Prodigal Sons and Daughters

There comes a time in each of our lives when we realize that we are, or have been, a prodigal son or daughter. As sinful humans, we think at a much lower level than God does. Our reactions to life situations can sometimes be very impulsive and our choices can be poor. None of us can escape that because we are frail human beings and far from perfect. I believe we all have times when we run from our Heavenly Father – just like the prodigal son did in Sunday’s gospel (3-10-13). Can you think of a time when that was true for you? I can and I’m going to take a risk and share it with you now…..


I am a cradle Catholic. I have always believed in God. There have been good times and rocky times in my journey. I remember once, when I was 15, I was so angry with God that I told him to get out of my life. I remember the day: I was walking home from school, madder than a wet hen about a lot of things and hurting really badly. I was ranting to God from the depths of my teenaged heart. It was a rainy day, gray and cold, late fall. I remember stopping and looking into a puddle and watching my tears fall into the puddle. I remember telling God that I was done with Him, I hated Him, and wanted nothing more to do with Him. I meant it too. Then, BAM !!!! In an instant my world changed. It was if a door slammed shut. There was a sudden deep emptiness in my soul. Such blackness. God had listened. He let me go. I felt it. He let me run away like the prodigal son. Something inside told me I had just made a huge mistake, but I was so angry that I just kept going…further and further away from God.  (Perhaps you experienced something similar?)


For the next few months I made some stupid decisions including one that almost cost me my life. Like the prodigal son, I eventually got tired of running and cried out to God. He heard me, sent out angels to help, and I found the courage to head back to Him. I expected to be greatly chastised and perhaps not welcomed back at all. But….God took me back – without hesitation. I realized He was waiting for me to come to my senses and learn a few lessons. I apologized profusely. God’s love and acceptance were immediately present and powerful.


A few months later, I was still feeling icky about everything, especially my comment about hating God, and I was advised to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I didn’t really understand then as a teen that sin doesn’t just affect our personal relationship with God, but also our connection with the entire Church, the entire Body of Christ, so I needed to mend that through the sacrament of Reconciliation. So I did. To hear the words at the end of confession when the priest, representing Jesus, said – “I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit” – was so powerful. To me those words were, and still are, the most wonderful words on the planet (well, then there is also “Body of Christ” at Holy Communion too! J) – Those words are so healing.  I only wish priests would say those words a lot SLOWER so they have more impact and are clearly heard and can sink into the soul more powerfully.


The one aspect of the prodigal son parable that I still wonder about is this: how long did it take the prodigal son to forgive himself? Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest part of straying from God. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than God is (He is so merciful and we often are not) and we subject ourselves to all sorts of self-imposed consequences, not all which are without merit, but still, I wonder about this….

I would say that it took me a few years before I could fully, and finally, forgive myself for hating God and for my actions. Looking back, I know that I was just a teenager and my faith life was very new overall, but the feelings were intense and real and I was really hard on myself.  As Dr. Phil says, it was a "defining moment in my life".......my life of faith to be exact.

So, to my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, fellow prodigal sons and daughters, may God bless your day.