On Being a Fool

One of my most profound, and initial, experiences of Jesus happened when I was almost 16 years old. That is when my faith took off. I had been brought up in the church since the age of 3. I was baptized as an infant but didn't go to church until 3 years old ( that's another story ).

As a teen I jumped full force into my Catholic faith and the Person of Jesus. I read everything I could. Talked to priests and sisters and adults I trusted about our faith. It was an exciting time. I was an enthusiastic new disciple of Jesus and lots of cool things happened back then.

As I grew in faith and people figured out that my faith was not just an adolescent phase, but took real hold of my life, I received lots of reactions. My grandmother told me that if I got too much into my faith I would go crazy so I better be careful to moderate things. My family thought I was a "Jesus freak" and put up with my enthusiasm or tried to ignore me. It depended on the day. My church at that time, embraced me whole heartedly. I was very involved. It was wonderful. I belonged and was accepted and wanted. (Those were the days!). I had so many wonderful experiences.

I was a teen who took the things that adults told me seriously. I held on to their every word - homilies, sharings, and in the books they told me to read. In time, I guess you could say that the student excelled the master. I grew up and continued to be deeply interested in my faith, even considering being a nun off and on. People pretty much expected that would happen to me, but it didn't. Whenever I went down a road towards some religious order I hit a dead end. The answer was no.

A friend told me a couple of months ago that I am the "most Catholic Catholic" that she has ever known. My faith means everything to me. I really don't care if people think I am a fool or not. I am not ashamed of my faith and I like to think that I don't impose it on anyone either. I am just me. The Catholic lingo is a part of my daily verbage. I wear a crucifix. I have a rosary hanging on a small bulletin board next to my desk, along with prayers and a picture of a monstrance.

Some think I am too Catholic, if that is possible. Personally, I don't think I am Catholic enough. I have questions and struggles about some Catholic things. Take the Latin Mass for instance. I have major trouble with understanding "all things Latin and backwards". I have tried so hard to get it and I just can't. I have asked for help with this but have gotten very little so I have let it go. At this time I declare that I am "neutral" when it comes to Latin things. I have no opinion anymore. I have issues w/ the church not being friendly enough or welcoming enough. I could be a much better Catholic and I am striving to be better, but I have my struggles.

But, if you take all of that out, yes, many would say I am a fool for Christ. I think my co-workers think I'm a little foolish for going to Mass so often and for going back to church at the end of the day for quiet prayer time. Some think I would have more "fun" if I weren't such a devout Catholic. In their minds there are a lot of things I won't do because I am a Catholic that they think are fun: drinking a lot, seeing movies and other entertainment that are not in sync with my faith, using certain words or gestures, etc..... As a result they think I am rather foolish because I'm missing out a lot of secular fun.

Everyone in my immediate family thinks I am a fool. They tend to think that it is okay to be Catholic as long as a person doesn't take it to heart. You know....it is okay to miss Mass and not go to confession for years and years. It is okay to be Catholic as long as it doesn't stop you from doing what you want to do, however inappropriate. Feel free to curse and do other sinful things and then go to Mass and go to Holy Communion without going to confession first. In short: if your faith affects the rest of your life too much, then you are weird and a fool.

So, call me a fool. A fool for Christ. I am a sinner like everyone else, but I love Jesus with my whole heart and I wake up each day and try very hard not to sin. Still, thanks to the human condition and the effects of original sin, I still fall into sin. It will be that way until I die. But I can try. In trying to do better, and to be better, I will mess up. But I can't give up.

I'm okay being a fool for Christ. He is the only One I'm trying to please anyway, so as long as He is happy with my efforts, then that is all that matters.