"Jesus, help me to simplify my life by learning what you want me to be, and becoming that person."

St. Therese









Nov 13, 2011

Less than Ordinary

There are tons of ordinary people in the world. Lincoln himself said "The Lord must have loved ordinary people - he made so many of them." That is true, isn't it? Ordinary people live day to day lives doing "normal" things like going to work, raising a family, etc... They make no huge long lasting imprint on the world except to bring forth life that will continue after they are gone from this earth. Their children will be ordinary too, multiply, and pass on. They will make ordinary choices, fit in with the "status quo", but all in all, they won't make a huge difference in the world.

There are people that are extra-ordinary too....those special people who excel at certain things. It could be sports, or entertainment, or holiness, or business, or loving, or in motivating others, or they are people that are just so charismatic that everyone wants to be around them.

Then there are those people who are less than ordinary by human standards. These are people that never really measure up to anyone's standards - not the standards of society, their family, and they even have lots of trouble living up to all the standards listed in the Bible. Lucky for them, the Bible also says that we all fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners. Less than ordinary people have potential if even to be ordinary, but for some reason, it doesn't happen.

I consider myself to be one of the less than ordinary people. Today's gospel reading was about the people who God gave talents to and some multiplied their talents, and one person buried them and had nothing to give back in return. I feel like I have been given talents. I really do. I also feel that at this point in my life it doesn't matter where I offer them, or try to invest them, they are just not wanted. I am not burying them, I am actually standing up yelling to God "Pick me! Pick me!". But He stands silent. Therefore at this time in my life, I feel less than ordinary.

So, this is related to my last blog entry on humility and humiliation. I am waiting. I'm surrendering. I'm waiting to be rebuilt. I'm holding onto my talents and holding them out there...sort of like a beggar on a street corner. But instead of holding out my hand to get donations, I'm holding out my hands to give something to those who pass by. There have not been any takers in quite some time. I am accepting that to the best of my ability.

Maybe one day soon somebody (the church in particular) will be interested in what I have to offer. If not, at least I won't feel guilty for burying my talents. God knows that I'm trying to fit in and I believe that someday he will honor that.

Nov 7, 2011

About Humiliation....

I'm thinking about the words Humiliation, Humility, Humble. The words come from "humus" which means from the earth.

Humiliation - is when someone else brings you low to the ground (symbolically speaking ). It is not a choice. You are brought low emotionally or socially or in other ways. Most of the time it is a painful thing to the person being humliated.

Humility - is knowing one's place before someone who is greater. In my mind, I equate that with God. We know our place before God. We lower ourselves becuase He is greater. This is a choice.

Humble - to me, this is an action. We can be humble in certain situations. Humbleness is the act of humility. It is the behavior that acts out how we feel inside. It is a choice, but lived long enough, it becomes absorbed into someone's personality, so eventually it is just a way of being in the world.

The greatest example of all of these words is Jesus. Mary, being second. If they are our examples, then we are called to imitate them. We too are called to be humble, and to demonstrate humility before God.

Tonight I am thinking about humiliation, as when someone is treated in a way to almost crush their spirit and bring them low to the ground; the kind that is allowed by God. Human humiliation has a purpose only to degrade someone, but the kind of humiliation God allows is not to degrade, but ultimately to lift up.

Why does God allow certain things to happen that feel as if we will be humiliated and broken forever? He allowed Jesus to be humiliated to the point that he was totally vulnerable and at the complete mercy of His creatures. So, we can't expect to experience anything less than that in our own lives, can we?

God has allowed me to be totally humiliated several times during my life. Well, maybe not several, but at least a few times. I'm not talking about the kind of humiliation that makes someone blush for a few seconds and then the awkward moment passes and all goes on normally again. I'm talking about humiliation in that one's spirit is brought so low to the ground that it is almost non-existent and yes, that it only exists by the grace of God. I'm talking about head spinning, soul splitting, face in the mud humility with devils all around laughing type of humility that goes on not for just a moment, but sometimes for days, and even months.

Some of you reading this will understand exactly what I am talking about. Others, who have not had this "privilege" will not understand at all. Mark my words though....your time is coming. Part of being human is getting a perspective, an understanding, of the role of humiliation in one's life. Part of being human is learning that humiliation has a purpose, but there are two ways to go with this. One can fight humiliation and get angry with it and curse God for allowing it to happen. Yes, we all do that. But if we stop there we will not learn its lessons. The second way is to allow humiliation to collapse you so that you are nothing but a speck, and to lay there, motionless and in complete vulnerability, much like Jesus did on the cross. It is only then that the lessons learned in humiliation can benefit the soul.

What are the lessons we can use by allowing God to let us be humiliated ? Notice please that I am firmly saying that God is not the one who humiliates us. However, He allows us to be humiliated by outside sources. Our God is a God of goodness and love. He does not humiliate. But in a rather paradoxical way, He allows it, but only in so far as it can benefit us. So then....what are the lessons learned in being humiliated? Here is my list:

Lesson 1: It allows us to stop and consider why we need to be humiliated. What is God's purpose in allowing it? There is always a reason. Maybe it is to break our pattern of pride. Maybe it is like the pot in Jeremiah that is allowed to be broken and reformed? Maybe, just maybe, the breaking and humiliation will ultimately result in a much needed healing and regrowth?

Lesson 2: It allows us to see that we need God. It allows us a "time out" to think and to cry out to God "Save me!". It can reunite us with our Savior.

Lesson 3: If we hang in there long enough and allow God to work on us during this total humiliation, the regrowth gives us a new start on more than one level. It gives us a new perspective on life and our reason for being. It shows us what is important.

Lesson 4: It helps us to realize that ultimately we depend on God for everything - even our very breath and very existence.

Lesson 5: It makes us more compassionate to others who will go through this process in the future. Since we have been through it before, we can become mentors or guides. ("wounded healers")

Lesson 6: It makes us reach out to others for help. This is something that is difficult for us to do because we all like to think we don't need anyone else. This interdependency is a strong lesson from God. We need Him. We need others as well.

Lesson 7: It teaches us patience because when we are in such a base place, and cannot move, or cannot think, or don't know which way is up, there is nothing to do but working on developing patience. Crying and wailing and cursing God will not help because we are not truly humiliated, truly broken, truly back at the beginning until we give all that up. We must lay silent and wait. This can be the hardest lesson of all.

Lesson 8: It teaches us to pray better. When we can do nothing but wait, our soul is moved to develop prayers so we can become aware of what we need and how to ask God for it. Our prayer changes when we are humiliated. We become like the publican in the Bible, who is in the back of the church praying for God's mercy while the tax collector is praying in front of the church being all proud and showy.

Lesson 9: We find that after being so humiliated and crushed beyond recognition, we finally are given the strength to pick up our hearts and realize that we have become stronger. Others may not see this strength, but we notice it. It is a quiet strength full of wisdom and trust that we know who we are in the sight of God, and we are aware of the immense grace that God has bestowed on us in letting us live once again.

Lesson 10: Our spiritual life is radically different once a period of humiliation is over. We realize that this may not be the last time we will experience humiliation, but knowing that we've lived through it once, teaches us that if it happens again we will make it through once again.

This is what I wanted to say to everyone tonight. Hope it makes sense.