little creep delights in trying to slam me down. 

Now, I have to say, that I am truly nothing more than a speck on this earth. I am nobody special, except in God's eyes. I am a normal, ordinary, regular human being. I have so many faults, failings, and weaknesses. I am well aware of them and it really cracks me up when others try and point them out to me because I could run circles around them in regards to listing off my inadequacies. But, I am coming to know that I am a speck that sometimes God uses  to make a difference in someone's life. This is my truth....my experience of how God works in me.

I would love to be a canonized saint someday. I probably have a fat chance to have that happen but I believe in that saying that goes "a saint is a sinner that just kept trying".  So I try. I fail. I try again. 

What I know is that there are some blessings that God gives to people who seriously devote themselves to prayer and they are unique to everyone.  It is not a "high" or anything incredibly outrageous where people claim to levitate and all of that. But there are blessings that are given which are felt deep in the soul. Sometimes there is a quiet, but strong presence of God in the midst of the prayer time.  Sometimes there is just the sense that "I'm in the best place on earth right now, and that is before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament".

Granted, wherever we go we are abiding in God's love, but in today's world, if someone is a true christian, I think that he/she needs to try hard to keep that reality in the midst of everything they do, especially when things come against them.  Things come against me constantly, but the older I get, the more I see that when something evil comes against me, the Holy Spirit is right there to chase it away.

Abiding in God's Love .... the vine and the branches.....my priest recently gave a talk where he talked about the vine and the branches reading from John's Gospel. He reminded us that sometimes the gardener lops off the branches so close to the edge that it might appear that  they are dead, never to grow new life. That can be a painful thing.  He said the gardener does that because it will promote new growth, despite its appearance.  I related to that because about a year and a half ago, or so, I was pruned so far back that there was barely no life that I could see within my soul. There was nothing I could do, but to wonder why the gardener cut me so close to the ground. I had no voice. I was silent. All I could do was feel the pain. All I could do was wait.

After much waiting, new life has begun to sprout. New things are happening within my soul. Things I can't explain. They are not crazy or miraculous (although everything God does is a miracle), but there are things happening.  It seems as if, somehow, this pruning I have gone through has grafted me even tighter and more firmly into the Vine, Jesus Himself.

I don't understand really.....but I suppose it isn't my business to understand. My business is to trust the gardener completely for He knows what He is doing. Still....I can marvel at the tiny growth I see budding from my scared and lopped off parts.... feeling a tiny bit of hope that someday I will be a fruitful soul again..... at church now, with the new Roman Missal, the Mass ends with the priest saying " Go in peace, glorifying God with your life."  That is all I'm trying to do.

Lent - a Time for Change

This Lent is two years since I've started this blog. I just wanted to say that. Now, on to my topic...

Lent is a time for change and improvement. Change is difficult sometimes. There have been times in my life that I have welcomed changed and worked hard at it. Most of my days, actually... but there are some aspects of my personality that I really would like to change and I am having a difficult time with it. Sometimes I think these things cannot be changed. Other times I think it is a matter of just being self-aware and focused and then I will be "new and improved".

At other times I think God made me this way, or allowed me to become the way I am, for a reason.

I was thinking recently about who I was as a child and if I am still the same, and if so, then perhaps that is the way God made me so that I could use that aspect of my personality for the world ( however big or small my world is at any particular time). When I was really small, maybe 8 years old, I remember breaking up a conflict between my sister and this little mean kid from the neighborhood. I remember today that I negotiated and literally stood between the two of them, as in a UN deal. I remember preventing the violence.

I remember many other times in my life when I stood up for injustice even though it made me quite unpopular. As a rule, I am a first class chicken. I am generally gentle and polite, but when an injustice pops in front of my face, I have to speak up. It is very hard for me to do so and I get nervous/anxious and think to myself to be quiet. But then something wells up within me. I have come to know that "something" ( most of the time anyway ), is the Holy Spirit telling me to act. There are times, to be honest, when it is not the Holy Spirit and my emotions that take over, but I have come to know the signs when it is the Holy Spirit. Do you want to know what those signs are?

Well, one sign is that it is a consistent impulse from inside to speak up and the words flood into my mind, or the actions that I'm supposed to do. I try to ignore it, rationalize it, try not to focus on it, etc....but it keeps coming back. It is a haunting type of feeling. It was the prophet Jeremiah wasn't it that stated for him it was like burning coals in his mouth until he spoke. Sometimes that is how it is with me - like burning coals. Then, once I speak it, then the pressure subsides and I get a feeling of peace inside. Later on though, I may think twice and feel incredibly stupid, but as the days go by and I reflect on my words or actions, then I usually know that I said or did the right thing.

Some people have told me that I am brave. I don't think that because many times when I have spoken up I get backlash. I can get ostracized. I have been rejected. I have been misunderstood. In a strange way though, all those things tell me I did the right thing. The ultimate knowing though, is a deep sense of peace that I listened to the Holy Spirit.

I don't know if any of you understand what I am trying to say. You know in Scripture where it says ..."when I am weak, He is strong"? Well, that is sort of how it is. I am a chicken and a weakling. I am basically a nobody on this planet. I have done nothing great or massive (yet!). I don't have lots of money. I don't have fancy things. I don't fit in to alot of what the world offers and to be honest, I don't even feel like I fit into my Catholic Church anymore. I do not have a place there - well I do.....I shoudl be honest...I have moved myself from the "third pew" to the back pew. Literally. Even though I am quite an under-ordinary person, God still uses me to fight injustice when it comes in front of me.

So this Lent I am trying to change and improve myself. It is difficult. The most difficult thing I'm experiencing this Lent is a dryness and distractedness in prayer. I have not cut short my prayer time, but during that time, my mind wanders. But I think they say that 90% of life is just showing up? Well, I show up in front of the tabernacle....and look at Jesus hidden there and Jesus looks back at me.

Despite everything though.......I am hoping that this Lent is changing me, despite my limitations.

Standing up for Religious Freedom

On March 23rd I went to one of the nationwide rallies standing up for Religious Freedom. I took the day off from work to go. I'm not a very political person, but I am a spiritual person and so I am worried about the direction our country is going and how Obama is trying to take away our religious freedom.

The rally was really interesting. I met people from all across my state who came to stand up for the Church. Most of the people there were Catholics but there were others who were from other christian denominations. There were about 25 seminarians and some priests, as well as a few school buses of Catholic school children / teens.

Someone gave me a "Stand Up for Religious Freedom" sign and that was my mission for the rally! I stood at the curb near the intersection, amongst the other people, and held up my sign and waved to the people in cars driving by. It was at an intersection so some of the cars had a chance to stop and see what the rally was about. There were quite a few people who honked in agreement with us. There were some Obama fans. One car drove by and yelled "O-bam-a" over and over, while another lady drove by and yelled "Obama is dangerous!". We got a variety of thumbs up and thumbs down too. Lots of honking cars though.

Because I was so busy "working the curb" with my sign, I didn't hear the talks, but that was okay. We each had a role to play. There were some news people there and I did see the rallies mentioned on one TV station with some video. I was hoping for more though.

I can't understand why perfectly intelligent people think what Obama is doing is right and good for our country, and that is not a political statement. I mean, if someone really looks at what he is doing, it is plainly anti-Catholic and anti-religion. He is the most pro-death president we have had. He thinks partial birth abortion should be allowed. A few days after becoming president, on the heals of the March for Life in DC, he signed a bill allowing MY tax dollars to be used to fund abortions in other countries. He has no idea how dangerous contraception is for women.

Well, I did my small part and I prayed, and will continue to pray. One thing I know: our country is heading into, and we are already there, a time of persecution on all fronts, and religion is one of them. Our country has lost its morality and focus on virtues, goodness, and God. We are creating a big problem for ourselves in the future, but the people who are supposed to be intelligent like Obama, Peliosi, and Biden, the latter two supposedly are Catholics, aren't really smart at all. I don't know if it is just stupidity, ignorance, or arrogance, but to me, it is blatantly diabolical.

More than ever, we have to pray. We have to be with Jesus. We have to listen to Him, read the Bible, go to Mass, read good spiritual things like the lives of the saints. We need to pray the rosary. Why? Because the times that are coming will be quite dark and we have to focus on being lights to the world.

I'm standing up for Religious Freedom, and lots of other good things too. Lucky for me, I know the end - Jesus wins, but it is the "in between" that can be nerve wracking.

Today I am sighing because I am waiting for our church leaders, clergy and lay alike, to rise up and speak with courage. Yes, the bishops are speaking about the HHS Mandate and they are probably doing things behind the scenes. But I haven't heard much about it in the local parishes I've attended within the last month. It doesn't seem to be such a big deal in the local church.

It seems to me that daily little happenings take presidence over the bigger dangers that lurk just outside the church doors - like a fire breathing dragon waiting to destroy the church. Yes, the gates of hell will never prevail against the church, but they will push and shove and try and in the process, some will be lost. We need to minimize the casualties.

And so tonight I ask...where is the strong leadership we need? Why are some leaders acting like there is nothing going on? Do they not see the domino effect here....that once Obama's administration makes this happen, that it will affect many other things within the church as well?

I do not say this to criticize.....well, maybe I do. I don't know. Maybe I am the dumb one? Maybe they are all doing things behind the scenes to take care of us lowly sheep who are blinded by our culture? Or maybe they are not doing anything and they are as blind as the sheep?

How come what the bishops are doing is not trickling down to the local parishes? The first week or two there was talk about this, now there doesn't seem to be anything said.

Truly we are like a lobster in a pot of warm water that is getting hotter. Slowly we are cooking and dying and many are not even aware of it.

So, what do I want to see? I want to see our leaders speaking loudly, consistently and boldly. I want to see them rallying the troops ( us ) to action. I guess I want to hear a battle cry, but not a cry for violence, but action.

Are our leaders afraid? I don't understand the silence. Where are the lay Catholics in the media and why aren't they saying anything? With only 30% of Catholics attending Church, and some of them not believing in the Real Presence or even living by the Church's teachings, how can they be so SILENT ?

So, besides being critical, I guess I am feeling angry as well. Today the Gospel was about Jesus getting angry in the temple and chasing out the vendors and buyers. Why aren't our church leaders doing the same? Like Jesus, I feel like I want to tip things over and chase people. Ha ha ha ha....the big difference here is that Jesus had the power to do that and I have absolutely no power at all except to pray (and that is something good).

Oh, how I wish the bishops would speak louder to our other church leaders and tell them to speak up and to keep speaking, and to pray and to keep praying, and to mobilize the sheep so we can make a change before it is too late.

Sigh.........IF I ONLY HAD A PULPIT !

Lord, I ask for patience, wisdom, discernment and to know your will. Why do you give me such passion for You and desire to speak out on Your behalf and no place to speak except this dot in cyberspace?

Amen.

If I could give a homily...

If I could give a homily to all the Catholics, and all christians in general, in the entire world, I would have a strong message. I would tell them that they need to pray more than ever before because the evil one is out to get them and he is serious about it. I would tell them that he is hot on our tracks and if they are not careful they may be the next victim. I would tell them that we have to stick together. We have to read scripture. We have to pray all sorts of prayers - loud charismatic prayers, silent contemplation, meditative rosaries, lectio divina, etc.... and we must go to Mass and we must keep vigilant over the status of our souls. These are the things I would say.

I would challenge the priests and ministers in the world to not be afraid to speak out with courage in the face that evil presents to us today. They have a huge responsibility and I don't think that some of them are aware of that fact because some have become complacent in their positions of power in their churches and communities, while others have become lazy or so overwhelmed that they have lost their focus. I would challenge them to be mature shepherds, to trust the Holy Spirit to give them the wisdom and words they need to minister and to lead. I would also challenge them to let the laity minister to them as well, encourage them, and work with them hand in hand. We must face this ugly foe together, for none of us can do it alone.

So, we must pray. We must surrender to Jesus. We must listen. We must wait. We must support and encourage one another. We must lift each other up when someone is failing and we must reach out to the sad, the anxious, the fearful, and the lost. To disregard someone in need is a terrible thing for when we do that we are ignoring Jesus Himself.

Please, my Catholic brothers and sisters, my christian brothers and sisters from other denominations, my Jewish brothers and sisters, we must stand united. For we are coming upon a time not seen before in human history. We will be tested. We will be assaulted by the evil one even more than now. We must reach into Heaven from our knees. We must listen with our hearts. We must move swiftly when Jesus tells us to move - with trust in His providence.

As PJPII, my favorite pope, said many times: "Be Not Afraid". (Jesus said that too by the way!)

Well, these are my thoughts for this evening.

Step by Step

Have you ever taken a walk and been very mindful of everything you were doing and everything you were looking at along the way? By that I mean...were you aware of each step and how it felt to put your feet on the ground...how the muscles felt in your feet when they moved? Were you aware of the air on your face, and the sounds around you ?

Sometimes, in our daily lives, we lose sight of things like this. We are so busy and we are so technologically minded these days. Technology can be a good thing, but it can also be something that separates us from real life.

I'm not a big technological person. I blog - that is about as high tech as I get. I have a basic cell phone that doesn't take pictures, or surf the web, or anything like that. To me, technology is a burden most of the time. In many ways, it has come to rule our lives. I work with people who are so caught up in technology that they are always connected, always texting, or tweeting, or whatever it is called.

Step by step, technology is taking us away from silence and from listening to God and the world He made for us. Even while walking, many people are still connected to their cell phones, ipods or...what are those other things........ear buds?

So, in being low-tech.... I like to spend time 1:1 with Jesus in Church. Alone. Whole church to myself. Me and Jesus. It is silent. I've shared that with some people at work and they think I am strange because they can't handle silence. Perhaps it is because they will be afraid of what they will hear in the silence...namely, their own soul crying out for meaning and purpose in a very cold and high-tech world. And dare I say...they might also hear God's voice too? Once I knew someone who had five TVs in her house. While I was there visiting I asked her if she wanted to shut them off so we could talk and she said no, she leaves them all on because otherwise she has to "think" and thinking was uncomfortable for her.

Step by step, we have to start walking back to silence and put technology in its place. Technology is good if we use it in moderation and to help us. But when we become addicted to it and when we allow it to steal our silence, then it becomes a problem.

So, the next time you go for a walk, I challenge you to keep the cell phone in your pocket. Pay attention to your steps and where you are going in life and in your relationship with Jesus.

Fear Not, little flock!

Do you all realize ( and I think you do ) that there is an enemy at work in the world? He is the enemy of Heaven and he seeks to destroy all things and people that are good.


If you don' t realize this, you are probably one of those that think the enemy is just a myth. That's what he wants you to think anyway. This is his greatest lie...making people believe that he isn't real when he is. He is wreaking havoc around the world as I write this.


He is attacking good people. I know some of them personally. The funny thing is....although he is a big pest and does cause damage, he will never win. He knows that and it makes him furious. He is so full of hate and pride and anger that he will never surrender to Christ and ask for forgiveness. So he roams the world trying to make people as miserable as he is and he is getting more bold about "in your face" about it.


The enemy is advancing on people who are serious about their faith in order to stop them from doing good. He is attacking them in their minds, in their relationships, and in their churches. He is going after them physically. He is going after clergy and lay people alike and is putting up a tough fight, but he will lose. He does lose, on a daily basis.


The anectode and quickest ways to get rid of the enemy are to pray, stay close to the Eucharist, and to sincerely live as a Christian no matter what. That is difficult. I know of someone right now who has a terrible time with "all things church". This person is assaulted even inside the church and is terribly distracted during Mass, is angry, restless and leaves feeling worse than when they entered the church...and this is someone who loves Mass !


What we can do to counteract the enemy is to be very aware of his tricks so there is minimal damage, if any, in this war with him. And it is true, that God's grace will kick in when we need it and we won't be lost when a battle ensues.


Scripture talks about putting on the entire armor of God, and we need to listen to it.

I know someone who was recently in a tangle with him and won. Hands down. How? Because this person's soul simply called on the name of Jesus and the enemy fled in an instant, and peace reigned once again. Interestingly enough, as rough and tumble and scary as this situation was, the person was never afraid. Annoyed yes. Surprised yes. Fighting for life, yes. But not afraid. This is because this person knew his tricks and knew what to do...

We have to pray daily for strength, especially in these times. We need to pray for faith, strength, courage, humility, love, and hope. We need to trust, as hard as it is sometimes, we have to try hard to trust.

Longing for Ordinary Time

Don't get me wrong...I love the entire liturgical year, but most of all I love Ordinary Time. Why? Well, in Ordinary time things are .....well....ordinary. There is a beauty and a rhythm to Ordinary Time and to me that makes it as special as the other seasons.

In Ordinary time we are reminded that it is the regular things of daily living that make us feel human and give us meaning. For me, I equate Ordinary Time and ordinary days when I can do, and appreciate, normal ordinary things. Things like: doing the dishes, sweeping the floor, puttsing in the yard, running errands.

I've had some times in my life that are anything but Ordinary: either really great or really bad. And in both of those times I long for Ordinary Time. Again, there is a pace, a rhythm to the Ordinary that makes it special.

How many times have I heard homlies in which the priest talks about how Jesus speaks to us in ordinary ways through ordinary people. And wasn't it Abe Lincoln who also said "God must have loved the ordinary people - he made so many of them."

Ordinary Time means there is no suped up choir with trumpetts and screechy sopranos sounding off from the choir loft, and an over enthusiastic organist playing so loud that voices of the people below are drowned out and the building shakes! It means there is no very long procession to start Mass. It means that the vestments are green - a nice earthy, ordinary color. Calming. There is no need to shop for gifts like when it is Advent/Christmas. It is just plain and simple....ordinary.

But again.....if you examine ordinary time through the eyes of faith, we realize that so much of the ordinary in life helps us become the people we are supposed to be. It just happens quietly. Day after day. Moment after moment. It is like a baby growing into a child and into an adult. If we see a baby every day, we don't see how they grow. But if we see a baby at baptism and then again at their high school graduation, we see a huge difference in the baby because now he/she has grown up. Ordinary time is like seeing ourselves every day...we change in incremental ways. Small ways, but in time we become who we are supposed to be.

Some people love the pomp and circumstance of setting up poinsettas and Christmas trees, and candles and all sorts of decorations and some people love focusing on the denial called for during Lent with all its purple spirituality. Those are cool things in their own right, but for me....as someone who used to be proud of saying she is a "Lenten person" and "I could live in Lent all the time".....now I am changing. Now I like ordinary time.

I guess as I am growing in faith, I am seeing not that Jesus is the reason for the season ( thinking of Advent and Christmas), but in fact, Jesus is the reason for ALL the seasons, and Ordinary Time is a gift to us.

So, I am longing for Ordinary time.

Heavenly Treatment for Human Weakness

I haven't written in a while. I've been busy.

Tonight I am writing about human weakness - specifically, mine.

We are all weak. None of us is perfect. If you look at the most together person you know, the reality is that they are not really together, at least not all the time. We all make mistakes. Lots of them. We are very hard on ourselves and others. I know I am extremely hard on myself when I mess up or don't measure up to my own high standards. I am always amazed at the intensity of my weaknesses.

I can promise myself to have self-control and then two minutes later the self-control goes right out the window. This happens a lot with eating and with talking. Lucky for me, Jesus already knows all the weaknesses I will display in my life today and ten years from now.

We are all called to be saints. That is foremost in my mind most days. When I have an opportunity to do the saintly thing sometimes I can do it and other times I can't. I get down on myself for being weak. I pray for strength and grace. I hope that God will take me from the mire that I often find myself in and will raise me up to be a saint. But, I can tell you right now, it will only be by his power and grace and not of my own doing. I cannot do it. I cannot be a saint without the help of the Holy Spirit.

Some days I feel I will never make it to sainthood and my heart cries deep inside. Other days, when I do well, I think that there is actually a chance for me to succeed.

I have been doing something lately that I think is helping me. You know how people go for medical treatments? Perhaps they need dialysis or chemo or physical therapy. They go to the doctor and let the doctor do what he/she has to do and they just cooperate and say yes. So, lately I've been going for "treatment" before the master physician - Jesus Himself. I go into the church when nobody is there. I lay down face first in front of the tabernacle and I say a prayer of surrender and then I just stay there. I try and clear my mind and imagine that God's grace is doing whatever He wants it to do. Like a medical treatment. I am the patient. Jesus is the doctor.

I am noticing that there is a difference inside of me due to these heavenly treatments. I feel His grace kicking in at different times and I feel more connected to Him. I am hoping in time that my weaknesses will fade away some and I will once again have courage and strength.

You see, I so much want to be the person that Jesus wants me to be. The church tells us we are called to be saints. I want to be one. I really do. Jesus help my faith increase. Help me to be open to your grace. Bless me with the gift of discernment. Heal my weaknesses. Thank you Jesus.

Less than Ordinary

There are tons of ordinary people in the world. Lincoln himself said "The Lord must have loved ordinary people - he made so many of them." That is true, isn't it? Ordinary people live day to day lives doing "normal" things like going to work, raising a family, etc... They make no huge long lasting imprint on the world except to bring forth life that will continue after they are gone from this earth. Their children will be ordinary too, multiply, and pass on. They will make ordinary choices, fit in with the "status quo", but all in all, they won't make a huge difference in the world.

There are people that are extra-ordinary too....those special people who excel at certain things. It could be sports, or entertainment, or holiness, or business, or loving, or in motivating others, or they are people that are just so charismatic that everyone wants to be around them.

Then there are those people who are less than ordinary by human standards. These are people that never really measure up to anyone's standards - not the standards of society, their family, and they even have lots of trouble living up to all the standards listed in the Bible. Lucky for them, the Bible also says that we all fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners. Less than ordinary people have potential if even to be ordinary, but for some reason, it doesn't happen.

I consider myself to be one of the less than ordinary people. Today's gospel reading was about the people who God gave talents to and some multiplied their talents, and one person buried them and had nothing to give back in return. I feel like I have been given talents. I really do. I also feel that at this point in my life it doesn't matter where I offer them, or try to invest them, they are just not wanted. I am not burying them, I am actually standing up yelling to God "Pick me! Pick me!". But He stands silent. Therefore at this time in my life, I feel less than ordinary.

So, this is related to my last blog entry on humility and humiliation. I am waiting. I'm surrendering. I'm waiting to be rebuilt. I'm holding onto my talents and holding them out there...sort of like a beggar on a street corner. But instead of holding out my hand to get donations, I'm holding out my hands to give something to those who pass by. There have not been any takers in quite some time. I am accepting that to the best of my ability.

Maybe one day soon somebody (the church in particular) will be interested in what I have to offer. If not, at least I won't feel guilty for burying my talents. God knows that I'm trying to fit in and I believe that someday he will honor that.