Protect us from all Anxiety

"Protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ".

I think I've remembered that line from the Mass correctly. This is often one of my favorite prayers in the Mass. It amazes me how God knew we would have to be protected from anxiety.

I have had a very anxious week or so. My stomach has been in knots. My mind has felt like a cob web filled with anxiety. My sleep has been restless. My only glue has been Mass and personal prayer.

We have a lot to be anxious about in our world, don't we? I wonder how people even begin to cope with anxiety if they don't have a relationship with Jesus? I would disentegrate into nothingness without Jesus.

It is hard to wait in "joyful hope" when feeling anxious. I will have to meditate on that in particular. But, maybe I'm not understanding it correctly. Again, I will have to think on it.

Jesus, please protect us from anxiety. East the pounding of our hearts. Help us see with the eyes of faith and trust you with all our being. Amen.

May my words rise as incense

Today I am praying

to be forgiven
to be understood as well as to understand
to grow in faith
to trust more
to have wisdom and discernment
to be a better Christian
to be able to focus more in prayer
to be able to surrender more to God's will
to not be a disappointment to Jesus

May God grant me a deeper faith in all ways from this day forward.
Come Jesus, Come.
I am waiting.
Please come.

A Prayer for the Future

Tonight I am grappling with trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do next in my life. My life is coming to another set of crossroads and I'm either going to have to continue going straight, or I will have to make a left or a right. One thing is for sure, I certainly can't make a U-turn.

I have been trying to practice discernment while anticipating these impending crossroads. I know God knows where I will be in a year and what I will be doing with my life, but I don't. So I have to pray and keep my eyes and ears open for how the Holy Spirit might be directing me.

It is interesting that soon we will be celebrating Pentecost - the descent of the Holy Spirit, and the birthday of the Church. I am going to try and be really open to hear where Jesus is directing me to go.

One of my favorite sayings is: "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.". Jesus knows where my life is going and what choice I am going to make. I want to make the right choice - the choice that is in His will and the choice that will make me happy.

If you are reading this blog tonight, please say a prayer that I will hear His voice clearly. Thank you.

St. Francis - a Saint after my own heart

The other day I was in a retail store where pets are not allowed. However, a man was shopping with a 6 week old puppy in his arms. The store clerk went up to him and my guess is that she was going to ask him to leave, but then something magical happened. She became mush and just had to pet the puppy. The next thing I knew, there were several customers gathered around, all loving the puppy and the puppy was so happy - lots of tongue licking and tail wagging was going on! The owner was beaming at all the attention his precious pup was getting. I overheard the clerk say that they were not supposed to have puppies in the store but she was not about to kick them out because the puppy was so cute.

Have you ever seen how most people react to dogs, especially puppies, or other pets as well? People start talking baby talk to them, puckering up their lips as they speak, and they are drawn to them. For dog lovers, dogs are almost always irrestible. When a dog is spotted you can almost always hear someone say "Look how cute!" or "Awwwww", or something like "Oh good - a puppy! I love puppies!"

Do you ever wonder if dogs look at people the same way that we look at them? Do you think all the tail wagging is a dog saying "Oh good! A human!Look how cute! I love humans!". Personally, I think dogs are alot cuter and nicer than most humans alot of the time. They love unconditionally. They don't criticize or judge. They don't care if you are dressed nicely, how much your sneakers cost, what kind of car you drive, or how much money you make a year. They are just happy to have some attention and perhaps a dog biscuit or a frisbee to chase.

To me, and I mean this in the purest, nicest sense possible - a dog is a reflection of God's unconditional acceptance and love in some ways. Perhaps God put dogs on the planet to remind us of how we should love? Sure, I know some will say that dogs can't love like God can, and that is true. Dogs also can't love like people can either. I know that love is an act of the will and is not a feeling, so I'm not insinuating that a dog's emotional capacity is that of a human being, but ya gotta admit - dogs are very intuitive and compassionate. They have saved people from heart attacks, rescued people, sat with someone who is crying and by their presence they have consoled them. Other animals have also done the same (My cockatiel once saved my house from catching on fire by alerting me that there was a problem in the kitchen. If I didn't run in when I heard her screech, the whole place could have been in flames.)

God made all of creation for us. Dogs are a part of that creation. Now, in my mind I can see that God looks at us like we look at puppies. God is like "Oh good! A human! I love humans! I made humans! They are so adorable and I just love them so much!"

For me, I know God loves me and it has bewildered me for many years now exactly why He loves me. I am a horrible sinner. My sins were some of the sins that nailed Him to the cross. As much as I love Him, I still do not treat Him with as much respect and love as I say I want to. No matter how much I try, my love will always be imperfect. But yet, God still loves me, unconditionally. He just wants me to love Him in return and will do anything for me, and He did. He died for me.

When I am with dogs, and all pets, and I see how sweet, honest, gentle and compassionate they are, I know that they are signs to me of God's love. Just last week I was very sad. I went to visit two cats. Right away one of the cats just knew I wasn't right. He doesn't always let me hold him, but that day he let me pick him up. As I cuddled him, I broke into tears. Not the loud sobbing kind of tears, but the kind that just flow down your cheeks like a quiet river. I was a wretched mess. Instead of jumping down, my furry friend stayed, and he purred louder than ever. He gave me the comfort I needed at the time. You see, in my life, when humans are not available, God will often send me a pet or two. Sometimes pets are even better than humans for comfort because they do not tell me I look ugly when I cry, and they do not say "that's enough" or "ya gotta pull yourself up from your bootstraps", or they don't tell me I'm being overly sensitive. They are just present. They sit. They wait. They watch. They don't leave me alone. And then when I'm ready, we play and the next thing I know, I am cheerful again.

St. Francis was so right about animals. They are such wonderful gifts to us and tonight I am thanking Jesus for my furry friends.

Faith Power

This morning I was thinking about how much "faith power" it takes to live in the world today. Have you heard the metaphor about cooking a frog ? You know...you put the frog in a pot of cool water and slowly turn up the heat. It is so slow that the frog doesn't realize he is slowly being cooked because his body adapts to the water temperature. The next thing he knows...he's cooked and dead.

I think that is a relevant metaphor for our society - not just in America, but throughout most of the world as well. The last few decades have had us living in an enviornment that is slowly turning up the temperature. I'm not talking about global warming. I'm talking about how evil has turned up the temperature in the world. Many of us are being desensitized to the works of evil and are slowly being cooked, losing our souls in the process, and many are not even aware of it.

We have many ways of dealing with this. Some deny that it is happening. Some rationalize it. Some minimize it. Some tell themselves it isn't affecting them. some point it out in others but are not aware of it in themselves. Some are aware of it in their own lives but are not concerned about stopping its infiltration into other people's lives.

I've been accutely aware of this lately and it has been on my mind. Sometimes I feel assaulted by our hyper-technological world and consumeristic society. It is an "in your face" type of culture where sin is either non-existant or sinful behavior is praised. Perhaps you feel the same.

I have found that unless I use self-control and set boundaries I fall victim to it.

So, in my thinking this morning, I have come to realize that I have to pray even more so that I have the grace and strength to resist the assaults that are coming against me. I have to continue to reject those empty things in our culture that take up my time for no good reason. I have to have more silence so I can reflect on my life and where I am going and what I am doing with it for Jesus. I guess what I'm saying is that prayer is becoming more of a necessity for me than ever before. It is more important than my daily vitamins. It is what keeps me connected to Jesus and it keeps me grounded and focused. Well, that and Jesus Himself in Holy Communion.

Gone are the times when run of the mill prayer will get me through the day. I believe that all of us who call ourselves devout Catholics must beef up our prayer times and the quality of our prayer. We have to be more diligent in rejecting the assaults of evil, however they are masked, and we must pray for discernment. It seems to me that to be a christian today is far from being the norm. Living as a christian today almost means that one has to be radical about it.

We need to use all the "faith power" we can muster to deal with our world today and to do that we need to stay connected to the Source - the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

These are my thoughts for today.

Traveling with my posse

If you just took a quick look at me you wouldn't realize that I travel with a posse. I am not a V.I.P. I am not rich. I am not famous. I'm really not anybody special at all. But I still travel with a posse.

The dictionary says a "posse" is a temporary police force, except mine isn't temporary. I need my "peeps" 24/7 to keep me on the straight and narrow and to keep me protected. Still, despite their wonderful help, I still tend to get myself into jams because I don't always listen to their advice. You know that saying: "Do not lead me into temptation because I can find it for myself"? Well, that's me. Perhaps you can relate?

I have asked the angels and canonized saints in Heaven to keep very close to me, as well as a few close friends that have passed from this life ahead of me, and to protect me. I particularly like to enlist the help of Jesus (of course), Mary, St. Michael, Matthew my guardian angel, St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Catherine of Sienna, St. Padre Pio, and John Paul II. There are others I invite along too, but it depends on the day. These are members of my posse.

This world is more and more being assaulted by evil. It is a challenge to be a good christian today because there is so much coming against us. So the way I figure it, we need to ask for some extra help from Heaven in order to make it through our days. Hence, I have a posse!

Now, I know plenty of people, good christian people as a matter of fact, that poo-poo talk about evil infiltrating the world and they just say it is superstition or a good excuse to not take responsibility for our own negative actions. But you know, even good people who love Jesus are still human beings and are still sinners. We still give in to temptation, make bad choices when we are angry, and all that sort of stuff. I don't believe we intend to do evil or cooperate with it, but that we can get disensitized, or fall into temptation, or just plain ol' don't think about what we are doing, or the consequences of our choices. So, the next thing we know is that evil has made an appearance and we are caught.

That brings me to one of my favorite Sacraments: the Sacrament of Reconciliation because this Sacrament is like having a giant black board eraser that wipes out our sins and puts us back on our spiritual feet. The only difference is that it isn't a black board eraser - it is our sweet savior, Jesus, who does the erasing. How can we ever thank Jesus enough for this Sacrament?

We are called to be saints and so we have to try our best to run from temptation and make amends when we've messed up. All I can say is that I think I wear my "peeps" out because it seems like they always have to rescue me from getting into some sort of trouble. I can wake up in the morning with the best intentions and then I run into trouble. My "peeps" have helped me out of so many situations or they intervene and I am reminded to make the right decision. I am grateful for their guidance.

If you don't have a posse, you should consider getting one.

Intrigued with saints

Lately I've been thinking about saints. You can probably tell that by a couple of the blogs I've written recently.

So many of the things we read about saints can make us believe that they were so holy throughout their entire lives that their feet hardly even touched the earth. Some of the shows on EWTN explain that saints had hard times too. They had "issues" like the rest of us. They had stressors and made mistakes. Some of them were pretty big sinners until they turned their lives around too. That gives me hope because I mess up every single day. I mean, some days it is pathetic how much I mess up.

It makes me think about who are the "saints in progress" around us each day? I guess we could say that any serious christian is a saint in progress. It is neat how, on EWTN at least, they talk a lot about how we are all called to be saints. It gives us an ultimate life goal to work towards.

That makes me think: if sainthood is seriously the goal of our lives, then what can we do each day to work towards that goal? One of my favorite saints, St. Therese of Lisieux, believed we should do small things with great love. Sounds easier than it is to do. I have tried it. Sometimes I do really great. Other times, not so great.

The church holds out saints to us to encourage us, to ask them to intercede for us, and to be role models for us. Then there is the whole aspect of humility. The saying goes that the minute you think you are humble, you're not. So how does one judge if they are humble or not? That is something I wonder about.

Then there is the problem of being nice to people who are not nice to us - to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. That is very difficult. Sometimes I do it and I don't "feel" love for the person I'm praying for, but I pray for them anyway. I wonder if that is okay? Kind of a "fake it until you make it" sort of theory. Maybe eventually the love will come once you see these enemies in the light of prayer.

I wish there were more spiritual directors in the world to discuss these topics with. I have so much to talk about. I'd love to ponder these questions with someone who has wisdom and time to give. It is difficult. That is one reason why I love to sit in my pew in front of the tabernacle. I bring all my questions to Jesus. He must see me walking into the church and says to Himself "Oh no, here she comes again!" But because He is Jesus, He then says "Oh good - here is an opportunity for me to share myself with someone who wants to listen and learn!". Of course, I'm just using that as an example of course.

Boy, tonight I could write forever. But if you are bored, then you can just click me off. I am wondering also about discerning the will of God for one's life. Sometimes I know that I know that I know I am in God's will and other times, I'm not so sure it is me or God that I'm hearing. But that is a topic for another day: perhaps tomorrow.

Until then, let's continue to be intrigued with saints, because in doing so, we just might find inspiration to live more holy lives ourselves.

On Being the Hundreth Sheep

Do you know the story of the Good Shepherd in Scripture? The one where the Good Shepherd leaves the 99 to search for the 1 lost sheep?

Have you ever been the hundreth sheep? Have you ever lost your way out of the fold and the Good Shepherd had to go find you and bring you back ? I think we all have, a time or two at least.

But let me throw this idea out for your contemplation. Did you ever consider the fact that someone could be the lost sheep while still in the fold? The Shepherd is nearby, the other 99 sheep are nearby too, but that little hundreth sheep is still lost even though he or she is right there in the fold.

Think about it. We have pews upon pews of Catholics in the Church. The sheep in the pews are counted in the fold. They look good on the outside. They dress nice. They are smart. For all intents and purposes, they are well liked by the rest of the flock. But what we don't see is that they are lost.

You know what they say...the squeaky wheel gets the grease? Sometimes the hundreth sheep doesn't squeak. He/she just sits there in the pew, unable to reach out, lost, hoping that someone will notice. But they don't.

This is a challenge for the Catholic Church. We are much bigger than many little community protestant churches. A protestant church may have only 40 familes in it, or perhaps 200. Many Catholic parishes have 1500 families or more. That is a lot of sheep for an earthly good shepherd to watch over. It is very easy to lose your sheep with those odds.

What is the answer? We can't clone the earthly good shepherds because cloning is against our faith. We can't give them more work to do because they are already stretched thin taking care of the squeaky wheels in the fold and many other aspects of being a shepherd. Perhaps the good shepherds could train and motivate some of the sheep to watch over the other sheep? That way, even though they don't have the skills to take care of all the needs of the lost sheep, they can at least alert the earthly good shepherd that there is a problem in the fold.

As Catholics, we are part of an eternal community, an eternal fold. We want to keep the fold together and we want to keep them moving in the same direction, dutifully following the Good Shepherd to the promised land. We ALL have to be alert for the lost sheep.

Because when a sheep is lost, and hurting, and their needs are not met, eventually they will not be able to follow anymore, or they will curl up into a corner of the pasture and watch the other sheep from afar. And they will wonder...what about me?

Now, in reality, outside of what I am asking you to contemplate, is the reality that the GOOD SHEPHERD, Jesus Christ Himself, knows about the lost sheep, and he calls the good shepherds, the earthly representatives of Jesus Christ, to stand in His place. These earthly good shepherds are great, but not perfect like Jesus, and they have faults. Some times they do not look for the lost sheep, and therein lies the danger. Sometimes they are overwhelmed, or afraid, or just plain too busy.

Many sheep can be injured, lost, stolen by the wolf, or worse yet, taken from the flock forever.

This is a big responsibility for an earthly good shepherd, so that is why we all have to help each other - sheep and shepherds alike. We have to atune our ears to the One True GOOD SHEPHERD so we know what to do and how to minister to one another.

We don't want to lose anymore sheep because someday the Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ, will ask not only the shepherds about the lost sheep, but I believe He will also ask the sheep remaining in the fold about the lost sheep too, where they might be, and what might have happened to them, and why weren't they found.

This is what I'm thinking tonight.....

Shooting for sainthood and missing....

How many saintly people are living in your church? Your neighborhood ? Your family ? Your workplace? Are you a saintly person? I want to be, but sadly, I am not. It isn't for lack of trying. I just don't think I have it in me to be a saint. If I ever make it to sainthood though I will probably be the patron saint of mistakes, or those having trouble keeping their mouths closed, or for those who eat too much chocolate after 6 PM. Realistically though, I think they would make me the patron saint of dead animals on the road because every time I see a dead animal on the road I say a prayer for it. Seriously.

But, let's get on with the topic of living a saintly life, shall we? Do you know any holy people? I know three. I can never be as good or holy as they are. They are always even tempered. I am not. They have confident faith on a consistent basis. I do not. They are optimistic in times of trouble. I am not.

I have a deep desire inside to be a saint, but the realities of life are strongly proving me otherwise. Sometimes I think I should just live in the confessional. I should wear a t-shirt that just says "I'm sorry" every day.

I keep thinking that if I pray enough I will eventually change. I have made some changes, but it is gruelingly slow work. God doesn't make junk, and I believe that. I am not junk. But He is the potter and I am the clay, and I think He will have to break me back down and start me back up on the potter's wheel many times over before I will even resemble being a saint.

I am not going to give up though. I may cry oceans of tears before it happens, but that is my goal. I am counting on all the promises we have been given - God's grace, peace, mercy and justice. Plus we have all the Sacraments. Today I asked the Holy Spirit to pour out His gifts on me so I can be who I am called to be.

We'll see. If I can just get through tomorrow without putting my foot in my mouth or being overly sensitive about something, I will consider that a victory towards my cause of sainthood.

Lord Have Mercy. Jesus, I trust in You.

Jesus, the ultimate friend

Jesus has lots of wonderful titles: Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords, Master, Savior, Messiah, etc... He also has the title of "Friend" for many people. Tonight, Jesus is my friend, and I am relying heavily on His friendship.

When everyone else is against me, or when I am alone, or when it is 2:30 AM, Jesus is the only friend that shows up. And He stays too. I am so thankful for Jesus' friendship.

Don't get me wrong. I am not trivializing who He is by calling Him a buddy or a friend. I know full well that He is also the Master of the Universe, the Alpha and the Omega, and the Almighty Word of God. I know all that. But sometimes I just need a "warm and fuzzy" friend from Heaven and Jesus is always there. He never leaves me alone. I hope you realize that He can be like that for you too.

You see, there are other faith traditions on the planet that see God as some sort of energy or impersonal force, not a God that you can have a real relationship with. God is an idea, or a theory. But not us. Our God has flesh and bones. Our God gives Himself to us again in the Eucharist at every Mass, and in so many other ways throughout our days.

If Jesus gave up His life for us, then why do some people think He is not also there with us in the little events of life? He loves us so much that He remains with us - to give us strength to get through our days. And some of our days are pretty rough, aren't they?

I'm coming off of a rough couple of days myself and the next few don't sound that great either. I am counting on my friend Jesus to be with me. I hope you can do the same. Come Lord Jesus, Come dear Friend and be with me, and anyone else who is reading this little blogspot.

Despite the Weeds and the Wheat.....

In today's world we definitely have the weeds living among the wheat. The weeds are growing large in the sunlight. They are taking over the wheat in many areas. The world looks ugly due to the wheat. But in Matthew 13:30 Jesus said "Let both (weeds and wheat) grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them, and to put the wheat in the barn.'"

What I've noticed in the last ten years or so is how the weeds have also grown rampant in some areas of the church, as well as the world. I love the church with my whole heart, but I would be a fool if I didn't notice this. Despite these weeds that are growing rampant, the Holy Spirit is still in charge.

I am comforted by the quote I mentioned in paragraph one because the weeds will be dealt with at the final harvest by Jesus Christ Himself.

Until then we followers of Jesus need to pray for the strength and the courage to be protected by the weeds who are out to destroy us. Some of the weeds are in our very own parish communities and by the grace of God we have to pray for them, confront them when necessary, and avoid them at all costs. That is my opinion anyway.

Sadly, today I did not see the weeds coming and they pounced on me in a surprise attack of sorts. I was left blind sided and dazed. I spent nearly a whole day in tears.

May the Wheat grow tall and firm and strong. May the Wheat sway in the wind with confidence. May it prosper and glow in God's Sonlight (not a typo). May the Weeds realize their fate and have a conversion experience. This we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Ask the Angels!

Someone once told me that the Catholic Church is never empty...that even though the church is not full of people at every Mass, the angels make up the difference in the pews. Ever since I heard that I often think of the myriads of angels that are at Mass with us. When there is nobody next to me in the pew, which is often, I will think how there are angels on either side of me, singing their little angelic wings off. Isn't that cool?

There are people who know a lot about angels. I know some things about angels. I've read a few books about them. I've contemplated angels. I've talked to my guardian angel. My guardian angel's name is Matthew.

How do I know my guardian angel's name is Mathew ? Well, many years ago I was just starting to question the existence of angels and was doing some research. I desperately wanted to know if my guardian angel had a name. Someone told me that I should just give my angel a name and be done with it. Well I just figured that my guardian angel must already have a name and was named by God, so I didn't want to come up with a made up name.

So, perhaps this is going to sound crazy to anyone reading this, but this is what I did. I started praying and asking God to tell me the name of my guardian angel. I prayed for a good two years at least. I didn't give up. One night I had a "God dream".

In the dream I found myself on a beach at night. Perfect temperature. Stars were out in the dark sky. Jesus was standing face to face with me. He was incredible! He told me that he had to leave to go and do something. I asked him, "Lord, if you go, who will take care of me?" Jesus said " Mathew will." I asked "Who is Matthew?" Jesus looked beyond me to the right and nodded towards someone. I turned and looked. On a rocky jetty, sat this magnificient angel. He was seated, with his arms around his knees, all in white, and his wings moved ever so slowly. Despite the darkness, he was bright. He turned to look back at Jesus, nodded in reply, and then looked at me and nodded too. Then I realized right there in my dream: MATTHEW is my guardian angel's name! I turned around quickly to thank Jesus for the answer to my prayers and Jesus had already left to do whatever he had to do. I looked back towards Matthew and as I did, I woke up. The dream was over. Ever since that dream, I know Mathew is my angel's name!

So anyway, Angels are anothe reason why I love my Catholic faith. Again, we have the "fullness of Truth" and angels are part of that Truth. Tonight I thank, and celebrate, the angels, especially Matthew. Another Angel I am close to is St. Michael. I love St. Michael. The way I see it, I have three body guards with me at all times: Jesus, St. Michael, and Matthew.

I will end by saying this: Don't ignore God's angels. Ask them to pray for you and to be with you and those you love. Don't be afraid to ASK THE ANGELS. God uses them as His messengers all the time and they are real.

Divine Mercy

This coming Sunday is Divine Mercy Sunday. The words "divine" and "mercy" are such beautiful words by themselves, but when you put them together they are even more wonderful.

Have you ever thought about God's mercy in regards to your own life?

None of us deserves God's mercy, yet He gives it to us readily. That just blows me away! God's mercy has been poured out upon His creation for eons. Even today He still reminds us that His mercy is there for those of us who desire it.

I believe that God's mercy is in effect everytime He chooses not to smote somebody who comes up to receive His Body and Blood unworthily. It is His mercy that lets us draw our next breath when we have so often and so deeply offended His precious name.

I can receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and feel so wonderful afterwards because my sins have been forgiven, but sometimes it takes me less than an hour for me to commit another sin. Without God's mercy my soul would be in eternal danger.

Jesus, I just want to thank you for your love and mercy. We don't deserve it. I suppose I will never fully comprehend your ways. Your mercy is like the ocean waves on a beach - they never stop. Please help us all become aware of your mercy in our lives - miserable sinners that we are. Please help us be worthy of your mercy. Please help us be as merciful to others as you are to us.

Amen.

The Gates of Hell will not prevail

We were promised in Scripture that the gates of Hell will not prevail against the Church. And they won't. But I must say that Hell is certainly trying its ugly best to prevail and cause havoc for everyone.

Not even a week ago we celebrated the great feast of Easter. The Easter vigil was magnificent. The solemn reflective nature of Lent passed into a joyous outburst of "Alleluia He is Risen!". Holy Week was just the best! Then Monday came.

It is officially called Easter Monday, but for me, someone who had to return to the regular work week, it didn't really feel like Easter Monday. It felt more like "just another Monday" and I was asking myself how many days until Friday!

Oh how I wish the joy of Easter would be easier to hang on to! In the depths of my heart I want to live that Easter joy every single moment. But it is a struggle because the gates of Hell pound upon the earth and attempt to assault our souls and do whatever it can to smash our joy. It can make it hard to keep our focus.

For me, it is 100% essential that I stay connected to Jesus. Otherwise I don't think I could even begin to make sense of this crazy world. Hanging on to Jesus is what gives me the strength to deal with things after I get out of bed in the morning. I try to go to daily Mass and after work I try my best to get to church for some quiet prayer time. Sometimes I'm not so focused in my afternoon prayer, but I am there. Jesus knows my heart and how crazy my days can be and He knows that sometimes I am not that great at praying. But I sit there anyway, in my little spot in the third pew in front of the tabernacle, in hopes that His grace will still touch me.

As the first week of the Easter season comes to a close I ask Jesus, and St. Michael, to push the gates of Hell far away from me and from everyone. Please instill within us massive amounts of grace so we can be bright shining witnesses of Easter joy to everyone. Amen.

On Waiting for Silent Conversions

I used to think that a conversion experience consisted of being knocked off of one's high horse like Saul experienced on the way to Damascus: a moment of instantaneous knowing exactly who Jesus Christ is that totally transforms us. In the next moment we lift our heads from the mire of ordinary life and rise in the form of a "Super Christian"! Okay, so I'm a little warped, but that is what I used to think.

As the years have gone by, I have come to believe that most conversions are a slow turning towards Jesus, not the falling off of one's horse type. Of course Jesus can still move us along in our faith in a mighty way, but I think many times conversion experiences are unseen by others because they take place within the deep recesses of our souls.

I know most of us would hope that Jesus would make us saints in an instant. It would save us a lot of spiritual growing pains along the way. But the more I understand the lives of the saints I can see that in most cases, they took the time to wait for those moments of silent conversion. They took the time to be with Jesus and to wait on what His Holy Spirit would do with them. That takes not only time, but patience during waiting.

I think silent conversions occur after hours of cumulative reflection, delving into scripture, abandoning ourselves, waiting through times when nothing seems to be happening in prayer, and trusting that when we take the time to sit with Jesus and wait that He will indeed come to us and transform us.

I think sometimes we realize that we've experienced a silent conversion when we are faced with certain situations. We find ourselves understanding things differently, or reacting differently. Perhaps we have greater wisdom in a situation that we didn't have before, or perhaps more self-control. We know we are different somehow.

I think waiting in prayer is essential to prepare our souls for silent conversions to take place. It allows God the time and the space to work within us because we are there before Him, surrendering, vulnerable, and waiting. We have removed distractions and our focus is solely on Jesus. He is the potter and we are the clay.

In time, like the sea rolling endlessly over a rough rock and making it shiney and smooth, our souls, if we sit long enough in His presence, become smoothed by His touch and transformed. We move from being rough sinful people to shiney saints.

These are my thoughts for this evening. John Paul II pray for us.

The Resurrection and the Rabbit

We Americans can be such fools. I mean really....why would someone in their right mind choose to celebrate and perpetuate the myth of a furry bunny that hops along during the eve of Easter and delivers baskets (much bigger than itself) filled with candy and colored eggs, which it apparently lays, to children of the world?

Unbelievers would disagree with me and would pose this question: Why would someone in their right mind choose to celebrate and perpetuate the story of a man, claiming to be God, who was crucified and then 3 days later, rose from the dead?

From a totally objective, undeducated, "blank slate" perspective, one might think that both of these possibilities are just plain silly.

Someone once asked me, aren't we Catholics being arrogant to propose to the world that we have the "Fullness of Truth", and that other christian denominations only have some of the truth? I responded that yes, it would be arrogant, if it weren't true. But the fact is, we do have the Fullness of Truth within the Catholic Church, and part of that fact is the reality of the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Anyone who approaches this question with sincerity and study, will eventually find themselves coming home to the Catholic Church, the only Church Jesus founded.

The resurrection is fact, not fiction. Jesus is God enfleshed, who came down to earth to save us from eternal death and damnation by allowing the sinfulness of humanity to fall upon His shoulders so that He could carry all of it to the cross, destroy it, and win back our salvation that was lost in the Garden of Eden. Without His doing that, we wouldn't stand a chance against the gates of Hell.

Yet in our American culture, the Bunny appears to be winning, doesn't he (or is it a she? Probably a she because of the laying eggs part of the story!). But don't lose heart. This is only temporary, for the Resurrection will have the last word. You know that childrens' story about the tourtous and hare? The hare thought he was winning in that story too until the tourtous crossed the finish line, winning the race. He was slow and steady.

The Catholic Church is steadily and slowly moving forward in time, carrying this grand deposit of faith like a turtle carries its shell on its back. We don't worry about the rabbits because we already won the race a couple of thousand of years ago on a small hill called Calvary.

I would like to end my little blog tonight by challenging all the Catholics who are reading this to make Easter truly a celebration of the resurrection. If you didn't do it this year, do it next year.

Choosing the Resurrection over the Rabbit is a no brainer if you ask me. But that is just my not so humble opinion. I would say, sure go ahead and bite the head off of a chocolate rabbit and enjoy it if that makes you happy at the moment, but go beyond the ham, the eggs, and the generic "spring" family gathering, and share the real meaning of Easter with others.

Here are some tips for doing so next year:
* Participate in all the Holy Week liturgies at your parish.
* Read the resurrection stories to your children.
* Pray a grace before your Easter meal.
* Put a religious centerpiece on your Easter table - a statue of Jesus, perhaps?
* If you are going to decorate Easter Eggs, put religious symbols on them.
* Invite your priest to Easter dinner.
* Give each guest coming to your Easter dinner a little religious gift: rosary.

What else can you come up with?

The Last Night...

Tonight is the last night of the triduum. Sigh......Holy Week is my favorite week of the entire year. In just a half hour or so I will be at my little Catholic church down the road enjoying a fantastic Easter Vigil. I love this "high church" stuff (in english, not latin). I love everything about tonight. I hope this vigil lasts a long time so I can savor each moment.

I LOVE BEING CATHOLIC! I am so excited for the people entering the church around the world this night. Thank you Jesus for going through all that you did for me. I can never ever repay you, but I will try to do my best for you while I'm puttsing around on this earth.

Happy Easter Vigil Everyone !

The Greatest Practical Joke

(I dedicate tonight's blog to Pope John Paul II the Great because this is the anniversary of his passing into Heaven.)

Someone once told me that the greatest practical joke God ever played on the devil was that on Good Friday the devil thought he had "won" when He saw the Son of God dead on the cross. There must've been some party in Hell on that Friday night....ooh, I betcha that little creep downstairs was on his high horse and bragging to all the little devils that he had taken down the one and only Son of God. He must've had himself a good laugh...for a couple of days at least.

Well, we all know the end of the story, and the devil did not win. Can you imagine his horror and dismay the second the resurrection happened? Can you imagine the big belly laugh God our Heavenly Father must've had when He saw the look on the devil's face after the resurrection? I betcha that ol' devil had quite a temper tantrum!

Nobody does anything better than our God and boy, did He ever play the biggest practical joke EVER on that little creep downstairs?!

Today is Good Friday. It was the day that our beloved Jesus, gave all that He had for you and for me. It was the day our salvation was won back and Jesus broke the chains that had bound us since the dawn of humanity.

In hindsight, we know what Good Friday is all about because we know that the resurrection happened after it. However, back then they did not know what we know. Jesus' followers were confused and most abandoned Him. The day of the crucifixion was a dark scary day. They didn't understand what was happening even though Jesus had tried to prepare them.

And then his mother Mary, also our Heavenly mother...was there at the cross through it all. She is a model for us. She didn't run from the cross even though what she was seeing before her eyes was splitting her heart in two. She was present with her Son when He needed her the most. Her love kept her there just as Jesus' love for us kept Him on the cross. As humiliating as it was for Him to have His mother see Him like that, I bet she was the one comfort He truly had, especially after He cried out to His Father asking Him why He had abandoned Him, because that is what he was feeling at that moment. I never thought of that before, until now.

So, the joke on the little creep downstairs is not just that Jesus' death wasn't final, but that through His death and resurrection, God gave Mary to the world as our mother. In her humility God rose her to the height of Queen of Heaven. That must've been a slap in the face to the devil because I wonder if he ever regretted being so arrogant to the point of being kicked out of Heaven. If he had only stuck it out as a humble angel, he could have had so many blessings. But he chose not to be humble.

I think it is neat that humility always trumps arrogance. Something for all of us to think about this Good Friday night.

In the midst of Holy Week 2010

I love Holy Week!

Palms. Oils. Fire. Water. Cross. Eucharist. Feet Washing. Silence. Priesthood. Fasting. Veneration. Lillies. Candles. Incense. Community. Sorrow. Hope. Life. Victory.

These are the things that come to mind when I think of Holy Week.

Have you ever tried to enter into Holy Week as much as possible? Have you ever tried to enter into anything relating to our faith with your whole self? Have you ever done a very good examination of conscience before the Sacrament of Reconciliation? Have you ever tried to pay attention to every detail of the Mass? Have you ever tried to wake up each day and try your absolute 100% best for Jesus? What is that like?

This year I am trying to have a really good Holy Week. I've tried to enter into Lent as much as possible and am very psyched for this special week. Here we are on Wednesday already.

Have you ever noticed that when you try and give 100% of yourself to Jesus, the little creep downstairs tries to mess things up? He doesn't want us to get closer to Jesus so he tries to throw a wrench in our plans. This is what I feel has happened to me this Holy Week. Right from the "get go" on Palm Sunday morning things started to go wrong. It is now Wednesday night of Holy Week. He has been bugging me all week. It seems that whenever I take a step closer to Jesus that little creep is right at my heels. I am learning to recognize his annoying habits and ways and I am learning to rebuke them ever the more. Plus, a good attitude helps, and I am trying to be better with that too.

I know that with God's grace I will do well throughout the rest of this week. As much that has gone wrong, I can see more of God's blessings being poured out. After all, the "gates of hell will not prevail" against His church, and not against His people either (In my not always humble opinion) if we keep our eyes focused on Him like when Peter kept his eyes on Jesus when walking on water.

Speaking of walking on water....I have "day two" of water in my basement and I've gotta go take care of it. Another trial on the way to Easter!

Glory and Majesty

Today I am totally excited about the glory and majesty of my wonderful Catholic faith. Today I had the opportunity to attend our Holy Week's Chrism Mass at my diocesan Cathedral. Everything was so spectacular! Everyone who attended wanted to be there so everyone fully participated. When we said "Amen", it was a strong "Amen". When we sang, everyone tried their best. We had, I think, every priest in our diocese there, plus deacons, and our bishop. It was so neat to hear the priests renew their vows. The bishop gave a good homily. The Mass was long, perhaps two hours in length, but I didn't mind. I loved every blessed second of it.

Outside the weather was horrific with rains and flooding in the streets, but I was safe with dozens of priests, Jesus and all the angels, and "my people". I guess you could say I was in my "zone". The world could have ended at that very moment and I would have been as happy as a clam.

The Church Jesus founded is full of so much glory and majesty, and the people who provided this Mass experience for us today put great care into every detail. I am very grateful for that. THANK YOU JESUS! I LOVE HOLY WEEK!

Whatsoever you do to the least...

Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers (sisters), you do to me. These are the words of Jesus. Taking that to heart, our world contains many people who are hurting the body of Christ.

I work with "the least". I know lots of kids who have been hurt by adults. I talk to them every day. I see their pain and help them work through it when I can. I talk to their parents too. The very parents who have hurt them. This can make me angry. I want to say to them "How can you even think of using your hand to hurt this precious child?". Then I get to know the parents a little more and I realize, they are just little wounded kids in big adult bodies. Someone hurt them when they were little too. Hence, the cycle of abuse continues, and perhaps someday, these cute little kids that I know today, will become big angry adults who abuse their own kids.

Sometimes it is overwhelming. How can I possibly make a difference in their lives? How can I influence their future as well as their today? How can I touch the hearts of their parents to motivate them to change?

I never in my life, as a "good little Catholic girl" thought I would get to know people who are, or have been, drug abusers, drug sellers, prostitutes, thieves, people on parole, pedophiles, and just very miserable, filthy, angry, mean, people. But here I am doing just that.

Every once in a while I run across a parent who wants to really make a change. Every once in a while I run across a parent who actually apologizes to their child(ren) and really means it.

The woundedness is so deep in some families that the sunlight seems so very far away, and the chance for success seems slim to none.

The longer I work with people, the more I am convinced that the only One who can ever make a difference is Jesus. I can do my part. My little part. I can surrender and ask Jesus to let me be his instrument, but the rest is up to Him. I am hoping that perhaps a word I say to someone will be implanted like a seed within their heart. And someday, perhaps this seed will sprout. I have to believe that will happen. So I try, in little ways, to plant seeds.

One of the things I do, as a Catholic, is that every day at lunch I quietly pray a grace before my meal. I end with the sign of the cross. I say nothing, but try to use that as a witness. Sometimes the kids will notice and ask me what I am doing. I respond that I am thanking God for my food before I eat it. Sometimes the kids (3-7 year olds), will start talking about God in their own way. It is very cute to hear what they think of God and who He is. I listen and say little things like how God loves them and is always with them.

Just last week, an 8 year old boy told me that he prays every night. I encouraged him to continue praying and that no matter where he ever lived or what time it was, even in the middle of the night, that Jesus was always there to listen. Hopefully I planted a seed. Since I am an adult he trusts, I think he took my words to heart.

I guess my point here is two fold. The first being that as Catholic Christians we have to realize that even the smallest things we do may have a big impact on someone else, young or old. Secondly, we have to realize that some problems in this world are just too big for us to fix and we have to pray and rely on Jesus to use us as his instruments and to ask for his Holy Spirit to enter a situation and fix it.

That is all I wanted to say today. That, and please pray for everyone in the world who is being abused. Please pray that they will look to Jesus for their healing.

God bless your night/day.

A week of restless leaves

It is Palm Sunday night. Holy Week has begun. My favorite week of the year. It is a hard week too. It is busy for priests because of everything they have to provide for us. For me, as much as I look forward to it, Holy Week is usually a restless time.

It is sort of like walking down a dirt path on a beautiful day. Woods on either side. The air is calm, then all of a sudden a breeze kicks up and the leaves scatter, twist, and twirl in front of me on the path. Dust is kicked up. There is some unsettledness before me. Holy Week is like that. Unsettled.

We have to go through all the unsettling feelings this week to get to Easter Sunday. The challenge of Holy week is to let our souls become restless...to let the dust and leaves kick up around our feet so that we pay closer attention to where we are supposed to be going.

Holy Week, not called that in Jesus' day of course, was very restless for Jesus. He had the excitement and activity of Palm Sunday, everyone rejoicing in His presence, praising Him, and smiles everywhere. And then, just a few days later, the Passover meal with his disciples, the institution of the Eucharist and the priesthood, the washing of the feet, then the agony in Gethsemane, His arrest, beating, and being thrown before the authorities of the day. Then, the crucifixion, death, silence in the tomb, and then an explosion of life in the resurrection.

It is no wonder that I feel restless. My soul wants to ponder all of these events, to walk through them with Jesus, to show my love for Him, but also to become one with Him in as much as I am able to as a mere creature. To enter into Holy Week for me is to enter into the joy of the chrism Mass on Tuesday, then plunge to the depths of the crucifixion, and then to rise with him on Easter.

At this moment, I am crying on the inside, not the outside, at least not yet. My soul enters this week with joyful, yet dreaded anticipation. Will I have the strength and courage to let the Holy Spirit kick up the leaves in my soul so that I may grow in faith and rise to higher heights in my faith on Easter Sunday? Or will I walk on this path with my eyes closed to avoid the leaves and dust before me? I pray I have the courage to keep my eyes open.

I have to trust that behind the restless leaves, there is the Holy Spirit, kicking up the breeze to catch not only the leaves and dust, but to pick up my soul as well and to bring it to another place.

On conquering sin

As Christians we know we are all sinners and all fall short of the glory of God. It is only through his grace and love that we have hope of salvation and in someday being with Him in Heaven.

It has been my experience that, at least for me, sin is born in two places: the mind and the heart. If we don't have control over both of those things, then we fall into sin. The mind and the heart are the biggest battlefields for the little creep downstairs ( a.k.a. that pee wee of a devil that thinks he is "all that" and more ).

It is very easy to fall into sin in today's world. There are temptations all around us. Our days are so busy that, unless we are diligent, it is easy to lose sight of keeping tabs on our spiritual life and any virtues we might have, or are trying to develop.

Sin is quick to enter in. It only takes a thought or a strong feeling about something to take hold of us and pull us down towards that abyss of darkness called sin. If we don't practice and pray for self-control our soul can get hit pretty hard.

One of the best things about Jesus' Church, our wonderful sacred and holy Catholic church is that we have been given things to help us fight the good fight against sin. Sadly, many people don't take advantage of these gifts, but some do.

We have to put on the whole armor of God just to walk out of the doors of our homes and enter the world. I'm not saying that as a scare tactic, but the world has gone downhill so fast, and sin and temptation abound, so we have to be vigilant. Just read scripture and God Himself will tell you so.

For me, I find the things that help me fight sin the most are going to Sunday Mass, going to daily Mass as often as I can, going to Confession, and serious prayer time. Even still, will all of this, it can be a struggle. I also think there is great power and benefit to praying the rosary and in praying the prayer of St. Michael.

Conquering sin is something we have to think about, because falling into sin is a slippery path. One sin can lead to another, and then another, and then an "I don't care" attitude can form and then it can get really messy.

I also think one other thing that helps to conquer sin is hanging around with good people who are also trying hard to be holy. Support from others helps.

Where would we be without Jesus ? If He didn't come and save us, we would surely be sunk for all eternity ! But, he gives us these great gifts through His most Holy Church. Gifts that are also tools that we can use each day.

Conquering sin is difficult. Very difficult. But it is something we can do because nothing is impossible with God, so let's continue to fight the good fight of faith. Let's rise each day and trust that Jesus is with us and let's keep the desire we have to be holy foremost in our minds.

That is my opinion anyway. Have a blessed night.

Can you hand me my crutches please?

I've been hobbling around most of the week. Not on physical crutches, but on spiritual ones. It has been a tough week and I've needed to lean on my faith to get me through. Yes, at times my faith is a crutch .

Some people say that Christians use faith as a crutch, as if that is a bad thing. Well, of course we use our faith as a crutch! It is there to help us! Due to original sin we are wounded people in need of spiritual healing so why wouldn't we need spiritual crutches?

Going to Mass fills me with the Word of God and the Body and Blood of Jesus, my beloved Savior who gives me strength for the challenges in my days.

Praying the rosary helps me meditate on the life of Christ and has the Virgin Mary interceding for the needs I bring to prayer.

Sitting in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament surrounds and fills me with God's grace to give me what I need once I walk out the doors of my little Catholic church.

Reading Scripture gives me encouragement, comfort, and advice after, or in the midst of, a rough day.

You get my drift, yes? I am very much in need of my faithful crutches. I am thankful for all the gifts the Catholic Church gives me that assist me on my faith journey.

I think that anyone who thinks they don't need spiritual crutches is not aware of their own woundedness and how much our Catholic faith can help them. This is what I think anyway.

So, can you hand me my crutches please for tomorrow is another day and I need His divine help?

It is really Him.

It is awesome to think that I have the great grace and privilege as a Catholic to go to Holy Communion and receive the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ.

This is my little blogspot so I can say anything I want and tonight I want to shout to everyone that I am so blessed to be Catholic - the church founded by Jesus Himself. He has given us the Fullness of Truth which includes Himself in the Eucharist.

You may read this and not agree with me. I'm not interested in debating our difference in what we believe. I have "been there" and "done that" with people and I tell you tonight that debating about the Eucharist is largely a waste of time because you either believe that through the power of the Holy Spirit the bread becomes Jesus, or you don't. It is a matter of faith. Read John 6 --- "Unless you eat my body and drink my blood, you shall not have life within you. Also St. Paul brings out that (paraphrase here ) isn't His body real food and his blood, real drink?

I am so blessed to be Catholic. I am so blessed to be able to receive Jesus in Holy Communion. I just love Jesus so much. That is all I want to say tonight. Please don't debate me on this. If you disagree, so be it. But I challenge you to do some research on this. Read Scripture. Read the Catechism. Read about Eucharistic miracles. Pray about it. Because...

It is really Him.

Beware of uncertain roads and little red wagons

I once did a foolish thing. Well, let me clarify, I've done lots of foolish things, but this one thing was incredibly foolish. I was a day camp director one summer many years ago. I loved to arrive very early each day. The camp was fairly deep in the woods. I loved going in early to hear the birds and just be alone with God in nature before the kids poured out of their buses for a day of fun.

Anyway, I had one of those "getting in touch with my inner child moments", or so I thought. I saw a red wagon on the side of the path. A typical kids' wagon. I saw that the path was a slow downhill through the woods. I was going downhill. I thought "Oh, if I get in the wagon I can ride downhill and get to the bottom faster and it would be fun too." Right ? WRONG. So, very wrong. But I got in the wagon anyway. It was small so I was sort of kneeling in it. I started going down the hill very gently and it was fun. I went over small stones and little lumps. I thought to myself "what a great idea!" About a second and a half later, things started going very wrong and I knew I was on a very uncertain and dangerous road!

The wagon seemed to pick up speed. The gullies and stones in the road became bigger and the path became more windy. Within no time, I was totally out of control and flying down the hill. It was all I could do to stay inside the wagon. I had no braking system. My heart filled with panic and what once was a great idea suddenly became very foolish and dangerous.

And then it happened....I hit something on the path and the wagon went one way and I went the other. I skidded down the path on my knees and stomach, rolled over and slammed into a small tree. Suddenly all was quiet. It was almost like one of those cartoons with the little stars and tweety birds dancing around my head.

After a moment of silence, I realized I was still alive. I moaned and groaned. Here I was an adult, a very foolish and stupid adult, laying in the middle of the woods, bloodied and sore. I had a bandana with me ( an essential in the woods for any girl scout ), and tied up my knee which was dripping very badly with blood.

How is this a metaphor for the spiritual life? We are all on a spiritual path somewhere in God's world. But sometimes we take things into our own hands. Instead of taking it slow, trusting, and walking humbly with our God, we think we can get to the end of the path quicker and more efficiently. Sure, we may get there, if we don't crash and burn like I did, but we will miss things along the way. If I had walked down that path I would have seen different birds and plants and heard the little creatures in the woods. I would have noticed the beauty of the details God made in nature. Instead I was in a hurry and thought I had a better idea.

In a world where things often go fast, we have trouble going slow. We want efficiency and quick results. In doing so we can miss so much along the way. And in going fast, we overlook things that God might be trying to show us.

To this day, I have had an aversion to little red wagons, but I still love to wander down wooded paths and uncertain roads. The difference is that since then, I learned to hold onto Jesus instead of the handle of a wagon.

Born for this time in history

Have you ever wondered why you were born to live in this time in history? I do. I wonder why God made me for this time. Why not the Victorian age? Why not during the American revolution time? But he made us for today.

We are living in an upside down world. Bad is good. Blatant sinfullness is popular and praised in our culture. JP2 was right, we are living in a culture of death.

Fr. Corapi on EWTN said "Don't focus on the darkness" in this world. Isn't that great advice ? The times we are living in are dark. But we are called to be lights and to focus on Jesus, the light of the world.

So, in this dark time in human history, why are YOU here ? Why am I here ? What is our purpose ? We each have a unique purpose. Some days I think I know my purpose. and know exactly where to shine my little light, and other days I don't.

We are coming to the closing days of the Lenten season. Have we grown in faith? Have we grown in our relationship with Jesus ? Have we created habits that will last far beyond Holy Week and Easter Sunday ? Have we had a conversion experience during this time? Have we prayed, fasted, gone to confession, given alms ? Have we become more holy ? Have we taken advantage of everything our wonderful Catholic Church has offered us ?

Have I become more holy? I hope so, perhaps a little bit. I have tried during Lent to become better. I really have. I have prayed from the heart with great seriousness. I know Jesus listened. I have felt His grace in those moments.

But, I am not prepared to say why God put me here at this point. I just hope that I am doing His will as best I can as the opporunity arises each day. I suppose that the quick answer of why I am here is "to love and serve God"...but unpacking that phrase takes time and reflection.

I do know that, collectively, we Catholics are put here in this time to be lights in the darkness, in however that will take form for each of us. I believe that we will someday be held accountable to the One Almighty God for how well we let our lights shine. We have the entire deposit of faith, afterall. We have the answers in Jesus Christ. It is like we have a grand closet filled with gifts and everything we need, but we keep it locked up and refuse to share it with others, or even to share it with ourselves.

We have to open the closet wide, throw away the keys, make an assembly line and toss out the gifts for the entire world! There are needs out there in the world that we are supposed to be helping with. Jesus said, whatsover we do to the least, we do to him. At this point in time we are letting sin run rampant because we do not speak up. WE HAVE THE HEALING OILS ! WE HAVE THE MASTER PHYSICIAN ! WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO RECEIVE JESUS IN THE EUCHARIST ! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE HEART AND HANDS OF JESUS TO THE WORLD ! (Sorry for the yelling...I get emotional about this stuff! LOL !)

We have it all. We are born in this time in history for a reason. Let us then all fall down in prayer before Jesus and surrender ourselves to Him and let him fill our hearts and empower us, and send us, and anoint us, and use us.

We don't have to live in this culture of death if we bring it into the light, and let Jesus transform it.

Anyway, these are my thoughts tonight. They sound loud and extreme, but this is how strongly I am feeling about things in our world tonight.

We have to step out in faith and somehow, even in a very very small way, we have to make a difference in this time in history.....

"Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more".....SO LET'S SURRENDER AND GET BUSY ! There is a world out there that needs us to tell them about Jesus.

Sigh.....I sure hope someone is out there reading this and agreeing with me ! :)

The benefit of pouring out one's heart to God

What is the benefit of pouring out one's heart to God?
Have you ever thought about it? I am thinking of that tonight.

By "pouring out one's heart " I mean not just pouring, but emptying. I mean letting everything out until there is nothing left at all. Not even a drop. You give everything to God. Every thought. Every feeling. Everything.

Why should we do that? I mean, He already knows everything about us. I don't think it has as much to do with the fact that He needs to, or has to, hear it all. I think pouring our hearts out cleanses us. It helps us make room in our hearts so that His Holy Spirit can come in and do whatever He wants. That is what I think anyway.

Once the heart is emptied out, what do we do? Well, I think the best thing to do is just to wait. Wait with an empty heart. Ask Him to come into your heart and fill it with whatever He wants in there.

I think pouring out one's heart is something that helps us have a deeper conversion and helps Jesus transform us and mold us. I also don't think it is something that should be done only once and then you assume the job is all done. I think it is like spring cleaning, but should be done more often.

Life has a way of filling our hearts back up with things that are not always of God. Sometimes they are just trivial things, but they still take up room.

Pouring out one's heart also helps us to see our place before God. It humbles us. It can be uncomfortable because some things "stick" like dried mashed potatoes to a plate! So the Holy Spirit has to use a brillo pad to scrub it off of us. So yes, I think it can be painful.

But the benefits we get last longer each time we undergo this experience. Because after the first couple of times, we know what to expect. A little "ouch", a little emptiness, some tears, etc, but then there is that wonderful sense when God's peace rolls on in...the "living water" that is Jesus begins to flow through. Then, the grace, ever so gently comes in and rests there.

I think the last two weeks of Lent are a perfect time to pour out one's heart to God so that we can be as ready as we can for Holy Week, which is coming up quickly.

So, that is all I wanted to say today. I have much more inside to say, but it is very personal and only for Jesus' ears. In the mean time...God bless your night.

Talkin' about Jesus

I have a great need within my heart and soul to talk about Jesus. He is the most important Person in my life. That is one reason why I started this blog.

The other night I was privileged to hear Alice Von Hildebrand speak. She is a theologian, philospher, professor, a real lady and a very holy woman. After it was over, once outside, I blurted out to some friends that hearing her speak was like having an oasis plunked down in the middle of my desert.

I don't know if you've ever been around any holy people. I have been around a few. Right now in my life I know three very holy people, plus one that I knew who is now passed away. The Holy Spirit just oozes out of them. I wish I had more time to be with them, to hear them speak, to get to know how and why they got to be so holy. They are wonderful examples for me and I don't think I will ever be able to measure up to them. But, I do have hope that one day I will.

Sometimes however, I think I will never make it to even grace the arena of holiness. I might touch upon it from time to time, like a moth to a light, but to stay and rest on holiness, I don't know if I am able. I am certainly willing and I do ask God to make me holy. I think sometimes he just smiles at me, as an adult smiles at a five year old who says she wants to be a lawyer, ballerina, mommy, and fairy princess all at the same time when she grows up. The adult knows it is pretty much impossible, but lets the child hang on to that hopeful vision.

I do try to be holy though. I really do. I fail miserably about ten times a day. Sometimes more. I know there are some keys to finding holiness. Humility. Prayer. Selflessness. Trust. Faith. Openness. Docility before Jesus. Perseverence. Praising God in the midst of suffering. Those are some of the biggies I know about. I have had all of those at one time or another, but not all together in one package like the three holy people I know. Oh, and another one is knowing when to keep one's mouth shut. That one I don't think I will ever master. I do try though, but fail miserably, and quite often.

I think loving Jesus is just one aspect of becoming holy. Of course, we have to love Him, and those of us on the journey of faith do love him tremendously. But then we have to put our love in action. That is what I think anyway. For me, some days I love Jesus so much that it is hard to keep it in. I know I'm supposed to let my light shine, but I also don't want to be an "in your face" Catholic and offend anyone. So, I try to hold it inside sometimes. Sometimes it is darn near impossible to keep quiet though! That is when I put on my Jesus tunes in my car and play them loud and sing with my horrible singing voice at the top of my lungs. This is best done in the summer when I can open my windows and feel the breeze and the warm air. It is times like that when I swear it is like my car has wings, and I could just lift up into the air, body, soul, and car too!

Sometimes I can get lonely because I really want to talk about Jesus and there is nobody around who understands. I can sit and be so close to Jesus. So very very close. And I have so much love for Him that it feels my heart will just explode into a million fragments of starlight. It is so great that I can tell Jesus I love Him and I know He is very close, however there is also the need to shout it from the mountain top too. I want to share that with others. But alas, we "Jesus freaks" are usually misunderstood.

What I really need is a group of people who also love Jesus very very very much and want to talk about Him and how He is working in our lives. What I need are people who also like to delve into Jesus' words and ponder them aloud with me.

I am looking for this. I don't know if I will find it though. Many Catholics are a bit shy about sharing their faith - even some priests and sisters these days. About a month or so ago, I actually e-mailed a sister in my diocese and asked if she would get together to share and talk. I also asked her another question about an event in our area. She got back to me and answered my second question, but totally ignored my invitation to get together. I told her I didn't know that many sisters and I thought it would be neat to get together. Nope.

So, I don't know what Jesus has up His holy sleeve for me. I ask. I wait. I pray.
I think perhaps I need to start talking more to the communion of saints more ...the canonized ones in Heaven. They will understand. I don't know what I would do if they started talking back though ! LOL ! Although St. Anthony does help me find things from time to time, but has never talked to me!

Once again, I am being hyper verbal, but hey, you came into my blog world so you have to put up with my ramblings. You can click me off anytime you want. People in the real world do that to me alot so I'm used to it. Plus here, I won't even know that you came to listen to me, and I won't know if you leave either.

So, if you are floating around my little blogspot, have a blessed night.

On Being with Jesus

Jesus is always with us. He is good at "being" with us. However, I think many people are not so good at "being" with Him.

How can we "be" with Jesus in our lives? Our crazy busy, technology influenced, "sounds-around-us-all-the-time" lives? This is what I want to talk about tonight on my little blogspot somewhere up here in cyberspace.

So many people hit the ground running the second their alarm clocks go off in the morning. TVs or radios get turned on. Microwaves and coffee pots bleep and blink as we race around to get ready for work or get the kids off to school. Then the workday is full of computer sounds, fax machines, people demanding that we do all sorts of tasks. Then lunch time is usually filled with sounds of people, sometimes just running to the closest fast food place to throw something we think is nutritious into our bodies, then it is back to work for more noise. You get what I'm saying here...it is crazy out there!

It can be hard to carve out any quiet time for ourselves to be with Jesus, and that makes the little creep downstairs (a.k.a. the devil) very happy. He loves us to be super busy and to think we are out of control and have no time for quiet time with Jesus (the "still small voice" that is God).

That is when we have to meet the challenge and look at our schedule. After all, we say we love Jesus, don't we ? We say we are christians, don't we? We have to meet the obstacles in our world head on and we have to stand up and say "JESUS COMES FIRST" and then we have to use our God-given minds and come up with a plan to make it happen.

How to start out being with Jesus a little more each day:

Why don't you sit in your car during your work break and pray a rosary or read a little scripture?
Bring your bible or some spiritual book to work and read a little during your break.
Can't find a quiet place at work ? Try the bathroom !! Seriously !!

Once you master that, try and find a parish that is open where you can sit and pray, even if it is for 10 minutes. I'm very blessed because my adorable little Catholic Church is open a lot so I make good use of it.

The thing is, you have to make a plan, and then make a commitment.

Now, some of you might be afraid of the silence because your mind floods with all your worries and you think it is easier to keep busy so you don't have to think. Again, that is the little creep downstairs at work. Give all your worries and thoughts to Jesus in prayer. Ask Him to help you. He will give you grace in uncommon hours, as the saying goes.

Like anything, it may take practice. You can't just jump into having the spiritual depth of St. Theresa of Avila after a week. It takes self-discipline, commitment, surrender, focus, etc... However, just like going to the gym, once you get into the habit, it becomes second nature. Soon you will find yourself craving time with Jesus.

Now, the beauty of all of this is not only that you will receive graces and a stronger faith and relationship with Jesus, but if you are a parent, you have the opportunity to train your children in their youth to be with Jesus.

This is getting long, but this is what is on my mind tonight. In this crazy world it is very important that we make time for Jesus because He is the One who will give us the strength to deal with our super busy world.

Just think...while you are busy being with Jesus, you won't be spending money, arguing with anyone, saying anything offensive to anyone, bothering anyone, watching mindless TV, or fiddling with computer games.

And that my friends, is my little treatise on "being with Jesus".

Hope you enjoyed yourself....now get off of your computer and GO BE WITH HIM ! :)