Notes about Prayer

This is what I learned about the nature of prayer and today's world within the last year:

I have to pray more than ever just to "maintain".
Prayer is conversation with God and this takes dedication to a relationship.
Prayer, as with other conversation, takes numerous forms, lengths, and purposes.
The atmosphere I pray in is important to how well I pray ( most of the time ).
A quick shout out to Jesus in the form of "HELP ME!" is just as effective as a long prayer.
Prayer can be painful because I become very vulnerable to God. I have to show him my full wounds in order to be healed.
I have to listen very carefully and become very silent for long periods sometimes in order to hear what Jesus says.
Sometimes I have to deal with Jesus saying nothing.
Prayer is about learning to love, accept, and forgive.
Prayer takes commitment to a time each day, or a couple of times.
Prayer can be a stress reducer sometimes.
Prayer keeps my life in perspective.
The rosary is a great prayer when I can't focus.
Movement in prayer can help too - genuflecting, bowing, kneeling, laying prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament.
Focusing on a picture or statue helps.

These are my thoughts for this cold and rainy lenten evening.

Happy First Anniversary to my Blog

I just realized that I have been writing this blog for just about a year. WOW. I started this blog about a week or two after getting my gall bladder yanked out of me. I was recuperating from that surgery when I started it.

So much has changed in that time. The best change has to do with my health. I feel stronger and better now than I have in quite a few years. Thank you Jesus for that BIG TIME. I still have to lose some poundage, but that isn't too bad.

Most of the other changes have been negative. There really isn't much that I am enthussed about in my life right now. Everyday presents its own struggles and I move on. In addition, our world is going to Hell in a handbasket,as they say. Wars in the middle easter, Tsunamis, earthquakes, nuclear meltdowns and floods abound. My own Catholic church worldwide is being attacked from within by the vilest of evils. Families are being destroyed. The world's economy is tanking and prices are going sky high. Abortion continues. Sin abounds especially in those who don't think sin exists anymore.

All these things have changed since last year. My soul is more fragile than ever. I fall on my knees frequently and try to pray. I know I am in God's presence, but I don't really hear His replies.

Still, I am trying to trust, to be brave, to be patient. My faith tells me there is hope.

A year of blogs is an accomplishment. I hope that some blogs helped others, or at least gave them company. I hope some were blessings. I know it feels good for me to let things out this way - to write my thoughts, opinions, confusions, wonderings and ponderings.

I don't know if anyone is reading this, but perhaps I'm not meant to know. That is okay too.

Lenten thoughts

I was listening to a sister on EWTN this afternoon. She was talking about joy in suffering. My ears perked up because right now I am undergoing some issues with suffering myself. She seemed to think that if we could be content with the suffering coming our way, then somehow it was heroic virtue, and the suffering could be meaningful and help us grow in holiness.

I am thinking about what she said. We are all called to be saints. I want to be a saint too, although I am so far from it at this point in my life. Saints suffer with a contentment willingly. I don't do it willingly and I don't know how to do it willingly. I need instruction and guidance with this. I suppose it probably has something to do with connecting it with Christ's passion.

I am trying to lift up my suffering for the souls in purgatory. I am trying to see that my suffering is also due to some attacks from the enemy. Some of it is due to attacks from others. Some of it is due to myself. I am praying for deliverance on all three counts. I am praying the prayer of St. Michael. All other prayer has been quite impossible, although I have tried. My lips mouth the prayers, but I can't concentrate on what I am saying.

Today's gospel reading focuses on the Holy Spirit leading Jesus into the desert. I am still in my spiritual desert, but today those words resonated with me because it was the HOLY SPIRIT that led Jesus to the desert, not the evil one.

Here I was blaming my being in the desert to everything but the Holy Spirit. But it is His fault. He has used others and circumstances to plop me into the middle of the desert. He wants me to be in the desert right now just as He wanted Jesus to be in the desert. Jesus rebuked the temptation and attacks. I don't think I've been that strong to be able to do the same. Why does he want me to be in the desert ? Purification perhaps? I need that.

Jesus, please help me through this desert. Send me the help that I need. Give me courage if no help will be forthcoming. Please preserve my spiritual life and my relationship with the Church that I love.