Talkin' about Jesus

I have a great need within my heart and soul to talk about Jesus. He is the most important Person in my life. That is one reason why I started this blog.

The other night I was privileged to hear Alice Von Hildebrand speak. She is a theologian, philospher, professor, a real lady and a very holy woman. After it was over, once outside, I blurted out to some friends that hearing her speak was like having an oasis plunked down in the middle of my desert.

I don't know if you've ever been around any holy people. I have been around a few. Right now in my life I know three very holy people, plus one that I knew who is now passed away. The Holy Spirit just oozes out of them. I wish I had more time to be with them, to hear them speak, to get to know how and why they got to be so holy. They are wonderful examples for me and I don't think I will ever be able to measure up to them. But, I do have hope that one day I will.

Sometimes however, I think I will never make it to even grace the arena of holiness. I might touch upon it from time to time, like a moth to a light, but to stay and rest on holiness, I don't know if I am able. I am certainly willing and I do ask God to make me holy. I think sometimes he just smiles at me, as an adult smiles at a five year old who says she wants to be a lawyer, ballerina, mommy, and fairy princess all at the same time when she grows up. The adult knows it is pretty much impossible, but lets the child hang on to that hopeful vision.

I do try to be holy though. I really do. I fail miserably about ten times a day. Sometimes more. I know there are some keys to finding holiness. Humility. Prayer. Selflessness. Trust. Faith. Openness. Docility before Jesus. Perseverence. Praising God in the midst of suffering. Those are some of the biggies I know about. I have had all of those at one time or another, but not all together in one package like the three holy people I know. Oh, and another one is knowing when to keep one's mouth shut. That one I don't think I will ever master. I do try though, but fail miserably, and quite often.

I think loving Jesus is just one aspect of becoming holy. Of course, we have to love Him, and those of us on the journey of faith do love him tremendously. But then we have to put our love in action. That is what I think anyway. For me, some days I love Jesus so much that it is hard to keep it in. I know I'm supposed to let my light shine, but I also don't want to be an "in your face" Catholic and offend anyone. So, I try to hold it inside sometimes. Sometimes it is darn near impossible to keep quiet though! That is when I put on my Jesus tunes in my car and play them loud and sing with my horrible singing voice at the top of my lungs. This is best done in the summer when I can open my windows and feel the breeze and the warm air. It is times like that when I swear it is like my car has wings, and I could just lift up into the air, body, soul, and car too!

Sometimes I can get lonely because I really want to talk about Jesus and there is nobody around who understands. I can sit and be so close to Jesus. So very very close. And I have so much love for Him that it feels my heart will just explode into a million fragments of starlight. It is so great that I can tell Jesus I love Him and I know He is very close, however there is also the need to shout it from the mountain top too. I want to share that with others. But alas, we "Jesus freaks" are usually misunderstood.

What I really need is a group of people who also love Jesus very very very much and want to talk about Him and how He is working in our lives. What I need are people who also like to delve into Jesus' words and ponder them aloud with me.

I am looking for this. I don't know if I will find it though. Many Catholics are a bit shy about sharing their faith - even some priests and sisters these days. About a month or so ago, I actually e-mailed a sister in my diocese and asked if she would get together to share and talk. I also asked her another question about an event in our area. She got back to me and answered my second question, but totally ignored my invitation to get together. I told her I didn't know that many sisters and I thought it would be neat to get together. Nope.

So, I don't know what Jesus has up His holy sleeve for me. I ask. I wait. I pray.
I think perhaps I need to start talking more to the communion of saints more ...the canonized ones in Heaven. They will understand. I don't know what I would do if they started talking back though ! LOL ! Although St. Anthony does help me find things from time to time, but has never talked to me!

Once again, I am being hyper verbal, but hey, you came into my blog world so you have to put up with my ramblings. You can click me off anytime you want. People in the real world do that to me alot so I'm used to it. Plus here, I won't even know that you came to listen to me, and I won't know if you leave either.

So, if you are floating around my little blogspot, have a blessed night.