"Jesus, help me to simplify my life by learning what you want me to be, and becoming that person."

St. Therese









Jul 29, 2010

Written in Stone

This year I purchased a grave site and I've been trying to figure out what I would like to put on the headstone. These are my thoughts...

...."Wait! I just forgot one thing!" (Because I'm always going back in the house after something.)

...."She really tried, and God honored that."

...."At least Jesus loved her."

...."Ready or not Jesus here I come! I hope my mansion is ready!"

...."Can someone open a window please?"

...."If you buried me in a dress I will haunt you."

...."Somebody please pray me out of Purgatory!"

....."She lived to her goal of 105!"

Jul 28, 2010

Daily surprises

It is only Wednesday and so far this week I've talked to a variety of people.

I've talked to someone who recently got out of jail for domestic violence. I talked to a few children who have been sexually and physically abused and neglected. I've talked to well educated people. I've talked to an autistic boy whose main concern is watching the beginning of videos and playing them repeatedly. I've talked to a woman whose relative is close to death. I've talked to an 11 year old who has been so abused and neglected that she trusts nobody on the planet. I've also talked to a few arrogant people and people with bad attitudes. I've hugged and comforted a few crying children. I've spent some time crying myself, and praying.

On the flip side, I watched just born monarch butterflies released into nature, flying high and free. I've seen two miniature horses brighten the day of several small children. I've seen a 20 month old screech with delight and wave "bye bye" as he was getting ready for a nap. I've walked a dog whose mere presence makes me smile. A friend helped me out this week. I've felt a nice cool breeze coming in my window in the very early hours of the morning. I heard a song I liked on the local Christian radio station. I've received the body and blood of Jesus at Mass.

All this, and it is only the very end of Wednesday. It just goes to show you that you never know what is going to happen after you get out of bed in the morning.

Jul 27, 2010

Swimming through cement

Being a christian, especially a Catholic christian, in 2010 is like swimming through cement.

The secular world presses hard against those trying to be authentic christians. There are so many struggles. So many obstacles. It is truly like swimming through cement.

Today I am hearing more about God's grace. I think the Holy Spirit is presenting the topic of grace for me to take to my prayer and reflection time.

I can't do anything without God's grace. With God's grace I can do anything I am called to do.

What is He calling me to do? What does He want to equip me with to stand firm against the assaults against me? Am I hearing God's voice correctly? These are the questions I am thinking about lately.

I am swimming through cement, but thank God that Jesus is my life guard. He won't let me drown, and if need be, He will walk out onto the water to save me if I start to go under.

Come Holy Spirit. Teach me more about your grace.

Jul 23, 2010

Our Global Recession - not just financial

The world has gotten itself into a global recession. I've noticed lately that it is not just a financial recession, but a spiritual, emotional, and moral one as well. People are hurting and suffering and are confused on so many levels.

We need to get our multi-continental acts together. To me that means we need to have a gigantic individual and collective conversion experience, so I pray,

COME HOLY SPIRIT.
RENEW YOUR PEOPLE ON EARTH.
SOFTEN OUR HEARTS.
MAKE NEW OUR SPIRITS.
DRAW US CLOSE TO YOU.
MAKE US AWARE OF OUR SINFULNESS
AND MOVE US TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.
AMEN.

These are my thoughts this night.

Jul 21, 2010

Today I saw the suffering Christ......again

Today, once again, I had the opportunity to sit and minister to the suffering Christ.

Tonight I am writing to share my experience of how this ministering is affecting me and who I am and who I am becoming as a result of it.

It is a very disheartening thing for me to see a small child in such emotional pain. This small child is going through some rough things due to the abuse he has suffered in his short life.

To see his face crunch up in terror and emotional overload makes me want to jump in and rescue him. I try. We all do. But today, after his episode was over and he collapsed on the floor in a ball and just wept, crying out for his "mommy" in an exhausted, weak sort of way, all I could do was talk reassuringly to him, rub his back, and gently wash his face with a cool washcloth. He eventually sat up and was able to hear my voice, make eye contact, and move on with his day.

To see children every day who through most of the day appear like normal, healthy, silly children, then suddenly become terrorized due to some hazy memory of being sexually abused, or hit, or abandoned, or not fed, or neglected can sometimes be very very hard.

This is one of the main reasons I go to church so often. I have to bring these things I see to Jesus and I have to let his Grace flow over me and strengthen me for the next day. It is the only way I can make sense out of what I see each day through my work. It helps me see that the children I try to help each day are really my suffering Jesus in disguise.

The sad part for me is that every single day, in some form, I see Jesus being crucified and sometimes I don't see resurrections, only the sad parts. Then I think of the future these little ones will probably have and it can sometimes be overwhelming.

Still, the call is there...."whatsover you do, you do to me" - "he who receives a child receives me.".....

I can't ignore their cries because then I would be ignoring Jesus who is my everything.

Jul 19, 2010

The all knowing Shepherd

The Mass covers a whole range of issues that touch humanity:

Anxiety....have you ever felt it?

a bad feeling in the heart's core
that travels through nerves,
toppling reason,
pushing adrenalin through every vein.
A slow steady interior shaking
that escalates until tears eek out.
Sometimes irrational thoughts and words spill out
upon the world
causing embarrasment and regret

Anxiety.....
a self-sabotaging emotion
that crushes confidence and enjoyment,
and pushes the true God-created person
into a tizzy.
It creates self-doubt, worry, and fear to creep in.

"Protect us from all anxiety as we wait
in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ."

Jesus knows his sheep. Everything we need is in the Mass. Amazing.

Let us all sleep in peace. Free of anxiety and with dreams full of hope for a better tomorrow.

Jul 18, 2010

A New Mass Experience

There is "saying Mass" and then there is "praying Mass". That is what I think anyway....

Today I participated in a Mass where the presider, a bishop, spoke every word of the Mass with heart, intention, sincerity, focus, depth of meaning, in total love and trust of God, and with pastoral care for the people gathered in the church. I was astounded. Plus he seemed filled with joy and contentment.

I observed a new depth of holiness today. Thank you Jesus.

I have been to many awesome liturgies in my life (they are each awesome in their own way because of what the Mass is), but this one really touched my soul due to the holiness of the bishop who presided. Oh, he also had wisdom. End of my thoughts for tonight.

Jul 16, 2010

The Art of Quieting the Soul

My thoughts tonight stem from my prayer time this afternoon. After work I went into my cute little Catholic church. I knelt before the tabernacle and let the memories and hectic schedule of my day flow out of my heart and mind and into the House of God.

It takes about 20 minutes for me to settle down before I can do any serious prayer. Even then sometimes it can be a challenge to speak to Jesus in a focused manner. Thoughts still pop in and out of my mind: what I will have for supper, what I will do for the rest of the day, if I will fall asleep easy tonight, what do I have to do tomorrow, and lately, what I'm anxious about, etc...

Then I start talking a lot to Jesus and spilling everything out of me. I pray for lots of things, which I will not reveal here in my blog. That is between me and Jesus. Sometimes I basically stop there and end my prayer. Tonight I caught myself and realized that here I was giving Jesus an earful and didn't listen to him in return.

Sometimes it is hard to quiet my soul enough to just listen and "be" with Him. Today I am looking forward to creating some time, perhaps on Sunday afternoon, when I can have a big chunk of time to go and sit with Jesus and get to that place of super quietness. The place where my mind isn't racing and I invite the Holy Spirit to come. For me sometimes I have to wait on the Lord for quite some time. Oh, he is there, but it takes such a long while to quiet my soul down so I can hear His still small voice.

I think one of the big tips on how to quiet your soul is to take ample time to wait in silence. Another thing that works for me is to see an image of Jesus in my mind or to ask the saints and angels and Mary to pray for me.

Sometimes I have to wait a really long time. Sometimes even months, but other times almost no time at all goes by and I am in my "Jesus Zone". He takes it from there.

One thing I want to say is that it is really a struggle to quiet the soul enough. Our world is so crazy and we really have to work at carving out time to discipline ourselves. It is hard to wait. It is hard to be silent sometimes. Sometimes it can be downright frustrating beause you think why wouldn't Jesus just show up when he has a willing creature sitting right there waiting.

I think Jesus makes us wait sometime so that we can practice the art of waiting and being still. We learn patience. We learn perceverence. We learn some discernment too. And I think in the waiting we show Jesus that we are serious about prayer and about wanting to connect with Him. We prove it to ourselves even more.

Quieting the Soul in today's world is very wierd indeed. From time to time when I bring up sitting in church and praying with say, a co-worker, they first look at me like I have two heads. Then they have a moment of admiration, and then they always say they could never do that. But that is defeatist. Of course they can. God made us to want Him and when people start getting in the habit of silence, they find it refreshing - almost like a good exercise workout, but different and better.

I won't go on and on about this. But if you are reading this little blog spot of mine and these words touch your soul in some way....take the challenge and carve out some quiet time for yourself and persevere. You see, Jesus wants to be with you so much and he wants you to make the silence so He can come and be with you. How can anyone pass up an invitation like that?

Jul 10, 2010

The Catholic Way

I love being Catholic. I really do. I think being Catholic affects everything I do, or nearly everything.

My Catholic values and perspectives reflect in my life's choices. The teachings of the church guide my life. I love 99.9% of the Catholic Way of life. The only thing right now that I am struggling with, and hope to conquer someday, is the Latin Mass. I don't get it. But that is for another blog.

Tonight though, I am very pleased with the other 99.9% of Catholicism! Most of all of course, the Eucharist. Jesus remains so close to us in the Eucharist. Then we have all the heavenly angels and saints that help us. I bet sometimes we don't even know when we are getting some heavenly help by the angels and saints.

I am also grateful that God has given us holy priests to keep providing the Eucharist for us. We have to pray for our priests and for God to send us more.

I love the smell of incense. I love the sound of Church bells. I love all the colors in the liturgical year. I love the symbols of water, bread, wine, oil, etc.... I love the sacredness of the inside of a Catholic church. I love our rich history. I love the Bible. I love ordinary time and I love Holy Week. I love Lent. I love Advent but sometimes the secular Christmas stuff gets in the way of my being able to enjoy it as fully as I should. I love the rosary. I love the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and Mary. I love St. Michael and all the saints. I love all the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Reconciliation. I have also had the grace of having the anointing of the sick as well.

I love sitting in the quiet of a church before the blessed Sacrament. I love the prayers we have. I just love all of it.

Pray for me regarding the Latin Mass though - that is a real struggle. I'm good to go with just about everything else though. So for me, I'll keep living the Catholic Way because I know it will take me to Heaven.

Jul 6, 2010

Shhhhhh.......

How much silence have you had today?

How much did you talk when you should have listened?

What did you see with your eyes of faith today?

God speaks in a "still small voice". Unless we listen, how can we hear Him?

What does God's voice sound like? Do you recognize His voice?

Is your life crazy busy with no time for silence? If so, then tell yourself "Shhhhh", and quiet yourself in a secret spot known only to you and Jesus. Go there. Sit. Wait. Listen. Breathe. Listen some more. If your thoughts get busy, once again tell yourself "Shhhhhh".... don't rush. Don't expect to hear right away.

Wait on the Lord, and He will come.

And you will be amazed, but first you must "Shhhh........."

Have a blessed night.

Jul 5, 2010

Gone with the wind

All things are passing. This world as we know it will someday pass away and we will be given a new Heaven and a new Earth. Doesn't that just blow your mind?

So think about it: everything that we own will someday be gone. Our homes. Our furniture. Our clothes. Our cars. Our Dunkin' Donut cups. Our baseball mitts. Our TVs and our computers and our cell phones too. No more video games.

So what will be left? Just us and the essence of who we are. As the saying goes, "You can't take it with you."

It is kind of hard to think about not having any "stuff", isn't it? We rely on our stuff to get us through our days. What will we do without it?

We will worship our God. We will sing with the angels. I hope that is what I'll be doing anyway. I hope I make it to Heaven. I will be happy even if I just get inside the pearly gates (main entrance!).

I had a dream once. My grandfather had died and I was worried if he made it to Heaven or not. He didn't believe in God or Heaven. One night, about 3 months after his death, I had a dream. It was a "God dream" - short, to the point, very vivid and unforgetable. When my grandfather was alive I would tell him about Heaven (my understanding of it at 19 years of age.) and he would "poo poo" my comments. He would say that he didn't believe in Heaven, but if Hell existed he would probably be there. After his death I prayed so hard that he made it to Heaven.

Anyway, in this dream, my grandfather walked into the room. It was so real. I shouted GRANDPA and started to go to him. He said to me: "Don't touch me. I can't stay. I just came to tell you that Heaven is ten million times more beautiful that you said it was and I'll see you there." And then he left. I woke up. I had noticed in the dream that he was wearing a suit and tie and he had no shoes on. Several months later I was telling my grandmother about the dream. She also had some issues with God. I think what made her believe that it was true was how I described how he looked. You see, it was a closed casket wake. I never saw what my grandfather wore. I also didn't know that the funeral director gave his shoes to my grandmother, so he was buried without shoes on.

So, someday all of this around us will be gone with the wind - the wind and power of the Holy Spirit. What will remain will be "us" - all that God created us to be. We won't need our stuff because our eyes will be fixed on our sweet, beloved Jesus.

I'll have to remember I wrote all of this whenever I get sentimental about a "thing" and am trying to decide if I should give it away, or the next time I want to buy something that is rather frivolous.

Anyway, this is what I'm thinking about anyway. Have a blessed night.

Jul 4, 2010

What is this world coming to?

Lately I've been a bit overwhelmed with all the immorality and disrespect in our world. Are there no more men who are gentlemen? Are there no more women who are ladies?

Seems to me that so many people don't think twice about using vulgar language. Don't they know that they are called to be so much more than what they present to the world through talking that way?

It seems like the good are outnumbered by the bad. It seems like the negative widely overshadows the positive. It can be depressing.

But I am holding on to Jesus and trusting that it will all work out in the end. The weeds live among the wheat, but Jesus' words will not come back void.

In the mean time all I can do is pray and try to be a good person. I do need to find more positive people to hang out with though in order to counteract all the negativity I face very day.

Sometimes between the stress of my J.O.B., all the horrible stuff on the news, and some of the negative people I come in contact with each day in our consumeristic selfish American culture, I get so overwhelmed.

I'm glad I can run to Jesus in prayer, receive Him in the Eucharist, and all the other positive things I get out of being Catholic....because in the end, what the world is coming to is the fulfillment of God's word, and then all will be well.

Jul 1, 2010

The Thing About Prayer....

I think that the big secret to prayer is perseverance. We must not give up praying even if we feel like we don't want to, or can't get "into" it.

I think the thing about prayer is that we have to commit to prayer and make it part of our routine and then stick to it. Again, perseverance.

If we persevere in prayer, God will honor that we are trying. He will see our faith and that we are trying from the depths of our being, and He will bless us for our commitment to Him.

So I want to encourage everyone reading this to pick a time every day, even if it is 10 minutes, and make that your prayer time. Also choose a prayer place for yourself.

If you have a set place and time, then you have to "stock" the place like they stock rivers and lakes with fish. Stock your time with what you will need - a Bible, a prayer journal, a prayer book, etc...

If you have the place, the time, and the materials, all you will need to do is get yourself there! My favorite place is in front of the tabernacle - third pew in front of the Tabernacle - in my little Catholic Church. Lately I haven't been able to go there so my second choice is either a holy island not too far from where I live or my newly constructed, home made little chapel upstairs! The in-my-home chapel is really neat because I can go there even in the middle of the night and even in my pajamas! It is so peaceful. It isn't anything fancy, but it is very special.

So anyway, the thing about prayer is to do it and to not give up, have a place and a time and you are on your way! Jesus will do the rest!

Can I get an Amen to that?