Obstacles

Today our pastor talked about Obstacles in our relationship with Jesus. This was to coincide with the gospel reading of Zacchaeus.

I have obstacles. I'm working on them. What worries me is the obstacles within myself that I don't know about - that I am not aware of.

I want to be holy. I try. I'm really hard on myself, but still I fail.

Lord, help me become aware of the obstacles placed between you and me and help me to remove them - or better yet, please....you remove them because you can do it better. Then maybe I will become the person you want me to be. Like Zacchaeus I am climbing every tree I can see in order to see you better, and it pains me to think of the times you might have invited me down and I have not heard your voice.

Invisible Catholics

Given that tomorrow is Halloween and our secular world focuses on all things strange and odd, I thought talking about invisible Catholics would fit right in for my topic tonight.

Have you ever seen an invisible Catholic? Seriously, have you?

Invisible Catholics go to Mass regularly. They sit in the pew next to you. They pray. They participate in the Mass. They go to Holy Communion. You walk by them on the way out, but you don't know they are there.

Invisible Catholics see you. You just don't see them. Sometimes the priests don't even see them because they are too busy trying to catch up with the visible Catholics. Other parishioners don't see them either because they usually only pay attention to the people they are with.

I'm not talking about the angels and saints that are always present at Mass. I'm talking about people, human beings, children of God just like you....who sit in the pews longing for someone to say hello and to be welcoming. They've tried to make eye contact, but you didn't see them. It is like you look right through them to see somebody, or something, more important. They've even said hello a time or two to you but you did't hear them ~ or maybe you heard a faint voice and quietly muttered a greeting in return, but that was it. They would be so grateful if someone would see them. It is not their desire to remain invisible, but they are too afraid to show themselves.

I think there are more invisible Catholics in our churches today than visible ones. That is one reason why only 30 percent of Catholics go to church because many Catholics got tired of being invisible and so they left. It is a challenge to go to church if nobody cares that you are there or asks you how you are doing. The invisible Catholics that do stay despite the coolness within the church have a good understanding of the Eucharist and won't leave no matter how much they are ignored, but many others just walk away.

I think priests and other church leaders are so overloaded with duties that they do not have the energy or the time to look at an invisible person and say "There you are! I see you! How are you? Welcome!". They become like the others and let the invisible person stay invisible. It is easier that way isn't it?

Heck, I know a lot of invisible people who have tried to become visible, but it was too scary so they went back undercover. To step out and be visible is risky in today's church. I know someone who kept trying really hard to be visible, almost to a fault, but the pain of stepping out each time became greater and greater, so it was back to the realm of the invisible.

I think sometimes those who are visible are happy with the status quo and like the invisible people to be there to take up space because somehow the church feels more full that way. Invisible Catholics are usually quiet, gentle, shy people who have a really strong faith, but don't want to step on anyone's toes. Every once in a while they may get the courage to step out into the visible world to share a profound thought or opinion. But the visible people just smile and nod, and turn away, much prefering the status quo. The visible people have an extremely difficult time being welcoming for fear the invisible people will take over and they will lose their status. This may not be conscious on their part, but it is a dynamic in this problem.

Someday it will be the invisible who will be running the church because Jesus said "the meek shall inherit the earth". I think that is what the visible people are afraid of. It is the tax collector bowing silently in the back of the church and the child who the apostles push away that Jesus invites to come closer to Him. It is the adulterous woman who is a nobody to her village that Jesus goes to. It is the outcast that Jesus is drawn to. It is the person of great faith who people think is wierd. These are the meek.

The visible people have to realize that if they would only be more welcoming; perhaps if they would smile and nod, or introduce themselves, the invisible Catholics would have the courage to step out of their fear and respond, and the visible people would see that the invisible people really don't want to take over. They just want to be "a part of".

I think invisible Catholics have a deep relationship with Jesus because He is all they have. The rejection from the visible Catholics force them into solitude and prayer with Jesus, who is always there to welcome them. So I guess this is a perk to being invisible. But I must say that visible people many times don't outright reject an invisible Catholic, as I mentioned above. It is more like they just don't notice them at all, but that in itself is a silent rejection of sorts. In their silence the invisible Catholics gain wisdom that could be of value to the visible Catholics, if they would only listen. The visible Catholics could use their position in the parish in a very powerful way if they would only be more open and welcoming to the invisible Catholics.

Invisible people would feel more courageous if our priests and bishops would tell the visible people that they won't melt if they talk to an invisible person, and they won't be robbed of their special place in the parish for welcoming someone who is invisible.

Jesus, open our eyes. Let our church shine the way you want it to shine. Let the visible people be more welcoming and give courage to the invisible, and give our leaders, clergy and laity alike, the power to be good role models of welcoming and warmth.

When all else fails....

When all else fails...Jesus is always there.

When life gets really rough and things come against me, the first person I run to is Jesus. St. Peter said in scripture to Jesus: "To whom else can we go Lord, you have the words of everlasting life.". Even during a time when I was very angry at God, I knew that there was really nobody else to go to - no other God. It was Him. Jesus Christ.

No matter what goes wrong, or right, my "go to" Person is always Jesus. He can handle my anger and disappointment. He is the "go to" Perosn when I need help. He sends his grace and angels to help me in ways that surprise me every day. Truly, there IS nobody else to go to than Jesus for real action. He does have the words of eternal life. He IS the Alpha and the Omega. The buck stops with Him.

I guess, what I'm saying is when all else fails....Jesus doesn't.

Got Grace?

In the last couple of days I have had a growing awareness within my soul that God has given me a little extra dose of Grace.

This Grace is expressing itself in the form of an increased confidence and trust that God will take care of me and that everything will be okay.

To be honest, this is a bit of an odd feeling for me. I do trust God alot, but this extra dose is really noticeable and is changing how I move through my days.

I have been a little more relaxed despite having to deal with very stressful things. I have felt a little more inner peace. I have had more of an eternal perspective.

I truly hope that this Grace sticks with me. Thank you Jesus.

Believing and Loving

Today I had a thought....

The sun had just set. I was walking a dog. All was quiet. The moon was shining brightly. I was walking up a small hill and it dawned on me....

The thought I had was that just because someone believes in Jesus, doesn't necessarily mean that they love Him.

I know lots of Catholics who believe in Jesus, but their belief in Him doesn't necessarily affect their lives, or rather, how they live their lives.

If someone loves Jesus, then their lives are changed, and they behave differently in the world.

This was my "big thought" for the day and I wanted to share it with anyone out there in cyberspace who likes to think about these things.

Have a good night. I'm beat and ready for sleep.

More than I think I am?

Today somebody challenged me to realize that I am more than I think I am.

I have to take that line and reflect on it through the eyes of my faith.

Who do I think I am? In faith,I am a child of the Almighty God. In practice, I realize that I am a terrible sinner who is a child of the Almighty God, who is in need of healing.

Is it even important for me to think about who I am? I suppose so, but only in so much as this thinking will ultimately help me see who I am in Christ. If the focus is on me in a self-centered way, that is not good.

What does it mean to "realize" ? To become aware....to know.....to see the truth....I think that changes day by day. It depends on my level of sinfulness on any given day, but should it? Shouldn't it be a constant thing? I shouldn't let my emotions determine who I should "realize" I am.

I am challenged. ( ha ha ha ) Everyday I am challenged. The devil, our society, my own mind, attacks and challenges me each day, and I have to have the spiritual courage to rise to the challenge.

So tonight I am challenging myself to think about how I am truly more than I think I am on any given ordinary day. I am a child of God.

What does it mean to be a child of God? WOW. That will take me a lot of thinking, so much so that I will not write anymore tonight about it. I have to think on it in private.

I wish so many things...

Tonight I am feeling uneasy inside.

I am thinking of all the problems in the world and it makes me sad.

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel things so deeply. I have always been like the princess and the pea (see one of my earliest blogs for info on this if interested - March 3, 2010).

I wish I could help people more than I do. I wish I were rich and could give money away to help others. I wish I could help my parish more. My parish is undergoing some repairs and they are costly. I wish I could help out more ~ or better yet, I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and make everything better.

I hate to see people stressed out, including myself. It seems like everyone in our country right now is on edge due to the economy and many other things.

I wish I could be a better person. I really try, but sometimes I just mess up. (Thank God for confession). I do or say the wrong thing. I put my foot in my mouth. I sometimes get a little too emotional about things. I feel so passionate about so many things and I guess sometimes I try too hard, or perhaps I need to try harder? My intentions are good, but you know they say "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

Will I ever be enough to really make a difference in the world? or even my own little community ? It seems that our world is moving so fast that people don't even have time to sit and chat. We are definitely becoming human "doings" instead of human "beings". That is how I feel sometimes.

I just know in my own life how hard it is to make time for the things that really matter. There is all this meaningless stuff that we have to get done in our days and what does it amount to? Wasted time.

What does Jesus want us to do and to be? How can we really be what he wants us to in today's world?

I wish I could BE more as well as DO more. I wish I were enough instead of "not enough". Part of me feels like I have so much to give to the world, but then the other part of me says that I don't have anything much to give. I can do a lot of things. I am very capable, but I don't think my gifts are needed right now. I am like a fallow field, waiting to be useful.

Many times I feel like I am just a pain to everyone, and the last thing I want to do is annoy people. These last few years people ( who will remain nameless ) have made me feel like I am nothing but a bother and shouldn't take up space on this planet. I'm beginning to think that I am hopelessly flawed, although I know God doesn't make junk, but that is how I feel sometimes.

I just wish I could belong somewhere. No matter how friendly I try to be, it seems like I always end up standing on the outside of the circle saying "Hey people...why don't you let me in? Will someone please tell me what I did wrong? Can you please tell me what it is I have to do in order to be included in your circle?" And they don't answer.

They never do.

So I keep praying and trying because I have faith that there is a reason for things, and there is supposed to be something I have to learn through all of this.

Oh, how I wish so many things........

Being a "truly single Catholic" in the Church today

Before I make my comments on the subject of my blog tonight I want to clarify what the words "truly single Catholic" mean. I feel I must offer my definition because many people I've talked to have different definitions. Being a truly single Catholic, as defined by me, means that an individual has lived according to the teachings of the Catholic church throughout his/her life and have never been married or lived with someone in co-habitation (a.k.a. shacking up).

Many Catholics today think "single" means you can be divorced or widowed because you are "single again". I am of the belief that a person cannot go back and be truly single once they have been married. Why? Because remaining single and Catholic is very different from being divorced or widowed and Catholic because of the history of what a person has experienced. Both divorced and widowed people experienced marriage in its various aspects, single people have not. So while single people are living out their lives as Catholics, their perspectives on the world and relationships are very different because they have not experienced the variety of things that divorced or married people have.

I must also add that being truly single does not mean being a single parent. Yes, a single parent may not be married, or have never married, but they have still experienced part of the marriage experience by having a child with someone, or by someone, if I can be a bit blunt about it. A single parent may have been with someone for only a night and that night resulted in a pregnancy. A single parent, never married, or who has previously been married, has some of the responsibilites of someone who is not single because they have a child and are a parent. I hope this doesn't come across as insulting to single parents, who very often view themselves as single. In my definition though, they are not truly single, only single in circumstance.

Someone who is truly single does not have children, is not living with someone, and is not divorced or widowed. They are plainly single in all aspects of their lives. They are living, and have always lived, a chaste life as expressed in the teachings of the Church. It is this experience of being truly single that they bring to the church. I hope this definition makes sense to you.

So here you have some people who are truly single and are members of the Catholic Church. Add to this fact that some of these single people feel that they are not called to be married, and are not called to the priesthood or religious life, but feel called to just remain as they are, giving their whole selves to their church, their friends, and to where God sends them in the world, even if it is just their local community. Wasn't it St. Paul who said that it was better to remain single? Here is what St. Paul says in Corinthians: "I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction."


The purpose of this blog topic is not to discredit people who are single parents, divorced, or widowed, but to bring to the forefront truly single Catholics - a topic that is rarely, if ever, thought about in the church today.

This brings me to wonder how those who are married, divorced, widowed, single parents, or consecrated priests and religious, view people who are truly single.

Granted, truly single people may not be "the norm" in the Catholic church, or even the world, but still they are just as important as anyone else in the church. What are the stigmas that truly single Catholics have to deal with in the church today? Well, truly single Catholics have to deal with people assuming that there is something wrong with them that prohibits them from having a long term committed relationship. Other people just assume they are gay. Sometimes truly single people are unintentionally ostracized because the Catholic church focuses so much on families. Sometimes truly single people are looked at "in suspect" (I dont' know what other term to use) if they are seen having a cup of coffee or a talk with the spouse of someone in the church, or with a priest (if the single person is a female). If a male, and the male wants to help with say...young people....well sometimes people think "why is that person hanging out with youth so much and not with a girlfriend?". What if God is calling this male to work with youth as a minister or catechist? Given the scandals in our church during the last several years I can see where someone might think that, however, let us be reminded that the scandal was very sadly started by a small number of very dysfunctional clergy and not the lay people. (But that is another topic for another blog.) Why should this person be suspect just because he has a special charism with youth? Do you get where I'm going with this?

I think our world is so scandal crazed that if anyone does anything out of the "box" society has created, they are suspect, especially in the Catholic Church. But hey, I guess we should just tell people to look at people like St. Joan of Arc, Catherine of Sienna, and St. Francis? I bet they got their share of raised eyebrows !! These three people were solely focused on doing the will of God and that made their societies and probably their local parishes very uneasy. They were all a little "off" in their societies opinions wouldn't you say? Joan of Arc, a teen, should have been dating or staying home learning to cook instead of fighting battles for Jesus. Catherine should have been married too instead of "interfering" with church leadership, and St. Francis should have stayed home and spent his daddy's money and married into another weatlthy family!

God calls people as He wills, and who are we to say that truly single people are somehow flawed more than the average person because their life's goals might be a little different than what society's are ?

I am digressing a little bit here....but I have so many thoughts on this issue.

Another myth about truly single people is that they must be incredibly lonely. Well you know what? The lonliest people I have met are people who are married! Single people get lonely once in a while too. Everyone does, but please don't assume someone is lonely just because they are single.

There is a difference between being ALONE and being LONELY. Now, sometimes being alone isn't so great in the church either because I find that oftentimes truly single people are ignored or forgotten in the church more than anything. It seems as if the only thing a church knows what to do with truly single people is to stick them on a committee to try and give them a sense of community. Now that is not a bad thing necessarily, but when the person is only on a committe or involved in a ministry, but then forgotten at other times in parish life, that is not good.

I think it would be nice if the church would recognize that some people are not called to be married, or called to the priesthood or religious life, but are just called to single, living for Jesus. Trying to make a difference.

Another thing a Catholic church could do is to encourage families to invite a truly single person to attend church functions with their family. Some single people ( and this includes widowed and divorced people too ) don't attend church functions because they have to walk into a room full of people and they see couples and families and set clicks and there is nobody to welcome them. You will see these people try. They will come in to a gathering. They will look around. They may hover over by the punch bowl and look like they are looking for someone, but then after several minutes of nobody being hospitable and welcoming them to their table, or into their converseation, they will quietly slip out the door.

Another thing that could be done is if priests would acknowledge single people occasionally in their homilies. Even comments like...."here in our parish we have all sorts of people young, old, married, single, widowed, etc...". Perhaps priests could also bring out the wonderful gifts truly single people bring to the parish becasue they might have a more free schedule than married people or single parents.

I also believe that priests and church leadership need to recognize that truly single people also see the church as their family in a different way than other parishioners do. There is more of a connection to the parish as "family" and they need to have a role in that family system. In short, they need to be needed, welcomed, embraced, and respected. Sadly, most often they are met with the opposite.

I'm hoping that some of my words are bothering whoever is reading this tonight because these are things that need to be said and it might make people think about the truly single people in their churches. Raising awareness is the first step, as they say.

I think it would also be nice if priests would occasioanlly acknowledge truly single people for their commitment to the parish and to Jesus. Truly single CATHOLICS are truly single FOR JESUS. They may not be consecreated, but their entire focus is on Jesus and what they can do to help the church. Prayer is a priority for truly single Catholics because Jesus is the focus of their lives, in whom they find meaning, direction, and consolation.

Truly single people are often the people in parishes that fall through the cracks and are afterthoughts. They are just as much a part of the parish family as everyone else but they often do not feel a sense of belonging. If not embraced as an equally respected, important part of the parish family, in time, they will shrink back and just sit in the pews week after week, year after year,or they will leave. The sad part is that when they leave, nobody notices.

One more thought: Truly Single Catholics have a responsibility too. They have to make their needs known from time to time ( hence the reason for writing this blog tonight). They have to try and initiate a connection with their parish family as best they can. It is a give and take.

This is what I am thinking of tonight. I hope it makes you think too. (I think I broke a record with the length of this blog entry....Oooops ! )

Update on T.M.I.C.A.M.

Well, I did take Monday off from the J.O.B. this week. We had good weather. I was going to do projects, but then I just knew deep inside that I needed a real break. There were a few unavoidable responsibilities that I had to complete but aside from that I had a really relaxing day.

I hung out with some cool cats and a dog. I had lunch with a friend by the water. Then we took a nice walk in the perfect air temperature. Then I came home and I took an hour nap in my hammock in the back yard. Oh, and I went to morning Mass - a "not to miss" event in my day.

Like I said, I could have been doing so much more, but you know what? I'm glad I took a chunk of my day to have a rest. My blood pressure went down and I actually felt a little bliss and contentment.

Wish I had more days like that, but this morning I hit the pavement running and it will be quite some time before I get another opportunity for a real break. I'm thankful I had Monday.

T.M.C.A.M.

T.M.C.A.M. = "Too much coming at me".

Today was a very hectic day. This year has been a hectic year. Today I was so busy at my J.O.B. and on the way home I started to get some little twinges of stress in my chest. All my muscles were so tight in my body.

It made me think that ya never know when someone will croak and leave this earth. You know that saying that at the end of their lives, some people say they regreted spending too much time at the office. Too much work. That is what 2010 is like for so many people, me included.

How do we get off of this monstrous ferris wheel that we've gotten ourselves on? I got off once - for four years. I was an entrepreneur. It was very tough financially. I was really poor, but God got me through. However, my days had a flow to them and I had more freedom than having to work 9 - 5. I worked hard, but it was a different hard than what I do now. I want to be an entrepreneur again and have to start working towards that goal. I have a plan too and I will start putting it into practice after Thanksgiving when my schedule shold calm down a little bit.

But I was thinking of my death...when would it happen? Not that I want to know, but when my chest started twinging today I thought "wow, what if I'm having a heart attack?". Of course I wasn't, but it made me think.... in the course of my thinking I figured that people would miss me maybe a week and then I'd be forgotten. Sad, but true. But, they may miss me a whole month at work until they find someone to take my position. Other than that...someone would eventually take over my spot in the third pew in front of the tabernacle and my memory would probably very quickly fade away.

I did buy a grave plot this year, well, I'm paying on it. It is in a lovely spot. It is on a little slope, with a tree with white flowers in the springtime. I wanted a little view since I'd be there until the second coming ! LOL ! It is in my neighborhood too so when I rise for the final judgement I will know where I am. LOL !

However, I digress....lately there is just too much coming at me. Too much stimulation. Too much "in my face". I hardly know where to turn next. It doesn't matter if it is at home or work, I have so many responsibilities right now. I truly think that I will have to take a day off from work next week just to try and slow down a bit and get some things done.

So, this is too long. I don't even know who I am writing to. I don't know if anyone is reading my little blog. Probably not, but I am tossing it out in cyber space. It is a different way of journaling and despite what I write from my heart, it is very edited and not too personal. At least I don't think it is.

This is just my opinion anyway.

Needing time...

Today I am wishing that I could have more prayer time. My schedule has been such that for the next 8 weeks or so I can't take my usual prayer time after work. I can take some time, but it is more brief a time period than I would like.

I know I can pray in the car and while I'm doing things, but the kind of prayer time I really have been into these last few years is just being before the Blessed Sacrament in my third pew from the tabernacle, or kneeling or sitting right in front of the tabernacle in my very quaint and very adorable Catholic church.

I'm already looking forward to Thanksgiving when I can give myself my own little mini-retreat. I will bring my prayer book, my journal, my Bible, my sketchpad, and get settled in for a good few hours of quiet time and conversation with the One and Only Prince of Peace Himself, Jesus Christ.

Until then I will have to deal with the snippets of time and maybe I will get a good few chunks of time in prayer. But this time of year it is difficult to have the certain amount of prayer time that I want. I'm sure Jesus understands. But I miss Him when I can't be in my favorite prayer spot.

Oh well, people may think I am strange, but I really don't care. People who like to pray will understand what I am talking about.

In the mean time, the days are getting colder and shorter, and my schedule is getting busier. I have to pace myself. Soon it will be Thanksgiving and then it will be oh so much better.

That is all I want to say tonight.

Blessings received...

I had a few surprises today.

First, someone invited me to lunch.
Second, someone else invited me over their house for tea.
Third, I received the gift of a beautiful cross necklace.
Fourth, someone wanted my opinion.

I did't expect any of these things. God decided to bless me through these people.

I was going to work on my fixer upper today, but these opportunities arose so I figured it was God saying "take a break" and "go do something interesting". So I did.

Thank you Jesus.

Theology and Sanity

Years ago I read a book called "Theology and Sanity" by Frank Sheed. It was a big fat book. The kind of book where you read a line and think about it for a while before going on to the next line.

Today something he said in the book has come back to me. Actually, I've been thinking about it for a while now.....in the book he stated that today many people say "God is in everything", when the reality is that "Everything is in God".

Lately, that thought has been helping me feel more calm. It is not just that God's holy spirit lives in me, but that my whole being and everything around me lives in God. Today I pictured myself, and all of creation, "in the belly of God" so to speak - like a type of a Jonah and the whale scenario (but better).

If we live in God, then we are safe because God is all around us and we cannot get lost if we are in God.

But then the question of evil popped into my small mind. And I thought....if everything is in God, and God is all goodness, then how can evil also be present?

Hmmmm....so then I was thinking...of original sin and Adam and Eve, and found myself getting ticked at them again. (It is all their fault if you ask me). But I digress...

I guess I'm back to the "weeds and the wheat". Because we have free will, humanity can and has, invited evil in. God tolerates it because it isn't time yet to separate the sheep from the goats and the weeds and the wheat.

So, then I thought.....if there is evil present in all things that are really living within God, are we truly safe? After all, one can walk across the street and get killed, or one can be an innocent embryo in his/her mother's womb and get killed, and all that still lives in God.

Are we more safe then, when we ignore or turn from evil and invite God in more than evil? Definitely yes. That is my thought anyway.

So the more we trust in God. The more we ask Him to keep us safe and to be with us, then the safer we will become. Darkness disappears when a candle is lit, so if we cleanes our hearts and try to stay sinfree, then God is all the more present to us, and dispels the darkness.

But still then, all things, good and bad, live with in God. Something tells me that I should not imagine all this as a physical being of God, as some giant person, holding all things within, for God Himself has no boundaries - no beginning and no ending...I don't think my mind is large enough to understand this subject.

So I will quit thinking about it for now. But I do feel more peace knowing that I am living IN God because that is exactly where I want to be.

...and I love being very close to His heart when I visit him in the Blessed Sacrament. That is truly my happy spot on the planet - very close to my sweet Jesus...the one who is within me at the same time I am within Him. I guess that is what communion is all about.