Before they were Saints

I was reading an article today that really brought to light another aspect of saints. This article stated that we can look back and see saints like Francis of Assisi, Catherine of Siena, and Theresa of Avila and see all the reasons why they became saints. We have history on our side and we know that they became canonized saints. The thing is, they didn't know they were going to be saints! Maybe they wanted to be saints. Maybe they never thought they would make it. Maybe they never considered sainthood and it just happened to them as they lived out each day.

The article also pointed out that many people who became saints did so in the midst of big struggles in church history and it went on to point out how the church today has some big struggles as well - the sex abuse scandal, not enough priests, closing of parishes, etc... At times they were called to challenge priests, bishops, and even the pope! Can you believe it? I guess you could say that some of them were both prophets and saints.

It was an encouraging article for me because most days I don't think I have it in me to be a saint, although I would like to be canonized some day. I would also like to win the lotto, but if I had to choose it would be sainthood without question! If I won the lotto I would become a philantropist and do a lot of good, but still I'd choose sainthood.

So tonight I am thinking about this article. What sort of things went through the minds of these people? Did they second guess themselves? Did Francis, even for a second, regret leaving his family and his father's money? Did Catherine have doubts as to whether she should communicate with the pope? Did Joan of Arc, just a teenager, ever question her sanity in doing what she felt called to do?

Wow! This stuff really excites my mind. Seriously...think about the day after Francis decided to leave his home. He is alone. He is praying. Did he ever get a sinking feeling in his stomach and did he think "what have I done?".

Now we have Mother Theresa's writings that talk about some of her doubts and struggles. I know she probably wouldn't want anyone to read her words, because they are very personal, but her words are encouraging because if someone who is so great in God's kingdom can struggle, than so can we. Maybe we, or I should say I, still has potential to be a saint someday.

That is reasuring to me because I've really messed up lately and have had some life and spiritual struggles. My prayer has been rather dry and I have been frustrated with many things. My enthusiasm for Jesus remains however, so that is good. But I daresay that I need a retreat and I won't be able to go on one until perhaps next December or January. So I will have to increase my prayer time, my spiritual reading, and I am going to try to be very quiet and listen.