Poetry in Motion

Floating through space
trying to grab onto my Church
but it floats one way
and I, another.

Like a nightmare
things are suddenly twisted
like a practical joke
played on my soul
everyone says things are normal
but they aren't.

What was once interesting,
is now boring.
Unsure of who to trust,
feeling shy and alone.

Needing nourishment,
begging for it actually.
Reaching out
like a bird for a worm.

I ask for bread.
I get stones.
People think they are giving me bread.
That is the twist to it all.

What will help?
Understanding only goes so far.
Time? Perhaps.
Prayer? a possiblity.

Why do some people
automatically belong
and others have to fight for it?

Today a friend said to me
you have to "fight for the joy".
I was praying "grant me joy",
but that was wrong.

Today, in our church
we DO have to fight for the joy.
Assaults come from every direction.

It is not just the gates of hell
pounding without,
but now the pounding is from within.
More silence is needed.
More prayer.
More praise, but nobody does.

I have to find the strength
to fight for the joy,
to belong,
to be nourished.

My sinfulness is to blame perhaps?
My inadequacy to understand and accept, perhaps?
My arrogance? My stupidity?
There again, I am lost.

An image arrives just now in my mind:
I am like a fish tossed on the beach
gasping for air
flopping around, eyes bugged out.

Is there not anyone
who will help throw me back
into the sea?