Thoughts on forgiveness

Tonight I am thinking about Trust and how hard it is to rebuild it after it has been broken. This topic also blends in with forgiveness. Jesus says to forgive seventy times seven. That is hard enough to do. Then you have to think about what happens after you forgive....

Does forgiveness mean you have to welcome back people into your life who have been toxic or dangerous to you, especially if they take no ownership or see no problems with their past behavior?

Does forgiveness mean that you have to forget? What if you can't forget? What if you want to forget but the memories keep coming back? What if you pray so hard to forgive like Jesus did and desire to forget the wrongs that have been done to you, but you cannot?

I think forgiveness is a great thing. I believe I practice forgiveness. But I don't believe when you forgive someone you have to let them back into your life because you think they will come right back in and hurt you some more. I think that would be stupid and foolish.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" - I'd like to be forgiven that way. I try to fully forgive, but it is so difficult to forget sometimes. I can "overlook" but I can't "forget". Maybe that is just about as good as I'm gonna get with this during my life time and I might have to figure out the rest in Purgatory.

The "good thief" who hung next to Jesus on the cross was forgiven because he recognized his sinfulness, and repented. There are many people in this world who just think they should be forgiven without repenting first. How can forgiveness be complete without repentence?

Ok. Maybe I'm getting myself confused here....there are two parties to forgiveness in human relationships: the one being forgiven and the one doing the forgiving. The one being forgiven doesn't HAVE to be repentent because the other person is choosing to forgive. But I don't think the relationship can be healed without the person who is being forgiven also being repentent. Otherwise they will just keep on doing the same hurtful things and eventually people will just walk away from them again and again. They have to realize the error of their ways before the other person might try to let them back in his/her life.

I hope this makes sense. Sometimes I think deep thoughts, but when I try to express what is perfectly clear in my mind, it comes out jumbled.

I think that if someone continually hurts someone, ruins trust, and then repeatedly expects to be forgiven time and time again, that the person who is the one getting hurt ought to get up, walk out, and never come back because the person doing the hurting is abusive and is showing no insight or desire to change.

Jesus doesn't want us to be doormats. He wants us to be respectful to one another. People will sin. People will mess up. Sometimes trust can be healed, but sometimes the hurt is so bad that trust may not be possible. A person may want to trust again, but something deep within them has been so broken that it cannot be fixed and so trust will be broken forever. Now, I know Jesus can even heal that and when that happens it is truly a miracle.

So, I am thinking about these things tonight.

I should also say that the 3rd person involved in a mess between people is Jesus. He is the one who gives power and grace to forgive us and for us to forgive others. I don't think Jesus would tell someone to stay in the way of someone who is continually hurting him/her. What is worse is when someone apologizes then goes and does a hurtful thing again, or when they promise to do something, or stop a behavior, and then they don't.

The world is full of people who don't want to forgive, who don't see the need to forgive, who think they are forgiving but really aren't, and those who truly try to forgive and sometimes are successful and sometimes they are not. Then there are the saints who can truly forgive AND forget.....they are very special.

Me? I forgive a lot. I don't forget most of the time. It just won't go away. But I can act like I've forgotten and move on to a certain degree with the person who has hurt me. If the hurt is severe enough, then I don't. I walk away. I pray for them. I hold no hard feelings for them, but nope...they won't be allowed back in my life. If they were to repent, apologize, recognize the error of their ways, keep their promises and go back and clean up the mess they made in the relationship as much as possible then yes, then I might take the person back. But they must prove that I can trust them again. I know that is probably not the most Catholic way of thinking, but it is really hard. I want to forgive seventy times seven, I really do, and I do the best I can and I forgive the most that I can. I pray to do better.

Lately I am praying: Jesus please teach me to forgive as you forgive. If he answers my prayer I will be much better at forgiveness.

Trust and forgiveness go together. When one or the other is broken, the other is damaged.

Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins. Save us from the fires of Hell, especially those in most need of thy mercy. Amen.