Coasting

A few times within the last week I have asked Jesus to please let life become a little easier for me for the next little while. I feel like I have had so many big struggles since 2005 and here it is 2011 already. It has been a bumpy ride and I am ready for a little luxury ( emphasis on little ), a little peace, a little joy, and other good things.

I don't deserve anything good. I am aware of that. But still I am asking. I am feeling healthy and that is a huge blessing right there as I have had my share of health issues since 2005 in addition to everything else. I think I have rolled with the punches to the best of my ability. I have tried to be faithful despite all my strong emotions about so many things. I have not, at any time, given up my prayer life, but I have wandered in a spiritual desert and have felt very disconnected to the Church that I love with my entire heart - my Catholic Church.

I have been weary of the struggle, and I just would like a "time of grace". A time where I don't have to worry so much about things, or work so hard. I work incredibly hard and I try my best. I am reminded of Jesus' words that He has come to give us Life and to give it Abundantly. I know He didn't mean materialistic abundance, but probably more of a spiritual, fulfilling sense of abundance. I am open to having either at this point.

It feels like I work so hard - and it is always uphill, at least since 2005. I would like the ride to be a little downhill for a while.

The other week I took my bike out. Going up the hills reminded me of my life these last few years, and going down hill, when I could coast, was so much better. I didn't have to pedal. I could feel the breeze. I could look at the sights. Up hill on the other hand was just like my life - always having to peddle hard and breathe, and focus on the road.

I would like a time of coasting. Jesus, this is my prayer. Again, I know I don't deserve it because who am I to complain? But, still, being your mere creature who is wondering about Your will for her life, I am asking you for the next turn in my life, to be a down hill slope, with a breeze and a view....and a chance to breathe.

Amen.