The Only Safe Place

The only safe place I have right now is before the Blessed Sacrament. Even there, I have to concentrate with all of my being on the One who knows and sees all, and it takes upwards of an hour to settle my soul enough.

Beyond the space of the Blessed Sacrament, just over some imaginary line, lies the cold cruel world. I can't see the line, but I can feel it. My soul recognizes it at such a deep level the minute I cross over the line. The minute I am just a little away from the Blessed Sacrament, I am assaulted once again, and the assaults are deeply interior and I fight with all I have within me.

I wish I could stay there in Jesus' presence forever. Even though I don't feel his presence, I know he is there. He is hiding on me these days, but even though he seems so absent from me, I know he is there.

To Whom Else Can I Go, Lord? You have the Words of Eternal Life. I am nothing without you. You breathed me into being and the very essence of my life is in your hands. Please don't let me go. Please rescue me.

So, I wait. I pray. I wait some more. When will the light return in my soul? This is the question I ask. Will it ever return?

Why is God leaving me open to the wolf who is in swift pursuit ? Will I fall into a pit or be eaten alive as I try and run away? The traps are many.

Once again, I am learning a valuable lesson in life. The lesson is too private to write on this blog though, so for you ( whoever you are and if you even "are"), it will remain a mystery.