Protect us from all Anxiety

"Protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ".

I think I've remembered that line from the Mass correctly. This is often one of my favorite prayers in the Mass. It amazes me how God knew we would have to be protected from anxiety.

I have had a very anxious week or so. My stomach has been in knots. My mind has felt like a cob web filled with anxiety. My sleep has been restless. My only glue has been Mass and personal prayer.

We have a lot to be anxious about in our world, don't we? I wonder how people even begin to cope with anxiety if they don't have a relationship with Jesus? I would disentegrate into nothingness without Jesus.

It is hard to wait in "joyful hope" when feeling anxious. I will have to meditate on that in particular. But, maybe I'm not understanding it correctly. Again, I will have to think on it.

Jesus, please protect us from anxiety. East the pounding of our hearts. Help us see with the eyes of faith and trust you with all our being. Amen.

May my words rise as incense

Today I am praying

to be forgiven
to be understood as well as to understand
to grow in faith
to trust more
to have wisdom and discernment
to be a better Christian
to be able to focus more in prayer
to be able to surrender more to God's will
to not be a disappointment to Jesus

May God grant me a deeper faith in all ways from this day forward.
Come Jesus, Come.
I am waiting.
Please come.

A Prayer for the Future

Tonight I am grappling with trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do next in my life. My life is coming to another set of crossroads and I'm either going to have to continue going straight, or I will have to make a left or a right. One thing is for sure, I certainly can't make a U-turn.

I have been trying to practice discernment while anticipating these impending crossroads. I know God knows where I will be in a year and what I will be doing with my life, but I don't. So I have to pray and keep my eyes and ears open for how the Holy Spirit might be directing me.

It is interesting that soon we will be celebrating Pentecost - the descent of the Holy Spirit, and the birthday of the Church. I am going to try and be really open to hear where Jesus is directing me to go.

One of my favorite sayings is: "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.". Jesus knows where my life is going and what choice I am going to make. I want to make the right choice - the choice that is in His will and the choice that will make me happy.

If you are reading this blog tonight, please say a prayer that I will hear His voice clearly. Thank you.

St. Francis - a Saint after my own heart

The other day I was in a retail store where pets are not allowed. However, a man was shopping with a 6 week old puppy in his arms. The store clerk went up to him and my guess is that she was going to ask him to leave, but then something magical happened. She became mush and just had to pet the puppy. The next thing I knew, there were several customers gathered around, all loving the puppy and the puppy was so happy - lots of tongue licking and tail wagging was going on! The owner was beaming at all the attention his precious pup was getting. I overheard the clerk say that they were not supposed to have puppies in the store but she was not about to kick them out because the puppy was so cute.

Have you ever seen how most people react to dogs, especially puppies, or other pets as well? People start talking baby talk to them, puckering up their lips as they speak, and they are drawn to them. For dog lovers, dogs are almost always irrestible. When a dog is spotted you can almost always hear someone say "Look how cute!" or "Awwwww", or something like "Oh good - a puppy! I love puppies!"

Do you ever wonder if dogs look at people the same way that we look at them? Do you think all the tail wagging is a dog saying "Oh good! A human!Look how cute! I love humans!". Personally, I think dogs are alot cuter and nicer than most humans alot of the time. They love unconditionally. They don't criticize or judge. They don't care if you are dressed nicely, how much your sneakers cost, what kind of car you drive, or how much money you make a year. They are just happy to have some attention and perhaps a dog biscuit or a frisbee to chase.

To me, and I mean this in the purest, nicest sense possible - a dog is a reflection of God's unconditional acceptance and love in some ways. Perhaps God put dogs on the planet to remind us of how we should love? Sure, I know some will say that dogs can't love like God can, and that is true. Dogs also can't love like people can either. I know that love is an act of the will and is not a feeling, so I'm not insinuating that a dog's emotional capacity is that of a human being, but ya gotta admit - dogs are very intuitive and compassionate. They have saved people from heart attacks, rescued people, sat with someone who is crying and by their presence they have consoled them. Other animals have also done the same (My cockatiel once saved my house from catching on fire by alerting me that there was a problem in the kitchen. If I didn't run in when I heard her screech, the whole place could have been in flames.)

God made all of creation for us. Dogs are a part of that creation. Now, in my mind I can see that God looks at us like we look at puppies. God is like "Oh good! A human! I love humans! I made humans! They are so adorable and I just love them so much!"

For me, I know God loves me and it has bewildered me for many years now exactly why He loves me. I am a horrible sinner. My sins were some of the sins that nailed Him to the cross. As much as I love Him, I still do not treat Him with as much respect and love as I say I want to. No matter how much I try, my love will always be imperfect. But yet, God still loves me, unconditionally. He just wants me to love Him in return and will do anything for me, and He did. He died for me.

When I am with dogs, and all pets, and I see how sweet, honest, gentle and compassionate they are, I know that they are signs to me of God's love. Just last week I was very sad. I went to visit two cats. Right away one of the cats just knew I wasn't right. He doesn't always let me hold him, but that day he let me pick him up. As I cuddled him, I broke into tears. Not the loud sobbing kind of tears, but the kind that just flow down your cheeks like a quiet river. I was a wretched mess. Instead of jumping down, my furry friend stayed, and he purred louder than ever. He gave me the comfort I needed at the time. You see, in my life, when humans are not available, God will often send me a pet or two. Sometimes pets are even better than humans for comfort because they do not tell me I look ugly when I cry, and they do not say "that's enough" or "ya gotta pull yourself up from your bootstraps", or they don't tell me I'm being overly sensitive. They are just present. They sit. They wait. They watch. They don't leave me alone. And then when I'm ready, we play and the next thing I know, I am cheerful again.

St. Francis was so right about animals. They are such wonderful gifts to us and tonight I am thanking Jesus for my furry friends.

Faith Power

This morning I was thinking about how much "faith power" it takes to live in the world today. Have you heard the metaphor about cooking a frog ? You know...you put the frog in a pot of cool water and slowly turn up the heat. It is so slow that the frog doesn't realize he is slowly being cooked because his body adapts to the water temperature. The next thing he knows...he's cooked and dead.

I think that is a relevant metaphor for our society - not just in America, but throughout most of the world as well. The last few decades have had us living in an enviornment that is slowly turning up the temperature. I'm not talking about global warming. I'm talking about how evil has turned up the temperature in the world. Many of us are being desensitized to the works of evil and are slowly being cooked, losing our souls in the process, and many are not even aware of it.

We have many ways of dealing with this. Some deny that it is happening. Some rationalize it. Some minimize it. Some tell themselves it isn't affecting them. some point it out in others but are not aware of it in themselves. Some are aware of it in their own lives but are not concerned about stopping its infiltration into other people's lives.

I've been accutely aware of this lately and it has been on my mind. Sometimes I feel assaulted by our hyper-technological world and consumeristic society. It is an "in your face" type of culture where sin is either non-existant or sinful behavior is praised. Perhaps you feel the same.

I have found that unless I use self-control and set boundaries I fall victim to it.

So, in my thinking this morning, I have come to realize that I have to pray even more so that I have the grace and strength to resist the assaults that are coming against me. I have to continue to reject those empty things in our culture that take up my time for no good reason. I have to have more silence so I can reflect on my life and where I am going and what I am doing with it for Jesus. I guess what I'm saying is that prayer is becoming more of a necessity for me than ever before. It is more important than my daily vitamins. It is what keeps me connected to Jesus and it keeps me grounded and focused. Well, that and Jesus Himself in Holy Communion.

Gone are the times when run of the mill prayer will get me through the day. I believe that all of us who call ourselves devout Catholics must beef up our prayer times and the quality of our prayer. We have to be more diligent in rejecting the assaults of evil, however they are masked, and we must pray for discernment. It seems to me that to be a christian today is far from being the norm. Living as a christian today almost means that one has to be radical about it.

We need to use all the "faith power" we can muster to deal with our world today and to do that we need to stay connected to the Source - the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

These are my thoughts for today.

Traveling with my posse

If you just took a quick look at me you wouldn't realize that I travel with a posse. I am not a V.I.P. I am not rich. I am not famous. I'm really not anybody special at all. But I still travel with a posse.

The dictionary says a "posse" is a temporary police force, except mine isn't temporary. I need my "peeps" 24/7 to keep me on the straight and narrow and to keep me protected. Still, despite their wonderful help, I still tend to get myself into jams because I don't always listen to their advice. You know that saying: "Do not lead me into temptation because I can find it for myself"? Well, that's me. Perhaps you can relate?

I have asked the angels and canonized saints in Heaven to keep very close to me, as well as a few close friends that have passed from this life ahead of me, and to protect me. I particularly like to enlist the help of Jesus (of course), Mary, St. Michael, Matthew my guardian angel, St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Catherine of Sienna, St. Padre Pio, and John Paul II. There are others I invite along too, but it depends on the day. These are members of my posse.

This world is more and more being assaulted by evil. It is a challenge to be a good christian today because there is so much coming against us. So the way I figure it, we need to ask for some extra help from Heaven in order to make it through our days. Hence, I have a posse!

Now, I know plenty of people, good christian people as a matter of fact, that poo-poo talk about evil infiltrating the world and they just say it is superstition or a good excuse to not take responsibility for our own negative actions. But you know, even good people who love Jesus are still human beings and are still sinners. We still give in to temptation, make bad choices when we are angry, and all that sort of stuff. I don't believe we intend to do evil or cooperate with it, but that we can get disensitized, or fall into temptation, or just plain ol' don't think about what we are doing, or the consequences of our choices. So, the next thing we know is that evil has made an appearance and we are caught.

That brings me to one of my favorite Sacraments: the Sacrament of Reconciliation because this Sacrament is like having a giant black board eraser that wipes out our sins and puts us back on our spiritual feet. The only difference is that it isn't a black board eraser - it is our sweet savior, Jesus, who does the erasing. How can we ever thank Jesus enough for this Sacrament?

We are called to be saints and so we have to try our best to run from temptation and make amends when we've messed up. All I can say is that I think I wear my "peeps" out because it seems like they always have to rescue me from getting into some sort of trouble. I can wake up in the morning with the best intentions and then I run into trouble. My "peeps" have helped me out of so many situations or they intervene and I am reminded to make the right decision. I am grateful for their guidance.

If you don't have a posse, you should consider getting one.

Intrigued with saints

Lately I've been thinking about saints. You can probably tell that by a couple of the blogs I've written recently.

So many of the things we read about saints can make us believe that they were so holy throughout their entire lives that their feet hardly even touched the earth. Some of the shows on EWTN explain that saints had hard times too. They had "issues" like the rest of us. They had stressors and made mistakes. Some of them were pretty big sinners until they turned their lives around too. That gives me hope because I mess up every single day. I mean, some days it is pathetic how much I mess up.

It makes me think about who are the "saints in progress" around us each day? I guess we could say that any serious christian is a saint in progress. It is neat how, on EWTN at least, they talk a lot about how we are all called to be saints. It gives us an ultimate life goal to work towards.

That makes me think: if sainthood is seriously the goal of our lives, then what can we do each day to work towards that goal? One of my favorite saints, St. Therese of Lisieux, believed we should do small things with great love. Sounds easier than it is to do. I have tried it. Sometimes I do really great. Other times, not so great.

The church holds out saints to us to encourage us, to ask them to intercede for us, and to be role models for us. Then there is the whole aspect of humility. The saying goes that the minute you think you are humble, you're not. So how does one judge if they are humble or not? That is something I wonder about.

Then there is the problem of being nice to people who are not nice to us - to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. That is very difficult. Sometimes I do it and I don't "feel" love for the person I'm praying for, but I pray for them anyway. I wonder if that is okay? Kind of a "fake it until you make it" sort of theory. Maybe eventually the love will come once you see these enemies in the light of prayer.

I wish there were more spiritual directors in the world to discuss these topics with. I have so much to talk about. I'd love to ponder these questions with someone who has wisdom and time to give. It is difficult. That is one reason why I love to sit in my pew in front of the tabernacle. I bring all my questions to Jesus. He must see me walking into the church and says to Himself "Oh no, here she comes again!" But because He is Jesus, He then says "Oh good - here is an opportunity for me to share myself with someone who wants to listen and learn!". Of course, I'm just using that as an example of course.

Boy, tonight I could write forever. But if you are bored, then you can just click me off. I am wondering also about discerning the will of God for one's life. Sometimes I know that I know that I know I am in God's will and other times, I'm not so sure it is me or God that I'm hearing. But that is a topic for another day: perhaps tomorrow.

Until then, let's continue to be intrigued with saints, because in doing so, we just might find inspiration to live more holy lives ourselves.

On Being the Hundreth Sheep

Do you know the story of the Good Shepherd in Scripture? The one where the Good Shepherd leaves the 99 to search for the 1 lost sheep?

Have you ever been the hundreth sheep? Have you ever lost your way out of the fold and the Good Shepherd had to go find you and bring you back ? I think we all have, a time or two at least.

But let me throw this idea out for your contemplation. Did you ever consider the fact that someone could be the lost sheep while still in the fold? The Shepherd is nearby, the other 99 sheep are nearby too, but that little hundreth sheep is still lost even though he or she is right there in the fold.

Think about it. We have pews upon pews of Catholics in the Church. The sheep in the pews are counted in the fold. They look good on the outside. They dress nice. They are smart. For all intents and purposes, they are well liked by the rest of the flock. But what we don't see is that they are lost.

You know what they say...the squeaky wheel gets the grease? Sometimes the hundreth sheep doesn't squeak. He/she just sits there in the pew, unable to reach out, lost, hoping that someone will notice. But they don't.

This is a challenge for the Catholic Church. We are much bigger than many little community protestant churches. A protestant church may have only 40 familes in it, or perhaps 200. Many Catholic parishes have 1500 families or more. That is a lot of sheep for an earthly good shepherd to watch over. It is very easy to lose your sheep with those odds.

What is the answer? We can't clone the earthly good shepherds because cloning is against our faith. We can't give them more work to do because they are already stretched thin taking care of the squeaky wheels in the fold and many other aspects of being a shepherd. Perhaps the good shepherds could train and motivate some of the sheep to watch over the other sheep? That way, even though they don't have the skills to take care of all the needs of the lost sheep, they can at least alert the earthly good shepherd that there is a problem in the fold.

As Catholics, we are part of an eternal community, an eternal fold. We want to keep the fold together and we want to keep them moving in the same direction, dutifully following the Good Shepherd to the promised land. We ALL have to be alert for the lost sheep.

Because when a sheep is lost, and hurting, and their needs are not met, eventually they will not be able to follow anymore, or they will curl up into a corner of the pasture and watch the other sheep from afar. And they will wonder...what about me?

Now, in reality, outside of what I am asking you to contemplate, is the reality that the GOOD SHEPHERD, Jesus Christ Himself, knows about the lost sheep, and he calls the good shepherds, the earthly representatives of Jesus Christ, to stand in His place. These earthly good shepherds are great, but not perfect like Jesus, and they have faults. Some times they do not look for the lost sheep, and therein lies the danger. Sometimes they are overwhelmed, or afraid, or just plain too busy.

Many sheep can be injured, lost, stolen by the wolf, or worse yet, taken from the flock forever.

This is a big responsibility for an earthly good shepherd, so that is why we all have to help each other - sheep and shepherds alike. We have to atune our ears to the One True GOOD SHEPHERD so we know what to do and how to minister to one another.

We don't want to lose anymore sheep because someday the Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ, will ask not only the shepherds about the lost sheep, but I believe He will also ask the sheep remaining in the fold about the lost sheep too, where they might be, and what might have happened to them, and why weren't they found.

This is what I'm thinking tonight.....

Shooting for sainthood and missing....

How many saintly people are living in your church? Your neighborhood ? Your family ? Your workplace? Are you a saintly person? I want to be, but sadly, I am not. It isn't for lack of trying. I just don't think I have it in me to be a saint. If I ever make it to sainthood though I will probably be the patron saint of mistakes, or those having trouble keeping their mouths closed, or for those who eat too much chocolate after 6 PM. Realistically though, I think they would make me the patron saint of dead animals on the road because every time I see a dead animal on the road I say a prayer for it. Seriously.

But, let's get on with the topic of living a saintly life, shall we? Do you know any holy people? I know three. I can never be as good or holy as they are. They are always even tempered. I am not. They have confident faith on a consistent basis. I do not. They are optimistic in times of trouble. I am not.

I have a deep desire inside to be a saint, but the realities of life are strongly proving me otherwise. Sometimes I think I should just live in the confessional. I should wear a t-shirt that just says "I'm sorry" every day.

I keep thinking that if I pray enough I will eventually change. I have made some changes, but it is gruelingly slow work. God doesn't make junk, and I believe that. I am not junk. But He is the potter and I am the clay, and I think He will have to break me back down and start me back up on the potter's wheel many times over before I will even resemble being a saint.

I am not going to give up though. I may cry oceans of tears before it happens, but that is my goal. I am counting on all the promises we have been given - God's grace, peace, mercy and justice. Plus we have all the Sacraments. Today I asked the Holy Spirit to pour out His gifts on me so I can be who I am called to be.

We'll see. If I can just get through tomorrow without putting my foot in my mouth or being overly sensitive about something, I will consider that a victory towards my cause of sainthood.

Lord Have Mercy. Jesus, I trust in You.

Jesus, the ultimate friend

Jesus has lots of wonderful titles: Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords, Master, Savior, Messiah, etc... He also has the title of "Friend" for many people. Tonight, Jesus is my friend, and I am relying heavily on His friendship.

When everyone else is against me, or when I am alone, or when it is 2:30 AM, Jesus is the only friend that shows up. And He stays too. I am so thankful for Jesus' friendship.

Don't get me wrong. I am not trivializing who He is by calling Him a buddy or a friend. I know full well that He is also the Master of the Universe, the Alpha and the Omega, and the Almighty Word of God. I know all that. But sometimes I just need a "warm and fuzzy" friend from Heaven and Jesus is always there. He never leaves me alone. I hope you realize that He can be like that for you too.

You see, there are other faith traditions on the planet that see God as some sort of energy or impersonal force, not a God that you can have a real relationship with. God is an idea, or a theory. But not us. Our God has flesh and bones. Our God gives Himself to us again in the Eucharist at every Mass, and in so many other ways throughout our days.

If Jesus gave up His life for us, then why do some people think He is not also there with us in the little events of life? He loves us so much that He remains with us - to give us strength to get through our days. And some of our days are pretty rough, aren't they?

I'm coming off of a rough couple of days myself and the next few don't sound that great either. I am counting on my friend Jesus to be with me. I hope you can do the same. Come Lord Jesus, Come dear Friend and be with me, and anyone else who is reading this little blogspot.

Despite the Weeds and the Wheat.....

In today's world we definitely have the weeds living among the wheat. The weeds are growing large in the sunlight. They are taking over the wheat in many areas. The world looks ugly due to the wheat. But in Matthew 13:30 Jesus said "Let both (weeds and wheat) grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them, and to put the wheat in the barn.'"

What I've noticed in the last ten years or so is how the weeds have also grown rampant in some areas of the church, as well as the world. I love the church with my whole heart, but I would be a fool if I didn't notice this. Despite these weeds that are growing rampant, the Holy Spirit is still in charge.

I am comforted by the quote I mentioned in paragraph one because the weeds will be dealt with at the final harvest by Jesus Christ Himself.

Until then we followers of Jesus need to pray for the strength and the courage to be protected by the weeds who are out to destroy us. Some of the weeds are in our very own parish communities and by the grace of God we have to pray for them, confront them when necessary, and avoid them at all costs. That is my opinion anyway.

Sadly, today I did not see the weeds coming and they pounced on me in a surprise attack of sorts. I was left blind sided and dazed. I spent nearly a whole day in tears.

May the Wheat grow tall and firm and strong. May the Wheat sway in the wind with confidence. May it prosper and glow in God's Sonlight (not a typo). May the Weeds realize their fate and have a conversion experience. This we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Ask the Angels!

Someone once told me that the Catholic Church is never empty...that even though the church is not full of people at every Mass, the angels make up the difference in the pews. Ever since I heard that I often think of the myriads of angels that are at Mass with us. When there is nobody next to me in the pew, which is often, I will think how there are angels on either side of me, singing their little angelic wings off. Isn't that cool?

There are people who know a lot about angels. I know some things about angels. I've read a few books about them. I've contemplated angels. I've talked to my guardian angel. My guardian angel's name is Matthew.

How do I know my guardian angel's name is Mathew ? Well, many years ago I was just starting to question the existence of angels and was doing some research. I desperately wanted to know if my guardian angel had a name. Someone told me that I should just give my angel a name and be done with it. Well I just figured that my guardian angel must already have a name and was named by God, so I didn't want to come up with a made up name.

So, perhaps this is going to sound crazy to anyone reading this, but this is what I did. I started praying and asking God to tell me the name of my guardian angel. I prayed for a good two years at least. I didn't give up. One night I had a "God dream".

In the dream I found myself on a beach at night. Perfect temperature. Stars were out in the dark sky. Jesus was standing face to face with me. He was incredible! He told me that he had to leave to go and do something. I asked him, "Lord, if you go, who will take care of me?" Jesus said " Mathew will." I asked "Who is Matthew?" Jesus looked beyond me to the right and nodded towards someone. I turned and looked. On a rocky jetty, sat this magnificient angel. He was seated, with his arms around his knees, all in white, and his wings moved ever so slowly. Despite the darkness, he was bright. He turned to look back at Jesus, nodded in reply, and then looked at me and nodded too. Then I realized right there in my dream: MATTHEW is my guardian angel's name! I turned around quickly to thank Jesus for the answer to my prayers and Jesus had already left to do whatever he had to do. I looked back towards Matthew and as I did, I woke up. The dream was over. Ever since that dream, I know Mathew is my angel's name!

So anyway, Angels are anothe reason why I love my Catholic faith. Again, we have the "fullness of Truth" and angels are part of that Truth. Tonight I thank, and celebrate, the angels, especially Matthew. Another Angel I am close to is St. Michael. I love St. Michael. The way I see it, I have three body guards with me at all times: Jesus, St. Michael, and Matthew.

I will end by saying this: Don't ignore God's angels. Ask them to pray for you and to be with you and those you love. Don't be afraid to ASK THE ANGELS. God uses them as His messengers all the time and they are real.

Divine Mercy

This coming Sunday is Divine Mercy Sunday. The words "divine" and "mercy" are such beautiful words by themselves, but when you put them together they are even more wonderful.

Have you ever thought about God's mercy in regards to your own life?

None of us deserves God's mercy, yet He gives it to us readily. That just blows me away! God's mercy has been poured out upon His creation for eons. Even today He still reminds us that His mercy is there for those of us who desire it.

I believe that God's mercy is in effect everytime He chooses not to smote somebody who comes up to receive His Body and Blood unworthily. It is His mercy that lets us draw our next breath when we have so often and so deeply offended His precious name.

I can receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and feel so wonderful afterwards because my sins have been forgiven, but sometimes it takes me less than an hour for me to commit another sin. Without God's mercy my soul would be in eternal danger.

Jesus, I just want to thank you for your love and mercy. We don't deserve it. I suppose I will never fully comprehend your ways. Your mercy is like the ocean waves on a beach - they never stop. Please help us all become aware of your mercy in our lives - miserable sinners that we are. Please help us be worthy of your mercy. Please help us be as merciful to others as you are to us.

Amen.

The Gates of Hell will not prevail

We were promised in Scripture that the gates of Hell will not prevail against the Church. And they won't. But I must say that Hell is certainly trying its ugly best to prevail and cause havoc for everyone.

Not even a week ago we celebrated the great feast of Easter. The Easter vigil was magnificent. The solemn reflective nature of Lent passed into a joyous outburst of "Alleluia He is Risen!". Holy Week was just the best! Then Monday came.

It is officially called Easter Monday, but for me, someone who had to return to the regular work week, it didn't really feel like Easter Monday. It felt more like "just another Monday" and I was asking myself how many days until Friday!

Oh how I wish the joy of Easter would be easier to hang on to! In the depths of my heart I want to live that Easter joy every single moment. But it is a struggle because the gates of Hell pound upon the earth and attempt to assault our souls and do whatever it can to smash our joy. It can make it hard to keep our focus.

For me, it is 100% essential that I stay connected to Jesus. Otherwise I don't think I could even begin to make sense of this crazy world. Hanging on to Jesus is what gives me the strength to deal with things after I get out of bed in the morning. I try to go to daily Mass and after work I try my best to get to church for some quiet prayer time. Sometimes I'm not so focused in my afternoon prayer, but I am there. Jesus knows my heart and how crazy my days can be and He knows that sometimes I am not that great at praying. But I sit there anyway, in my little spot in the third pew in front of the tabernacle, in hopes that His grace will still touch me.

As the first week of the Easter season comes to a close I ask Jesus, and St. Michael, to push the gates of Hell far away from me and from everyone. Please instill within us massive amounts of grace so we can be bright shining witnesses of Easter joy to everyone. Amen.

On Waiting for Silent Conversions

I used to think that a conversion experience consisted of being knocked off of one's high horse like Saul experienced on the way to Damascus: a moment of instantaneous knowing exactly who Jesus Christ is that totally transforms us. In the next moment we lift our heads from the mire of ordinary life and rise in the form of a "Super Christian"! Okay, so I'm a little warped, but that is what I used to think.

As the years have gone by, I have come to believe that most conversions are a slow turning towards Jesus, not the falling off of one's horse type. Of course Jesus can still move us along in our faith in a mighty way, but I think many times conversion experiences are unseen by others because they take place within the deep recesses of our souls.

I know most of us would hope that Jesus would make us saints in an instant. It would save us a lot of spiritual growing pains along the way. But the more I understand the lives of the saints I can see that in most cases, they took the time to wait for those moments of silent conversion. They took the time to be with Jesus and to wait on what His Holy Spirit would do with them. That takes not only time, but patience during waiting.

I think silent conversions occur after hours of cumulative reflection, delving into scripture, abandoning ourselves, waiting through times when nothing seems to be happening in prayer, and trusting that when we take the time to sit with Jesus and wait that He will indeed come to us and transform us.

I think sometimes we realize that we've experienced a silent conversion when we are faced with certain situations. We find ourselves understanding things differently, or reacting differently. Perhaps we have greater wisdom in a situation that we didn't have before, or perhaps more self-control. We know we are different somehow.

I think waiting in prayer is essential to prepare our souls for silent conversions to take place. It allows God the time and the space to work within us because we are there before Him, surrendering, vulnerable, and waiting. We have removed distractions and our focus is solely on Jesus. He is the potter and we are the clay.

In time, like the sea rolling endlessly over a rough rock and making it shiney and smooth, our souls, if we sit long enough in His presence, become smoothed by His touch and transformed. We move from being rough sinful people to shiney saints.

These are my thoughts for this evening. John Paul II pray for us.

The Resurrection and the Rabbit

We Americans can be such fools. I mean really....why would someone in their right mind choose to celebrate and perpetuate the myth of a furry bunny that hops along during the eve of Easter and delivers baskets (much bigger than itself) filled with candy and colored eggs, which it apparently lays, to children of the world?

Unbelievers would disagree with me and would pose this question: Why would someone in their right mind choose to celebrate and perpetuate the story of a man, claiming to be God, who was crucified and then 3 days later, rose from the dead?

From a totally objective, undeducated, "blank slate" perspective, one might think that both of these possibilities are just plain silly.

Someone once asked me, aren't we Catholics being arrogant to propose to the world that we have the "Fullness of Truth", and that other christian denominations only have some of the truth? I responded that yes, it would be arrogant, if it weren't true. But the fact is, we do have the Fullness of Truth within the Catholic Church, and part of that fact is the reality of the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Anyone who approaches this question with sincerity and study, will eventually find themselves coming home to the Catholic Church, the only Church Jesus founded.

The resurrection is fact, not fiction. Jesus is God enfleshed, who came down to earth to save us from eternal death and damnation by allowing the sinfulness of humanity to fall upon His shoulders so that He could carry all of it to the cross, destroy it, and win back our salvation that was lost in the Garden of Eden. Without His doing that, we wouldn't stand a chance against the gates of Hell.

Yet in our American culture, the Bunny appears to be winning, doesn't he (or is it a she? Probably a she because of the laying eggs part of the story!). But don't lose heart. This is only temporary, for the Resurrection will have the last word. You know that childrens' story about the tourtous and hare? The hare thought he was winning in that story too until the tourtous crossed the finish line, winning the race. He was slow and steady.

The Catholic Church is steadily and slowly moving forward in time, carrying this grand deposit of faith like a turtle carries its shell on its back. We don't worry about the rabbits because we already won the race a couple of thousand of years ago on a small hill called Calvary.

I would like to end my little blog tonight by challenging all the Catholics who are reading this to make Easter truly a celebration of the resurrection. If you didn't do it this year, do it next year.

Choosing the Resurrection over the Rabbit is a no brainer if you ask me. But that is just my not so humble opinion. I would say, sure go ahead and bite the head off of a chocolate rabbit and enjoy it if that makes you happy at the moment, but go beyond the ham, the eggs, and the generic "spring" family gathering, and share the real meaning of Easter with others.

Here are some tips for doing so next year:
* Participate in all the Holy Week liturgies at your parish.
* Read the resurrection stories to your children.
* Pray a grace before your Easter meal.
* Put a religious centerpiece on your Easter table - a statue of Jesus, perhaps?
* If you are going to decorate Easter Eggs, put religious symbols on them.
* Invite your priest to Easter dinner.
* Give each guest coming to your Easter dinner a little religious gift: rosary.

What else can you come up with?

The Last Night...

Tonight is the last night of the triduum. Sigh......Holy Week is my favorite week of the entire year. In just a half hour or so I will be at my little Catholic church down the road enjoying a fantastic Easter Vigil. I love this "high church" stuff (in english, not latin). I love everything about tonight. I hope this vigil lasts a long time so I can savor each moment.

I LOVE BEING CATHOLIC! I am so excited for the people entering the church around the world this night. Thank you Jesus for going through all that you did for me. I can never ever repay you, but I will try to do my best for you while I'm puttsing around on this earth.

Happy Easter Vigil Everyone !

The Greatest Practical Joke

(I dedicate tonight's blog to Pope John Paul II the Great because this is the anniversary of his passing into Heaven.)

Someone once told me that the greatest practical joke God ever played on the devil was that on Good Friday the devil thought he had "won" when He saw the Son of God dead on the cross. There must've been some party in Hell on that Friday night....ooh, I betcha that little creep downstairs was on his high horse and bragging to all the little devils that he had taken down the one and only Son of God. He must've had himself a good laugh...for a couple of days at least.

Well, we all know the end of the story, and the devil did not win. Can you imagine his horror and dismay the second the resurrection happened? Can you imagine the big belly laugh God our Heavenly Father must've had when He saw the look on the devil's face after the resurrection? I betcha that ol' devil had quite a temper tantrum!

Nobody does anything better than our God and boy, did He ever play the biggest practical joke EVER on that little creep downstairs?!

Today is Good Friday. It was the day that our beloved Jesus, gave all that He had for you and for me. It was the day our salvation was won back and Jesus broke the chains that had bound us since the dawn of humanity.

In hindsight, we know what Good Friday is all about because we know that the resurrection happened after it. However, back then they did not know what we know. Jesus' followers were confused and most abandoned Him. The day of the crucifixion was a dark scary day. They didn't understand what was happening even though Jesus had tried to prepare them.

And then his mother Mary, also our Heavenly mother...was there at the cross through it all. She is a model for us. She didn't run from the cross even though what she was seeing before her eyes was splitting her heart in two. She was present with her Son when He needed her the most. Her love kept her there just as Jesus' love for us kept Him on the cross. As humiliating as it was for Him to have His mother see Him like that, I bet she was the one comfort He truly had, especially after He cried out to His Father asking Him why He had abandoned Him, because that is what he was feeling at that moment. I never thought of that before, until now.

So, the joke on the little creep downstairs is not just that Jesus' death wasn't final, but that through His death and resurrection, God gave Mary to the world as our mother. In her humility God rose her to the height of Queen of Heaven. That must've been a slap in the face to the devil because I wonder if he ever regretted being so arrogant to the point of being kicked out of Heaven. If he had only stuck it out as a humble angel, he could have had so many blessings. But he chose not to be humble.

I think it is neat that humility always trumps arrogance. Something for all of us to think about this Good Friday night.