This Lent is two years since I've started this blog. I just wanted to say that. Now, on to my topic...
Lent is a time for change and improvement. Change is difficult sometimes. There have been times in my life that I have welcomed changed and worked hard at it. Most of my days, actually... but there are some aspects of my personality that I really would like to change and I am having a difficult time with it. Sometimes I think these things cannot be changed. Other times I think it is a matter of just being self-aware and focused and then I will be "new and improved".
At other times I think God made me this way, or allowed me to become the way I am, for a reason.
I was thinking recently about who I was as a child and if I am still the same, and if so, then perhaps that is the way God made me so that I could use that aspect of my personality for the world ( however big or small my world is at any particular time). When I was really small, maybe 8 years old, I remember breaking up a conflict between my sister and this little mean kid from the neighborhood. I remember today that I negotiated and literally stood between the two of them, as in a UN deal. I remember preventing the violence.
I remember many other times in my life when I stood up for injustice even though it made me quite unpopular. As a rule, I am a first class chicken. I am generally gentle and polite, but when an injustice pops in front of my face, I have to speak up. It is very hard for me to do so and I get nervous/anxious and think to myself to be quiet. But then something wells up within me. I have come to know that "something" ( most of the time anyway ), is the Holy Spirit telling me to act. There are times, to be honest, when it is not the Holy Spirit and my emotions that take over, but I have come to know the signs when it is the Holy Spirit. Do you want to know what those signs are?
Well, one sign is that it is a consistent impulse from inside to speak up and the words flood into my mind, or the actions that I'm supposed to do. I try to ignore it, rationalize it, try not to focus on it, etc....but it keeps coming back. It is a haunting type of feeling. It was the prophet Jeremiah wasn't it that stated for him it was like burning coals in his mouth until he spoke. Sometimes that is how it is with me - like burning coals. Then, once I speak it, then the pressure subsides and I get a feeling of peace inside. Later on though, I may think twice and feel incredibly stupid, but as the days go by and I reflect on my words or actions, then I usually know that I said or did the right thing.
Some people have told me that I am brave. I don't think that because many times when I have spoken up I get backlash. I can get ostracized. I have been rejected. I have been misunderstood. In a strange way though, all those things tell me I did the right thing. The ultimate knowing though, is a deep sense of peace that I listened to the Holy Spirit.
I don't know if any of you understand what I am trying to say. You know in Scripture where it says ..."when I am weak, He is strong"? Well, that is sort of how it is. I am a chicken and a weakling. I am basically a nobody on this planet. I have done nothing great or massive (yet!). I don't have lots of money. I don't have fancy things. I don't fit in to alot of what the world offers and to be honest, I don't even feel like I fit into my Catholic Church anymore. I do not have a place there - well I do.....I shoudl be honest...I have moved myself from the "third pew" to the back pew. Literally. Even though I am quite an under-ordinary person, God still uses me to fight injustice when it comes in front of me.
So this Lent I am trying to change and improve myself. It is difficult. The most difficult thing I'm experiencing this Lent is a dryness and distractedness in prayer. I have not cut short my prayer time, but during that time, my mind wanders. But I think they say that 90% of life is just showing up? Well, I show up in front of the tabernacle....and look at Jesus hidden there and Jesus looks back at me.
Despite everything though.......I am hoping that this Lent is changing me, despite my limitations.
Mar 25, 2012
Mar 24, 2012
Standing up for Religious Freedom
On March 23rd I went to one of the nationwide rallies standing up for Religious Freedom. I took the day off from work to go. I'm not a very political person, but I am a spiritual person and so I am worried about the direction our country is going and how Obama is trying to take away our religious freedom.
The rally was really interesting. I met people from all across my state who came to stand up for the Church. Most of the people there were Catholics but there were others who were from other christian denominations. There were about 25 seminarians and some priests, as well as a few school buses of Catholic school children / teens.
Someone gave me a "Stand Up for Religious Freedom" sign and that was my mission for the rally! I stood at the curb near the intersection, amongst the other people, and held up my sign and waved to the people in cars driving by. It was at an intersection so some of the cars had a chance to stop and see what the rally was about. There were quite a few people who honked in agreement with us. There were some Obama fans. One car drove by and yelled "O-bam-a" over and over, while another lady drove by and yelled "Obama is dangerous!". We got a variety of thumbs up and thumbs down too. Lots of honking cars though.
Because I was so busy "working the curb" with my sign, I didn't hear the talks, but that was okay. We each had a role to play. There were some news people there and I did see the rallies mentioned on one TV station with some video. I was hoping for more though.
I can't understand why perfectly intelligent people think what Obama is doing is right and good for our country, and that is not a political statement. I mean, if someone really looks at what he is doing, it is plainly anti-Catholic and anti-religion. He is the most pro-death president we have had. He thinks partial birth abortion should be allowed. A few days after becoming president, on the heals of the March for Life in DC, he signed a bill allowing MY tax dollars to be used to fund abortions in other countries. He has no idea how dangerous contraception is for women.
Well, I did my small part and I prayed, and will continue to pray. One thing I know: our country is heading into, and we are already there, a time of persecution on all fronts, and religion is one of them. Our country has lost its morality and focus on virtues, goodness, and God. We are creating a big problem for ourselves in the future, but the people who are supposed to be intelligent like Obama, Peliosi, and Biden, the latter two supposedly are Catholics, aren't really smart at all. I don't know if it is just stupidity, ignorance, or arrogance, but to me, it is blatantly diabolical.
More than ever, we have to pray. We have to be with Jesus. We have to listen to Him, read the Bible, go to Mass, read good spiritual things like the lives of the saints. We need to pray the rosary. Why? Because the times that are coming will be quite dark and we have to focus on being lights to the world.
I'm standing up for Religious Freedom, and lots of other good things too. Lucky for me, I know the end - Jesus wins, but it is the "in between" that can be nerve wracking.
The rally was really interesting. I met people from all across my state who came to stand up for the Church. Most of the people there were Catholics but there were others who were from other christian denominations. There were about 25 seminarians and some priests, as well as a few school buses of Catholic school children / teens.
Someone gave me a "Stand Up for Religious Freedom" sign and that was my mission for the rally! I stood at the curb near the intersection, amongst the other people, and held up my sign and waved to the people in cars driving by. It was at an intersection so some of the cars had a chance to stop and see what the rally was about. There were quite a few people who honked in agreement with us. There were some Obama fans. One car drove by and yelled "O-bam-a" over and over, while another lady drove by and yelled "Obama is dangerous!". We got a variety of thumbs up and thumbs down too. Lots of honking cars though.
Because I was so busy "working the curb" with my sign, I didn't hear the talks, but that was okay. We each had a role to play. There were some news people there and I did see the rallies mentioned on one TV station with some video. I was hoping for more though.
I can't understand why perfectly intelligent people think what Obama is doing is right and good for our country, and that is not a political statement. I mean, if someone really looks at what he is doing, it is plainly anti-Catholic and anti-religion. He is the most pro-death president we have had. He thinks partial birth abortion should be allowed. A few days after becoming president, on the heals of the March for Life in DC, he signed a bill allowing MY tax dollars to be used to fund abortions in other countries. He has no idea how dangerous contraception is for women.
Well, I did my small part and I prayed, and will continue to pray. One thing I know: our country is heading into, and we are already there, a time of persecution on all fronts, and religion is one of them. Our country has lost its morality and focus on virtues, goodness, and God. We are creating a big problem for ourselves in the future, but the people who are supposed to be intelligent like Obama, Peliosi, and Biden, the latter two supposedly are Catholics, aren't really smart at all. I don't know if it is just stupidity, ignorance, or arrogance, but to me, it is blatantly diabolical.
More than ever, we have to pray. We have to be with Jesus. We have to listen to Him, read the Bible, go to Mass, read good spiritual things like the lives of the saints. We need to pray the rosary. Why? Because the times that are coming will be quite dark and we have to focus on being lights to the world.
I'm standing up for Religious Freedom, and lots of other good things too. Lucky for me, I know the end - Jesus wins, but it is the "in between" that can be nerve wracking.
Mar 10, 2012
Today I am sighing because I am waiting for our church leaders, clergy and lay alike, to rise up and speak with courage. Yes, the bishops are speaking about the HHS Mandate and they are probably doing things behind the scenes. But I haven't heard much about it in the local parishes I've attended within the last month. It doesn't seem to be such a big deal in the local church.
It seems to me that daily little happenings take presidence over the bigger dangers that lurk just outside the church doors - like a fire breathing dragon waiting to destroy the church. Yes, the gates of hell will never prevail against the church, but they will push and shove and try and in the process, some will be lost. We need to minimize the casualties.
And so tonight I ask...where is the strong leadership we need? Why are some leaders acting like there is nothing going on? Do they not see the domino effect here....that once Obama's administration makes this happen, that it will affect many other things within the church as well?
I do not say this to criticize.....well, maybe I do. I don't know. Maybe I am the dumb one? Maybe they are all doing things behind the scenes to take care of us lowly sheep who are blinded by our culture? Or maybe they are not doing anything and they are as blind as the sheep?
How come what the bishops are doing is not trickling down to the local parishes? The first week or two there was talk about this, now there doesn't seem to be anything said.
Truly we are like a lobster in a pot of warm water that is getting hotter. Slowly we are cooking and dying and many are not even aware of it.
So, what do I want to see? I want to see our leaders speaking loudly, consistently and boldly. I want to see them rallying the troops ( us ) to action. I guess I want to hear a battle cry, but not a cry for violence, but action.
Are our leaders afraid? I don't understand the silence. Where are the lay Catholics in the media and why aren't they saying anything? With only 30% of Catholics attending Church, and some of them not believing in the Real Presence or even living by the Church's teachings, how can they be so SILENT ?
So, besides being critical, I guess I am feeling angry as well. Today the Gospel was about Jesus getting angry in the temple and chasing out the vendors and buyers. Why aren't our church leaders doing the same? Like Jesus, I feel like I want to tip things over and chase people. Ha ha ha ha....the big difference here is that Jesus had the power to do that and I have absolutely no power at all except to pray (and that is something good).
Oh, how I wish the bishops would speak louder to our other church leaders and tell them to speak up and to keep speaking, and to pray and to keep praying, and to mobilize the sheep so we can make a change before it is too late.
Sigh.........IF I ONLY HAD A PULPIT !
Lord, I ask for patience, wisdom, discernment and to know your will. Why do you give me such passion for You and desire to speak out on Your behalf and no place to speak except this dot in cyberspace?
Amen.
It seems to me that daily little happenings take presidence over the bigger dangers that lurk just outside the church doors - like a fire breathing dragon waiting to destroy the church. Yes, the gates of hell will never prevail against the church, but they will push and shove and try and in the process, some will be lost. We need to minimize the casualties.
And so tonight I ask...where is the strong leadership we need? Why are some leaders acting like there is nothing going on? Do they not see the domino effect here....that once Obama's administration makes this happen, that it will affect many other things within the church as well?
I do not say this to criticize.....well, maybe I do. I don't know. Maybe I am the dumb one? Maybe they are all doing things behind the scenes to take care of us lowly sheep who are blinded by our culture? Or maybe they are not doing anything and they are as blind as the sheep?
How come what the bishops are doing is not trickling down to the local parishes? The first week or two there was talk about this, now there doesn't seem to be anything said.
Truly we are like a lobster in a pot of warm water that is getting hotter. Slowly we are cooking and dying and many are not even aware of it.
So, what do I want to see? I want to see our leaders speaking loudly, consistently and boldly. I want to see them rallying the troops ( us ) to action. I guess I want to hear a battle cry, but not a cry for violence, but action.
Are our leaders afraid? I don't understand the silence. Where are the lay Catholics in the media and why aren't they saying anything? With only 30% of Catholics attending Church, and some of them not believing in the Real Presence or even living by the Church's teachings, how can they be so SILENT ?
So, besides being critical, I guess I am feeling angry as well. Today the Gospel was about Jesus getting angry in the temple and chasing out the vendors and buyers. Why aren't our church leaders doing the same? Like Jesus, I feel like I want to tip things over and chase people. Ha ha ha ha....the big difference here is that Jesus had the power to do that and I have absolutely no power at all except to pray (and that is something good).
Oh, how I wish the bishops would speak louder to our other church leaders and tell them to speak up and to keep speaking, and to pray and to keep praying, and to mobilize the sheep so we can make a change before it is too late.
Sigh.........IF I ONLY HAD A PULPIT !
Lord, I ask for patience, wisdom, discernment and to know your will. Why do you give me such passion for You and desire to speak out on Your behalf and no place to speak except this dot in cyberspace?
Amen.
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