Between the Desert and the Mountaintop

We are in a stretch of rainy weather. The seasons are changing, summer to fall. Many of us change our focus during this time of year - preparing the outside home area for the cooler weather, perhaps putting away summer clothes and pulling out the sweaters; some have gone back to school while others are slowly preparing for the cooler weather and maybe even starting to mentally plan their Christmas lists.

As the song by "Peter, Paul, and Mary" goes...."these times, they are a changing".

It makes me think how we have seasons in our spiritual life as well. Times when we feel very close to Jesus and other times, complete desolation. Sometimes we are "so-so", perhaps just going through the motions of our faith life.

Sometimes I think of one's relationship with Jesus as that of a married couple, which in many ways it is just like that. When love is new everything is wonderful and exciting, but as time goes on and the couple gets very comfortable with each other, things change. By that I mean that perhaps life isn't so exciting because they know each other's habits and even their thoughts. As time goes on they know more and more about their partner's life before they were married and so perhaps there isn't so much to discover anymore.

I think our relationship with Jesus can be like that sometimes. The older we get and the more Jesus is the center of our lives, the more we know His habits, and yes, even His thoughts. Sometimes we can take it for granted that Jesus is in our lives. This is sad, but true. There is always something new to learn about Jesus though and so in that regard it is different than an ordinary marriage on earth.

I guess for me, I am in a so-so phase. I must say, if you've read my blog a few months ago, a so-so phase is a huge improvement from the spiritual desert I was wandering in. So this is probably good news. I continue to pray and go to Mass and do my usual spiritual things and think of Jesus a lot and how He wants me to live in the world and what He may want me to do in the future. At this point in time, I am still longing for that excitment of faith that I used to have before I was thrust head first into the desert, landing with a mouthful of sand, no flashlight and no map.

I did have a special blessing last week though. I was praying in church and pleading with the Holy Spirit to show me some physical manifestation of His presence so I can have a sense of optimism and acknowledgement ( ok, proof ) that He was listening to me. I truly prayed from the heart. As I ended my prayer time and walked out of the church - on a blue skyed, bright sunny September day - there in the sky before me was a rainbow. Now, a rainbow is the sign of God's covenant with humanity dating all the way back to Noah. I knew in the depth of my soul that there was no logical weather reason why that rainbow should have been there and directly in my sight upon leaving the church. The Holy Spirit answered my prayer - a physical manifestation was provided for me. I felt heard from Heaven.

Still, I am a thick, stupid human and within a matter of hours I went back into my so-so mood. That is okay though becuase, again, it is much better than the desert. Perhaps , as the earth is right now, I am in a spiritual in-between season? As the earth is between summer and fall, so too is my soul somewhere between the desert and the mountaintop.

So I will walk on, trusting to the best of my human ability that Jesus is very close to me and guiding me, and praying He is leading me to a mountaintop because honestly, I could really use a break.