On Waiting for Silent Conversions

I used to think that a conversion experience consisted of being knocked off of one's high horse like Saul experienced on the way to Damascus: a moment of instantaneous knowing exactly who Jesus Christ is that totally transforms us. In the next moment we lift our heads from the mire of ordinary life and rise in the form of a "Super Christian"! Okay, so I'm a little warped, but that is what I used to think.

As the years have gone by, I have come to believe that most conversions are a slow turning towards Jesus, not the falling off of one's horse type. Of course Jesus can still move us along in our faith in a mighty way, but I think many times conversion experiences are unseen by others because they take place within the deep recesses of our souls.

I know most of us would hope that Jesus would make us saints in an instant. It would save us a lot of spiritual growing pains along the way. But the more I understand the lives of the saints I can see that in most cases, they took the time to wait for those moments of silent conversion. They took the time to be with Jesus and to wait on what His Holy Spirit would do with them. That takes not only time, but patience during waiting.

I think silent conversions occur after hours of cumulative reflection, delving into scripture, abandoning ourselves, waiting through times when nothing seems to be happening in prayer, and trusting that when we take the time to sit with Jesus and wait that He will indeed come to us and transform us.

I think sometimes we realize that we've experienced a silent conversion when we are faced with certain situations. We find ourselves understanding things differently, or reacting differently. Perhaps we have greater wisdom in a situation that we didn't have before, or perhaps more self-control. We know we are different somehow.

I think waiting in prayer is essential to prepare our souls for silent conversions to take place. It allows God the time and the space to work within us because we are there before Him, surrendering, vulnerable, and waiting. We have removed distractions and our focus is solely on Jesus. He is the potter and we are the clay.

In time, like the sea rolling endlessly over a rough rock and making it shiney and smooth, our souls, if we sit long enough in His presence, become smoothed by His touch and transformed. We move from being rough sinful people to shiney saints.

These are my thoughts for this evening. John Paul II pray for us.