I really want to be holy. I think I am on the right path, but after all my many years as a Christian, a Catholic one in particular, I still find that I am on the beginning of the path. THE WAY, as it used to be called.
Many days it seems that I take two steps forward and one step back. Other days it is like I am standing still. Even other days it is like I am sinking in quick sand. Some days, when things are going well, it is like I have wings and am flying.
I love those good days...the days when prayer is easy, the days when I feel so very close to my beloved Jesus. The days when all He has to do is whisper my name and He has my full attention. Other days He is probably calling me and I don't even hear His voice. Such is the human condition.
How did the saints do it? How did they shut out all of the distraction of the world and continue along the way God set before them? In my mind I am thinking that perhaps the difference was their prayer time - maybe it was the amount or the quality of their prayer time that mattered. Maybe they gave more of their time and attention to Jesus than other things. I don't know....but this is what I am wondering about tonight.
I will be sorely disappointed if, when I get to the pearly gates, and St. Peter says "Sorry, but Jesus doesn't know who you are." Disappointment isn't the right word - terrorized would be more like it. I do think though that Jesus knows how hard I try and he gives me an "A" for effort on most days. I am counting on His mercy and grace to get me to Heaven because I know I can't do it on my own accord.
But still, holiness seems so easy for some people to attain. Look at the holy priests we have in the world, and Pope John Paul II especially. He had a hard and busy life, but he was a deep thinker and maybe that was a good thing. I have a feeling that his interior life must have been incredibly rich. Other people know right away at a young age that they have a vocation to the priesthood or religious life. Other "good Catholics" like myself seem to go back and forth and never seem to get anywhere.
I went on several "Come and see" weekends in my life and the answer always seemed to come out to "no". Even after the "no" though, I still wonder who God wants me to become. Am I misreading what he is calling me to do? Am I unknowingly putting up an incredible amount of obstacles between me and Jesus?
I remember many many times in my life when I was "in" God's will and I 100% knew it. Those were grand times. The Holy Spirit was so tangible and all I had to do was show up and things went smoothly. Now, as I mentioned yesterday, everything is a chore now. If I feel the Holy Spirit wants me to go "right" and I go, it turns out to be the wrong direction...if "Left" then it too is the wrong direction. So right now I am sort of standing still. I am invoking St. Michael and my guardian angel Matthew to get me through this time of assault and purification.
Needless to say, I am sharing way too much in this post. TMI for you, I know. But hey, I don't even know who YOU are, or even IF you are. Still, I write because it is what needs to be done right now, I guess.
Did you hear that Brother Andre from Montreal is going to be a saint? I think that is cool. I went to St. Joseph's oratory once in Montreal. I think it was 1989 and boy, I had a very special experience up there. Those were the days.
Brother Andre, please pray for me - a grain of sand, trod upon by ugly feet, wishing to become someone Jesus can use. If Mother Teresa longed to be a pencil in God's hand, and became a mighty pen, I can't even long or hope to be a pencil. She is so holy and so wonderful and so selfless. Perhaps I can just be a speck of sand that will cling to someone who will be a pencil in God's hand, and in doing so I might catch a glimpse of the work of God by standing next to a great saint of tomorrow. That would actually be good enough for me - if I could help someone else become a saint - to help mold or encourage someone. I LIKE THAT IDEA. If I can't become a saint I can help someone else become a saint. Hmmmm....I'll have to ponder that some more.
But right now it is time for night prayers and to try and sleep. I've had so much insomnia lately....
Aug 30, 2010
Aug 29, 2010
Late night thoughts
I am just one person on the planet. I have a brain that I try and use frequently. I try to make the right decisions. I try to live according to God's will for my life and try to discern things prayerfully. I try and seek out answers to my questions from knowledgeable people. I try to be nice to everyone.
In all the above areas I fall short. No matter how hard I try it just isn't enough. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. Other people frustrate me too sometimes. I went to confession on Friday. That did help,but still I have questions.
Sometimes I wonder, if someone truly wants to do God's will and is sincere in all their actions, thoughts, and prayers....then why doesn't the Holy Spirit act powerfully in his/her life? What more is the person supposed to do in order to truly live God's will ?
The psalms state that (paraphrase) my soul longs for thee like a deer longs for running water.....that is what my soul is like. Longing for more of Jesus. I pray. I try to trust. I do all that I mentioned above, yet I am reminded that God's ways are not mine and His mind is much bigger than mine. He, and only He, knows the reasons for the things I'm going through right now. He, and only He, knows why he is not choosing to use me at this moment. I am like a fallow field baking in the hot sun. I am like a parched desert, cracked and arid.
I will continue to wait and pray. I will continue to try and do what I feel is right. I will continue to beg Jesus to make Himself known to me, and to all the world. I truly want to "have life and have it abundantly" as Jesus has promised. But I don't know what I am missing in order to have that life. (I know that doesn't mean material things...).
Oh well, what can I say ? I will go to bed, wake up tomorrow and try my best. I pray that the world will someday accept me for who I am. That is a strange comment, isn't it? I typed it and then decided it was strange. Who am I? I used to know. Now, in this transition phase, I am unsure. I'm not going to worry about it now. It is late and I have to go to bed because I am exhausted.
In all the above areas I fall short. No matter how hard I try it just isn't enough. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. Other people frustrate me too sometimes. I went to confession on Friday. That did help,but still I have questions.
Sometimes I wonder, if someone truly wants to do God's will and is sincere in all their actions, thoughts, and prayers....then why doesn't the Holy Spirit act powerfully in his/her life? What more is the person supposed to do in order to truly live God's will ?
The psalms state that (paraphrase) my soul longs for thee like a deer longs for running water.....that is what my soul is like. Longing for more of Jesus. I pray. I try to trust. I do all that I mentioned above, yet I am reminded that God's ways are not mine and His mind is much bigger than mine. He, and only He, knows the reasons for the things I'm going through right now. He, and only He, knows why he is not choosing to use me at this moment. I am like a fallow field baking in the hot sun. I am like a parched desert, cracked and arid.
I will continue to wait and pray. I will continue to try and do what I feel is right. I will continue to beg Jesus to make Himself known to me, and to all the world. I truly want to "have life and have it abundantly" as Jesus has promised. But I don't know what I am missing in order to have that life. (I know that doesn't mean material things...).
Oh well, what can I say ? I will go to bed, wake up tomorrow and try my best. I pray that the world will someday accept me for who I am. That is a strange comment, isn't it? I typed it and then decided it was strange. Who am I? I used to know. Now, in this transition phase, I am unsure. I'm not going to worry about it now. It is late and I have to go to bed because I am exhausted.
Aug 25, 2010
Tabernacle thoughts
Dear Jesus;
As you know, I was in my little Catholic Church today. I only stayed about 20 minutes I think because I was sort of crunched for time. But still you were there waiting for my visit.
I loved the images that came into my mind while I was there in my pew spot. I imagined the tabernacle opening while I was there and that ocean waves of grace were pouring out towards me. The "waves" were also "wind" and filled with sparkles, and all sorts of wonderful things.... and it was endless.
I don't know how good I did at opening my heart to you at that time because my mind was rather scattered, but I remember that image of the graces pouring out.
It is sure a far cry from what I used to imagine when I was a child. The nuns who taught me catechism used to tell me that Jesus lived in the tabernacle, so for many years, when the priest would open up the tabernacle at communion time, I would try and see passed him and into the tabernacle to see you. I would imagine that inside the tabernacle, it was sort of like a little doll house with your pint sized furniture - a little couch for you, a little chair, a little kitchen ! Really ! As a little girl I loved my doll house and since you lived in your own little "doll house" in church, that is what I imagined it would be like.
Yep...things do change as we get grow in years and faith! You definitely live there, but I've since had the chance to see a tabernacle "up close and personal" many times and there is no furniture in there!
Good night Jesus!
As you know, I was in my little Catholic Church today. I only stayed about 20 minutes I think because I was sort of crunched for time. But still you were there waiting for my visit.
I loved the images that came into my mind while I was there in my pew spot. I imagined the tabernacle opening while I was there and that ocean waves of grace were pouring out towards me. The "waves" were also "wind" and filled with sparkles, and all sorts of wonderful things.... and it was endless.
I don't know how good I did at opening my heart to you at that time because my mind was rather scattered, but I remember that image of the graces pouring out.
It is sure a far cry from what I used to imagine when I was a child. The nuns who taught me catechism used to tell me that Jesus lived in the tabernacle, so for many years, when the priest would open up the tabernacle at communion time, I would try and see passed him and into the tabernacle to see you. I would imagine that inside the tabernacle, it was sort of like a little doll house with your pint sized furniture - a little couch for you, a little chair, a little kitchen ! Really ! As a little girl I loved my doll house and since you lived in your own little "doll house" in church, that is what I imagined it would be like.
Yep...things do change as we get grow in years and faith! You definitely live there, but I've since had the chance to see a tabernacle "up close and personal" many times and there is no furniture in there!
Good night Jesus!
Aug 22, 2010
Jesus' violinist
I think it was Abe Lincoln who said "The Lord must have loved ordinary people because he made so many of them."
I'm watching a show on TV now of violinist performing a concert. He is the center of attention. All the thousands of people in the audience came to see him.
Not many of us get the chance to be someone special in this world. Most of us just go through our lives without any notoriety or special attention. Maybe that is why some people get so excited just to have their face on the TV screen for a split second. Maybe it makes them feel like somebody special.
I supposed being treated so special can go to one's head. Maybe that is why celebrities who lose their fame can resort to drugs and alcohol because they have found their life's meaning in the spotlight and once the light is gone, perhaps they think they are not somebody anymore.
I wonder how many celebrities, or any popular person, are aware of the great gift they have in being somebody, and being loved, in the eyes of other people on the planet. I hear celebrities complain about not being able to go out in public and be anonymous because they are always recognized, all the while not realizing the fact that they should be thankful because people know who they are and love them.
Most of us anonymous people in the world will never know what it is like to be somebody special. There are blessings to being anonymous too I suppose, the most important being that someone can go anywhere and not be bothered if they don't want to be.
Then my mind moves to think about how Jesus still would have come to earth and died for even one small anonymous person. Jesus thought we were each a somebody and worth what He did to save us. In Jesus' mind each of us is that famous violinist and the center of His attention. No matter how small and useless the rest of the world might deem us to be, Jesus thinks otherwise.
I know that to be TRUTH, but personally I must say that I sometimes have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that Jesus thought I was so important that I was worth dying for. I may never understand the depths of His love. I know myself and I know how often I mess up and how often I fall short of the glory of God. Yet, as Scripture says, "while we were still sinners" He came to us. I so appreciate the fact that Jesus loves me.
I hope someday to have an inkling of why he thinks I am so special for I do not deserve the Goodness of who He is, but I am so grateful because without His love and forgiveness I would be damned for all eternity.
I'm watching a show on TV now of violinist performing a concert. He is the center of attention. All the thousands of people in the audience came to see him.
Not many of us get the chance to be someone special in this world. Most of us just go through our lives without any notoriety or special attention. Maybe that is why some people get so excited just to have their face on the TV screen for a split second. Maybe it makes them feel like somebody special.
I supposed being treated so special can go to one's head. Maybe that is why celebrities who lose their fame can resort to drugs and alcohol because they have found their life's meaning in the spotlight and once the light is gone, perhaps they think they are not somebody anymore.
I wonder how many celebrities, or any popular person, are aware of the great gift they have in being somebody, and being loved, in the eyes of other people on the planet. I hear celebrities complain about not being able to go out in public and be anonymous because they are always recognized, all the while not realizing the fact that they should be thankful because people know who they are and love them.
Most of us anonymous people in the world will never know what it is like to be somebody special. There are blessings to being anonymous too I suppose, the most important being that someone can go anywhere and not be bothered if they don't want to be.
Then my mind moves to think about how Jesus still would have come to earth and died for even one small anonymous person. Jesus thought we were each a somebody and worth what He did to save us. In Jesus' mind each of us is that famous violinist and the center of His attention. No matter how small and useless the rest of the world might deem us to be, Jesus thinks otherwise.
I know that to be TRUTH, but personally I must say that I sometimes have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that Jesus thought I was so important that I was worth dying for. I may never understand the depths of His love. I know myself and I know how often I mess up and how often I fall short of the glory of God. Yet, as Scripture says, "while we were still sinners" He came to us. I so appreciate the fact that Jesus loves me.
I hope someday to have an inkling of why he thinks I am so special for I do not deserve the Goodness of who He is, but I am so grateful because without His love and forgiveness I would be damned for all eternity.
Aug 21, 2010
Thankfully Dogs don't speak Latin
I have two things I want to say in my blog this morning:
1. I survived Latin Mass # 14 this morning. Thought I was going to have an anxiety attack during the prayers before communion section though. I have so many questions and can't find the answers to them. I have spent so much time and energy trying to understand and learn about this style of Mass and I am still having difficulties. I feel quite alone in this process. It usually takes me two hours to recuperate from a Latin Mass.
2. I know why God created animals / pets. Because he knew people were not going to be truly capable of unconditional love so our pets provide that for us. When people fail us, as they often will, we can always count on the unconditional company, love, and acceptance of our furry friends. Any pet owner, or lover of pets, will tell you that.
These are my morning thoughts. Now it is time for tea and to go see one of God's gifts to me: a little dog. We are going to take a nice walk.I understand dog language a whole lot more than Latin. Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa. I know, it is always mea culpa.
Have a blessed day. Pray for me. I pray for you - whoever you are.
1. I survived Latin Mass # 14 this morning. Thought I was going to have an anxiety attack during the prayers before communion section though. I have so many questions and can't find the answers to them. I have spent so much time and energy trying to understand and learn about this style of Mass and I am still having difficulties. I feel quite alone in this process. It usually takes me two hours to recuperate from a Latin Mass.
2. I know why God created animals / pets. Because he knew people were not going to be truly capable of unconditional love so our pets provide that for us. When people fail us, as they often will, we can always count on the unconditional company, love, and acceptance of our furry friends. Any pet owner, or lover of pets, will tell you that.
These are my morning thoughts. Now it is time for tea and to go see one of God's gifts to me: a little dog. We are going to take a nice walk.I understand dog language a whole lot more than Latin. Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa. Mea Culpa. I know, it is always mea culpa.
Have a blessed day. Pray for me. I pray for you - whoever you are.
Aug 20, 2010
Late summer thoughts on prayer
This evening I was walking a dog and thinking. I was thinking about prayer. I was thinking how prayer has two directions: inward and outward.
The inward direction is God pouring his grace and presence into us when we are open in prayer. It is the self-reflective direction where we take a good look at our souls and present it to God. It is the dialogue between us and Jesus.
The outward direction is what happens when we take that prayer time and reach out. It is the living out of our prayers. It is taking that grace and presence that God has given to us and sharing it with the world.
The two directions are sort of like the eb and flow of the ocean's tide: they work in tandem to create waves and movement in the water. So too does the eb and flow of prayer create waves in the world.
This is what I was thinking in between paying attention to the dog, giving her treats, looking at the sky, and participating in the early evening God gave me.
These are just my thoughts and I toss them out to the entire cyber world to think about. I should have been thinking of more practical things like my weekend grocery list and to do list, but that is where my mind went, so I followed it.
The inward direction is God pouring his grace and presence into us when we are open in prayer. It is the self-reflective direction where we take a good look at our souls and present it to God. It is the dialogue between us and Jesus.
The outward direction is what happens when we take that prayer time and reach out. It is the living out of our prayers. It is taking that grace and presence that God has given to us and sharing it with the world.
The two directions are sort of like the eb and flow of the ocean's tide: they work in tandem to create waves and movement in the water. So too does the eb and flow of prayer create waves in the world.
This is what I was thinking in between paying attention to the dog, giving her treats, looking at the sky, and participating in the early evening God gave me.
These are just my thoughts and I toss them out to the entire cyber world to think about. I should have been thinking of more practical things like my weekend grocery list and to do list, but that is where my mind went, so I followed it.
Aug 19, 2010
Making your own private prayer place
I just came from my own private prayer place - my own little chapel (of sorts). In my little house I have some very basic, unfinished space upstairs. It has that "upper room" quality to it. I always wanted my own little chapel so in the last month or so I finally got around to making one.
My chapel is very rustic, but it serves the purpose. Now, don't get me wrong, my very faorite place is still in the third row in front of the Tabernacle at my Catholic Church. However, lately, due to how I've been feeling and my schedule, I haven't gotten down there as often. So my little personal chapel serves as a good alternative.
I especially like to go up to my chapel after dark. The two (battery operated) candles have a soft glow. I have a picture of Jesus, my relic of St. Pius X, my St. Therese statue, a cross, an old picture of St. Michael, and a few other little things. I have a kneeler too. It is very quaint.
Tonight, it is warm, so I had the window open. I could hear the crickets,and felt the soft breeze of the fan I turned on. All else, was quiet. It was soooooooooo nice.
If you haven't already made your own special prayer place in your house or apartment, please do so. It is such a blessing..... I just wanted to share that tonight.
My chapel is very rustic, but it serves the purpose. Now, don't get me wrong, my very faorite place is still in the third row in front of the Tabernacle at my Catholic Church. However, lately, due to how I've been feeling and my schedule, I haven't gotten down there as often. So my little personal chapel serves as a good alternative.
I especially like to go up to my chapel after dark. The two (battery operated) candles have a soft glow. I have a picture of Jesus, my relic of St. Pius X, my St. Therese statue, a cross, an old picture of St. Michael, and a few other little things. I have a kneeler too. It is very quaint.
Tonight, it is warm, so I had the window open. I could hear the crickets,and felt the soft breeze of the fan I turned on. All else, was quiet. It was soooooooooo nice.
If you haven't already made your own special prayer place in your house or apartment, please do so. It is such a blessing..... I just wanted to share that tonight.
Aug 15, 2010
Lord, I am not worthy...
"Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."
Say the word Jesus. Please, say the word.
Say the word Jesus. Please, say the word.
Aug 10, 2010
Jesus is my co-pilot, and my handyman!
When I am really beside myself with home repairs in my little fixer upper I pray. Tonight I got home and it ws 83 degrees inside, so I turned on my central AC - one of the perks of saying yes to this house that needs so much work.
The AC did not go on. I waited and tried again. Nothing. I was bummed because the last thing I need is another expense if you know what I mean. So, I talked to Jesus and asked him to help me. I reminded Him that He and I were in this house together and that I needed his help. I also asked any saint in Heaven who knew anything about AC. I put my hand on the controls / thermostat thingamagig and prayed. I thought of having the faith of a mustard seed and how faith can move mountains. So surely it could move the AC to go on. And then I trusted.
I went into this room to turn on my computer and TA DA !!!! My AC kicked on !!!
So I thanked Jesus big time and said a "Lord's Prayer" and I am certainly " Cool and Catholic" at this very moment !
Call me goofy if you want but I don't care! I prayed. I trusted. Jesus blessed me. Need I say more? I don't think so !
The AC did not go on. I waited and tried again. Nothing. I was bummed because the last thing I need is another expense if you know what I mean. So, I talked to Jesus and asked him to help me. I reminded Him that He and I were in this house together and that I needed his help. I also asked any saint in Heaven who knew anything about AC. I put my hand on the controls / thermostat thingamagig and prayed. I thought of having the faith of a mustard seed and how faith can move mountains. So surely it could move the AC to go on. And then I trusted.
I went into this room to turn on my computer and TA DA !!!! My AC kicked on !!!
So I thanked Jesus big time and said a "Lord's Prayer" and I am certainly " Cool and Catholic" at this very moment !
Call me goofy if you want but I don't care! I prayed. I trusted. Jesus blessed me. Need I say more? I don't think so !
Aug 8, 2010
Fr. Gallagher's book
As I mentioned in one of my recent blogs, I'm reading a book called "Discernment of Spirits" by Fr. Gallagher, who was on a show on EWTN. I think it was the "Bookmark" show. Anyway, it is not exactly what you would think it is about from reading the title. It isn't about anything scary or diabolic per se. It is about our prayer life and our spiritual journey and how we have to learn to discern what is of God and what is not of God. It talks about the subtleties of the prayer life and how the Holy Spirit moves and how the evil spirit also tries to move. It is a really interesting book.
It talks about spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. Very good and helpful stuff for people interested in deepening their prayer life.
I've been reading this book for over a year now....I keep losing the book. LOL! But luckily I keep finding it too. It is one of those books with rather small print and I have to read a line, then think about it, then read some more. I have to underline things too. Sometimes I bring it with me to my little Catholic church and read it before the Blessed Sacrament. When I don't understand something, I just ask Jesus!
There is another one of his books that I bought too, but its name escapes me at this moment. Anyway, if you get your hands on this book, it is a good read.
Just try not to lose it!
Have a blessed night.
It talks about spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. Very good and helpful stuff for people interested in deepening their prayer life.
I've been reading this book for over a year now....I keep losing the book. LOL! But luckily I keep finding it too. It is one of those books with rather small print and I have to read a line, then think about it, then read some more. I have to underline things too. Sometimes I bring it with me to my little Catholic church and read it before the Blessed Sacrament. When I don't understand something, I just ask Jesus!
There is another one of his books that I bought too, but its name escapes me at this moment. Anyway, if you get your hands on this book, it is a good read.
Just try not to lose it!
Have a blessed night.
Aug 7, 2010
What's it all about Alfie?
Isn't it interesting how a person can be all alone even in a crowd? Sometimes a person doesn't feel alone when they are by themselves. But they really notice it when in the midst of a crowd.
Christianity calls us to be brothers and sisters in community....we are after all, the mystical body of Christ. So, why are so many people in the church alone? This is what I'm thinking about tonight. Are parishes too big ? Are families so private that they don't notice that some of the people in their parishes are alone and don't feel like part of the community?
51% of Americans are supposedly single due to divorce or because they are widowed, or because they have never married. 51%. That is a lot. Yet most homilies don't address this. Yes, we have to be focused on family because that is what God wants us to be - a family, but the reality is that families have been in crisis for years.
What are parishes doing to foster a sense of family and community? Yes, we all go to Mass and we all sit under one roof, and we all give the superficial sign of peace when it is time. But after Mass, everyone gets up and leaves. Families stick together. People in established cliques within the parish greet each other. But look further...there are people in the church that get up and leave without anyone noticing.
The Catholic church, as wonderful as it is, and as much as it contains the fullness of Truth, is not great at being a very friendly church, at least in America. This is one reason that people leave the church and why a lot of the little non-denominational churches are filled with disgruntled Catholics. The little churches know how to be friendly and know how to welcome. Imagine if we Catholics were as loving and warm and welcoming COMBINED with the Fullness of Truth - we would have an awesome communtiy and we would change the world very quickly. This is what I think anyway.
So how are we going to fix this? This is my quandry. I want to help fix it. But right now I am one who is not feeling like part of the community. I am just waiting and praying. I have no power. I have no official helping role. I am outside of the circle looking in. As I write this, I don't have the guts to step out and be my usual friendly self within my own parish, for reasons I won't go into here. I am working on it and I think that soon I will have my courage back. I am feeling stronger every week. But for now I sit and talk to my beloved Jesus, Mary, the saints, the angels, and I wait and I pray. I'm trusting that Jesus will work it out and give me the grace I need to make a difference - to bloom where I am planted, as they say.
Maybe Jesus doesn't want me to do anything but sit in the pews for a while? Maybe he wants me to be "fallow land" for a couple of seasons. I am trying to be patient. I see so many needs and I have so many ideas and I can do so much. But for some reason, I have to wait, so I am.
Time will tell. Maybe a real parish family will never happen for me. Maybe I will just have to sit on the sidelines for the rest of my life - without a bio family or a parish family. I guess if that is what happens it is God's will and I have to lift up all the feelings around this and be accepting. Maybe this is how God is going to make me a saint? But, regardless, I will always have my Heavenly family around me when I pray. Since they are the ones I will be with in Heaven ( hopefully I will go there someday ), I guess it is good to hang out with them now, as well as later.
So, these are my thoughts for tonight. I don't mean them to be depressing, but it is just what is going through my mind tonight. It is an interesting church topic and personal topic for me.
Christianity calls us to be brothers and sisters in community....we are after all, the mystical body of Christ. So, why are so many people in the church alone? This is what I'm thinking about tonight. Are parishes too big ? Are families so private that they don't notice that some of the people in their parishes are alone and don't feel like part of the community?
51% of Americans are supposedly single due to divorce or because they are widowed, or because they have never married. 51%. That is a lot. Yet most homilies don't address this. Yes, we have to be focused on family because that is what God wants us to be - a family, but the reality is that families have been in crisis for years.
What are parishes doing to foster a sense of family and community? Yes, we all go to Mass and we all sit under one roof, and we all give the superficial sign of peace when it is time. But after Mass, everyone gets up and leaves. Families stick together. People in established cliques within the parish greet each other. But look further...there are people in the church that get up and leave without anyone noticing.
The Catholic church, as wonderful as it is, and as much as it contains the fullness of Truth, is not great at being a very friendly church, at least in America. This is one reason that people leave the church and why a lot of the little non-denominational churches are filled with disgruntled Catholics. The little churches know how to be friendly and know how to welcome. Imagine if we Catholics were as loving and warm and welcoming COMBINED with the Fullness of Truth - we would have an awesome communtiy and we would change the world very quickly. This is what I think anyway.
So how are we going to fix this? This is my quandry. I want to help fix it. But right now I am one who is not feeling like part of the community. I am just waiting and praying. I have no power. I have no official helping role. I am outside of the circle looking in. As I write this, I don't have the guts to step out and be my usual friendly self within my own parish, for reasons I won't go into here. I am working on it and I think that soon I will have my courage back. I am feeling stronger every week. But for now I sit and talk to my beloved Jesus, Mary, the saints, the angels, and I wait and I pray. I'm trusting that Jesus will work it out and give me the grace I need to make a difference - to bloom where I am planted, as they say.
Maybe Jesus doesn't want me to do anything but sit in the pews for a while? Maybe he wants me to be "fallow land" for a couple of seasons. I am trying to be patient. I see so many needs and I have so many ideas and I can do so much. But for some reason, I have to wait, so I am.
Time will tell. Maybe a real parish family will never happen for me. Maybe I will just have to sit on the sidelines for the rest of my life - without a bio family or a parish family. I guess if that is what happens it is God's will and I have to lift up all the feelings around this and be accepting. Maybe this is how God is going to make me a saint? But, regardless, I will always have my Heavenly family around me when I pray. Since they are the ones I will be with in Heaven ( hopefully I will go there someday ), I guess it is good to hang out with them now, as well as later.
So, these are my thoughts for tonight. I don't mean them to be depressing, but it is just what is going through my mind tonight. It is an interesting church topic and personal topic for me.
Aug 6, 2010
T.G.I.F.
Thank God it is Friday. It has been " a week ", as they say. Not that my weekend will be anymore interesting, fun, or relaxing, but it will just be different. I work almost all the time. It is pathetic. I always have a project, or commitment. What I don't have, at least this summer, is fun. Just work. Sometimes I feel like a work horse. It would be nice to have a little luxury every now and then. I'm not talking about materialism and stuff like that. I'm talking more about some real rejuvenating relaxation, some great conversations and great meals with interesting people, a little traveling...things like that. Gosh, even a friendly hug would be nice.
But instead, most days it is the same old stuff - work. work. clean. work on the fixer upper. Pay bills. work some more. At least I have Mass and prayer. Speaking of which, tomorrow is Latin Mass # 13 and I'm already worried about trying to get through it without crying. I really want to understand it - and I am trying like there is no tomorrow. That is also work. I'm counting on the fact that Jesus will bless me somehow for my efforts. I'm praying for infused knowledge and understanding. It takes me about 2 hours to recuperate from a Latin Mass. I don't want to be negative about it. I am just confused and I need a "Latin mass tutor" and there is nobody to be found who is either available or interested.
Oh well, at least it is Friday and I have two days of different types of activities ahead of me. I can't even sleep in. Sigh.... I'm reading a cool book called "Discernment of Spirits" by Fr. Gallagher. He was on EWTN and he directed a retreat I was on. It is a very interesting book.
That is all for tonight.
But instead, most days it is the same old stuff - work. work. clean. work on the fixer upper. Pay bills. work some more. At least I have Mass and prayer. Speaking of which, tomorrow is Latin Mass # 13 and I'm already worried about trying to get through it without crying. I really want to understand it - and I am trying like there is no tomorrow. That is also work. I'm counting on the fact that Jesus will bless me somehow for my efforts. I'm praying for infused knowledge and understanding. It takes me about 2 hours to recuperate from a Latin Mass. I don't want to be negative about it. I am just confused and I need a "Latin mass tutor" and there is nobody to be found who is either available or interested.
Oh well, at least it is Friday and I have two days of different types of activities ahead of me. I can't even sleep in. Sigh.... I'm reading a cool book called "Discernment of Spirits" by Fr. Gallagher. He was on EWTN and he directed a retreat I was on. It is a very interesting book.
That is all for tonight.
Aug 5, 2010
Pew Pondering
I do a lot of thinking in the third pew in front of the Tabernacle. I know I can bring whatever is on my mind and in my heart to Jesus and He will guide me. Sometimes I try not to think. I try to just "be". That can be difficult. In years past I was very good at BE-ing with Jesus. But to be honest, it has been a few months since I've been able to enter into that sacred part of prayer. Lately I've been trying to get back to BE-ing.
So today I just sat in the quiet of my little Catholic church and tried to BE. After about 25 minutes or so it happened. I was BE-ing. Ahhhh..... I just sat in the quiet, knowing I was in the presence of the one and only Jesus Christ, and I did a decent job of not thinking of anything.
Soon, in my BE-ing I started to feel some peace. I really needed to feel peace today. The quiet around me was so thick and it felt like the angels were protecting me from distraction. Even though I was sitting in the pew I was as comfortable as being under a cozy quilt and it was a Heavenly rest. That wonderful experience lasted about 10 minutes or maybe a little less. Then my stomach reminded me that it was supper time and my BE-ing switched to thinking of what I would have to eat. Such are the trials of being human.
I can't wait to go back and perhaps I can be successfull with BE-ing again. We will have adoration tomorrow morning after Mass and I'm planning on staying for several minutes before I have to go to work. I pray God will grant me that peace in BE-ing once again.
So today I just sat in the quiet of my little Catholic church and tried to BE. After about 25 minutes or so it happened. I was BE-ing. Ahhhh..... I just sat in the quiet, knowing I was in the presence of the one and only Jesus Christ, and I did a decent job of not thinking of anything.
Soon, in my BE-ing I started to feel some peace. I really needed to feel peace today. The quiet around me was so thick and it felt like the angels were protecting me from distraction. Even though I was sitting in the pew I was as comfortable as being under a cozy quilt and it was a Heavenly rest. That wonderful experience lasted about 10 minutes or maybe a little less. Then my stomach reminded me that it was supper time and my BE-ing switched to thinking of what I would have to eat. Such are the trials of being human.
I can't wait to go back and perhaps I can be successfull with BE-ing again. We will have adoration tomorrow morning after Mass and I'm planning on staying for several minutes before I have to go to work. I pray God will grant me that peace in BE-ing once again.
Jul 29, 2010
Written in Stone
This year I purchased a grave site and I've been trying to figure out what I would like to put on the headstone. These are my thoughts...
...."Wait! I just forgot one thing!" (Because I'm always going back in the house after something.)
...."She really tried, and God honored that."
...."At least Jesus loved her."
...."Ready or not Jesus here I come! I hope my mansion is ready!"
...."Can someone open a window please?"
...."If you buried me in a dress I will haunt you."
...."Somebody please pray me out of Purgatory!"
....."She lived to her goal of 105!"
...."Wait! I just forgot one thing!" (Because I'm always going back in the house after something.)
...."She really tried, and God honored that."
...."At least Jesus loved her."
...."Ready or not Jesus here I come! I hope my mansion is ready!"
...."Can someone open a window please?"
...."If you buried me in a dress I will haunt you."
...."Somebody please pray me out of Purgatory!"
....."She lived to her goal of 105!"
Jul 28, 2010
Daily surprises
It is only Wednesday and so far this week I've talked to a variety of people.
I've talked to someone who recently got out of jail for domestic violence. I talked to a few children who have been sexually and physically abused and neglected. I've talked to well educated people. I've talked to an autistic boy whose main concern is watching the beginning of videos and playing them repeatedly. I've talked to a woman whose relative is close to death. I've talked to an 11 year old who has been so abused and neglected that she trusts nobody on the planet. I've also talked to a few arrogant people and people with bad attitudes. I've hugged and comforted a few crying children. I've spent some time crying myself, and praying.
On the flip side, I watched just born monarch butterflies released into nature, flying high and free. I've seen two miniature horses brighten the day of several small children. I've seen a 20 month old screech with delight and wave "bye bye" as he was getting ready for a nap. I've walked a dog whose mere presence makes me smile. A friend helped me out this week. I've felt a nice cool breeze coming in my window in the very early hours of the morning. I heard a song I liked on the local Christian radio station. I've received the body and blood of Jesus at Mass.
All this, and it is only the very end of Wednesday. It just goes to show you that you never know what is going to happen after you get out of bed in the morning.
I've talked to someone who recently got out of jail for domestic violence. I talked to a few children who have been sexually and physically abused and neglected. I've talked to well educated people. I've talked to an autistic boy whose main concern is watching the beginning of videos and playing them repeatedly. I've talked to a woman whose relative is close to death. I've talked to an 11 year old who has been so abused and neglected that she trusts nobody on the planet. I've also talked to a few arrogant people and people with bad attitudes. I've hugged and comforted a few crying children. I've spent some time crying myself, and praying.
On the flip side, I watched just born monarch butterflies released into nature, flying high and free. I've seen two miniature horses brighten the day of several small children. I've seen a 20 month old screech with delight and wave "bye bye" as he was getting ready for a nap. I've walked a dog whose mere presence makes me smile. A friend helped me out this week. I've felt a nice cool breeze coming in my window in the very early hours of the morning. I heard a song I liked on the local Christian radio station. I've received the body and blood of Jesus at Mass.
All this, and it is only the very end of Wednesday. It just goes to show you that you never know what is going to happen after you get out of bed in the morning.
Jul 27, 2010
Swimming through cement
Being a christian, especially a Catholic christian, in 2010 is like swimming through cement.
The secular world presses hard against those trying to be authentic christians. There are so many struggles. So many obstacles. It is truly like swimming through cement.
Today I am hearing more about God's grace. I think the Holy Spirit is presenting the topic of grace for me to take to my prayer and reflection time.
I can't do anything without God's grace. With God's grace I can do anything I am called to do.
What is He calling me to do? What does He want to equip me with to stand firm against the assaults against me? Am I hearing God's voice correctly? These are the questions I am thinking about lately.
I am swimming through cement, but thank God that Jesus is my life guard. He won't let me drown, and if need be, He will walk out onto the water to save me if I start to go under.
Come Holy Spirit. Teach me more about your grace.
The secular world presses hard against those trying to be authentic christians. There are so many struggles. So many obstacles. It is truly like swimming through cement.
Today I am hearing more about God's grace. I think the Holy Spirit is presenting the topic of grace for me to take to my prayer and reflection time.
I can't do anything without God's grace. With God's grace I can do anything I am called to do.
What is He calling me to do? What does He want to equip me with to stand firm against the assaults against me? Am I hearing God's voice correctly? These are the questions I am thinking about lately.
I am swimming through cement, but thank God that Jesus is my life guard. He won't let me drown, and if need be, He will walk out onto the water to save me if I start to go under.
Come Holy Spirit. Teach me more about your grace.
Jul 23, 2010
Our Global Recession - not just financial
The world has gotten itself into a global recession. I've noticed lately that it is not just a financial recession, but a spiritual, emotional, and moral one as well. People are hurting and suffering and are confused on so many levels.
We need to get our multi-continental acts together. To me that means we need to have a gigantic individual and collective conversion experience, so I pray,
COME HOLY SPIRIT.
RENEW YOUR PEOPLE ON EARTH.
SOFTEN OUR HEARTS.
MAKE NEW OUR SPIRITS.
DRAW US CLOSE TO YOU.
MAKE US AWARE OF OUR SINFULNESS
AND MOVE US TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.
AMEN.
These are my thoughts this night.
We need to get our multi-continental acts together. To me that means we need to have a gigantic individual and collective conversion experience, so I pray,
COME HOLY SPIRIT.
RENEW YOUR PEOPLE ON EARTH.
SOFTEN OUR HEARTS.
MAKE NEW OUR SPIRITS.
DRAW US CLOSE TO YOU.
MAKE US AWARE OF OUR SINFULNESS
AND MOVE US TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.
AMEN.
These are my thoughts this night.
Jul 21, 2010
Today I saw the suffering Christ......again
Today, once again, I had the opportunity to sit and minister to the suffering Christ.
Tonight I am writing to share my experience of how this ministering is affecting me and who I am and who I am becoming as a result of it.
It is a very disheartening thing for me to see a small child in such emotional pain. This small child is going through some rough things due to the abuse he has suffered in his short life.
To see his face crunch up in terror and emotional overload makes me want to jump in and rescue him. I try. We all do. But today, after his episode was over and he collapsed on the floor in a ball and just wept, crying out for his "mommy" in an exhausted, weak sort of way, all I could do was talk reassuringly to him, rub his back, and gently wash his face with a cool washcloth. He eventually sat up and was able to hear my voice, make eye contact, and move on with his day.
To see children every day who through most of the day appear like normal, healthy, silly children, then suddenly become terrorized due to some hazy memory of being sexually abused, or hit, or abandoned, or not fed, or neglected can sometimes be very very hard.
This is one of the main reasons I go to church so often. I have to bring these things I see to Jesus and I have to let his Grace flow over me and strengthen me for the next day. It is the only way I can make sense out of what I see each day through my work. It helps me see that the children I try to help each day are really my suffering Jesus in disguise.
The sad part for me is that every single day, in some form, I see Jesus being crucified and sometimes I don't see resurrections, only the sad parts. Then I think of the future these little ones will probably have and it can sometimes be overwhelming.
Still, the call is there...."whatsover you do, you do to me" - "he who receives a child receives me.".....
I can't ignore their cries because then I would be ignoring Jesus who is my everything.
Tonight I am writing to share my experience of how this ministering is affecting me and who I am and who I am becoming as a result of it.
It is a very disheartening thing for me to see a small child in such emotional pain. This small child is going through some rough things due to the abuse he has suffered in his short life.
To see his face crunch up in terror and emotional overload makes me want to jump in and rescue him. I try. We all do. But today, after his episode was over and he collapsed on the floor in a ball and just wept, crying out for his "mommy" in an exhausted, weak sort of way, all I could do was talk reassuringly to him, rub his back, and gently wash his face with a cool washcloth. He eventually sat up and was able to hear my voice, make eye contact, and move on with his day.
To see children every day who through most of the day appear like normal, healthy, silly children, then suddenly become terrorized due to some hazy memory of being sexually abused, or hit, or abandoned, or not fed, or neglected can sometimes be very very hard.
This is one of the main reasons I go to church so often. I have to bring these things I see to Jesus and I have to let his Grace flow over me and strengthen me for the next day. It is the only way I can make sense out of what I see each day through my work. It helps me see that the children I try to help each day are really my suffering Jesus in disguise.
The sad part for me is that every single day, in some form, I see Jesus being crucified and sometimes I don't see resurrections, only the sad parts. Then I think of the future these little ones will probably have and it can sometimes be overwhelming.
Still, the call is there...."whatsover you do, you do to me" - "he who receives a child receives me.".....
I can't ignore their cries because then I would be ignoring Jesus who is my everything.
Jul 19, 2010
The all knowing Shepherd
The Mass covers a whole range of issues that touch humanity:
Anxiety....have you ever felt it?
a bad feeling in the heart's core
that travels through nerves,
toppling reason,
pushing adrenalin through every vein.
A slow steady interior shaking
that escalates until tears eek out.
Sometimes irrational thoughts and words spill out
upon the world
causing embarrasment and regret
Anxiety.....
a self-sabotaging emotion
that crushes confidence and enjoyment,
and pushes the true God-created person
into a tizzy.
It creates self-doubt, worry, and fear to creep in.
"Protect us from all anxiety as we wait
in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ."
Jesus knows his sheep. Everything we need is in the Mass. Amazing.
Let us all sleep in peace. Free of anxiety and with dreams full of hope for a better tomorrow.
Anxiety....have you ever felt it?
a bad feeling in the heart's core
that travels through nerves,
toppling reason,
pushing adrenalin through every vein.
A slow steady interior shaking
that escalates until tears eek out.
Sometimes irrational thoughts and words spill out
upon the world
causing embarrasment and regret
Anxiety.....
a self-sabotaging emotion
that crushes confidence and enjoyment,
and pushes the true God-created person
into a tizzy.
It creates self-doubt, worry, and fear to creep in.
"Protect us from all anxiety as we wait
in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ."
Jesus knows his sheep. Everything we need is in the Mass. Amazing.
Let us all sleep in peace. Free of anxiety and with dreams full of hope for a better tomorrow.
Jul 18, 2010
A New Mass Experience
There is "saying Mass" and then there is "praying Mass". That is what I think anyway....
Today I participated in a Mass where the presider, a bishop, spoke every word of the Mass with heart, intention, sincerity, focus, depth of meaning, in total love and trust of God, and with pastoral care for the people gathered in the church. I was astounded. Plus he seemed filled with joy and contentment.
I observed a new depth of holiness today. Thank you Jesus.
I have been to many awesome liturgies in my life (they are each awesome in their own way because of what the Mass is), but this one really touched my soul due to the holiness of the bishop who presided. Oh, he also had wisdom. End of my thoughts for tonight.
Today I participated in a Mass where the presider, a bishop, spoke every word of the Mass with heart, intention, sincerity, focus, depth of meaning, in total love and trust of God, and with pastoral care for the people gathered in the church. I was astounded. Plus he seemed filled with joy and contentment.
I observed a new depth of holiness today. Thank you Jesus.
I have been to many awesome liturgies in my life (they are each awesome in their own way because of what the Mass is), but this one really touched my soul due to the holiness of the bishop who presided. Oh, he also had wisdom. End of my thoughts for tonight.
Jul 16, 2010
The Art of Quieting the Soul
My thoughts tonight stem from my prayer time this afternoon. After work I went into my cute little Catholic church. I knelt before the tabernacle and let the memories and hectic schedule of my day flow out of my heart and mind and into the House of God.
It takes about 20 minutes for me to settle down before I can do any serious prayer. Even then sometimes it can be a challenge to speak to Jesus in a focused manner. Thoughts still pop in and out of my mind: what I will have for supper, what I will do for the rest of the day, if I will fall asleep easy tonight, what do I have to do tomorrow, and lately, what I'm anxious about, etc...
Then I start talking a lot to Jesus and spilling everything out of me. I pray for lots of things, which I will not reveal here in my blog. That is between me and Jesus. Sometimes I basically stop there and end my prayer. Tonight I caught myself and realized that here I was giving Jesus an earful and didn't listen to him in return.
Sometimes it is hard to quiet my soul enough to just listen and "be" with Him. Today I am looking forward to creating some time, perhaps on Sunday afternoon, when I can have a big chunk of time to go and sit with Jesus and get to that place of super quietness. The place where my mind isn't racing and I invite the Holy Spirit to come. For me sometimes I have to wait on the Lord for quite some time. Oh, he is there, but it takes such a long while to quiet my soul down so I can hear His still small voice.
I think one of the big tips on how to quiet your soul is to take ample time to wait in silence. Another thing that works for me is to see an image of Jesus in my mind or to ask the saints and angels and Mary to pray for me.
Sometimes I have to wait a really long time. Sometimes even months, but other times almost no time at all goes by and I am in my "Jesus Zone". He takes it from there.
One thing I want to say is that it is really a struggle to quiet the soul enough. Our world is so crazy and we really have to work at carving out time to discipline ourselves. It is hard to wait. It is hard to be silent sometimes. Sometimes it can be downright frustrating beause you think why wouldn't Jesus just show up when he has a willing creature sitting right there waiting.
I think Jesus makes us wait sometime so that we can practice the art of waiting and being still. We learn patience. We learn perceverence. We learn some discernment too. And I think in the waiting we show Jesus that we are serious about prayer and about wanting to connect with Him. We prove it to ourselves even more.
Quieting the Soul in today's world is very wierd indeed. From time to time when I bring up sitting in church and praying with say, a co-worker, they first look at me like I have two heads. Then they have a moment of admiration, and then they always say they could never do that. But that is defeatist. Of course they can. God made us to want Him and when people start getting in the habit of silence, they find it refreshing - almost like a good exercise workout, but different and better.
I won't go on and on about this. But if you are reading this little blog spot of mine and these words touch your soul in some way....take the challenge and carve out some quiet time for yourself and persevere. You see, Jesus wants to be with you so much and he wants you to make the silence so He can come and be with you. How can anyone pass up an invitation like that?
It takes about 20 minutes for me to settle down before I can do any serious prayer. Even then sometimes it can be a challenge to speak to Jesus in a focused manner. Thoughts still pop in and out of my mind: what I will have for supper, what I will do for the rest of the day, if I will fall asleep easy tonight, what do I have to do tomorrow, and lately, what I'm anxious about, etc...
Then I start talking a lot to Jesus and spilling everything out of me. I pray for lots of things, which I will not reveal here in my blog. That is between me and Jesus. Sometimes I basically stop there and end my prayer. Tonight I caught myself and realized that here I was giving Jesus an earful and didn't listen to him in return.
Sometimes it is hard to quiet my soul enough to just listen and "be" with Him. Today I am looking forward to creating some time, perhaps on Sunday afternoon, when I can have a big chunk of time to go and sit with Jesus and get to that place of super quietness. The place where my mind isn't racing and I invite the Holy Spirit to come. For me sometimes I have to wait on the Lord for quite some time. Oh, he is there, but it takes such a long while to quiet my soul down so I can hear His still small voice.
I think one of the big tips on how to quiet your soul is to take ample time to wait in silence. Another thing that works for me is to see an image of Jesus in my mind or to ask the saints and angels and Mary to pray for me.
Sometimes I have to wait a really long time. Sometimes even months, but other times almost no time at all goes by and I am in my "Jesus Zone". He takes it from there.
One thing I want to say is that it is really a struggle to quiet the soul enough. Our world is so crazy and we really have to work at carving out time to discipline ourselves. It is hard to wait. It is hard to be silent sometimes. Sometimes it can be downright frustrating beause you think why wouldn't Jesus just show up when he has a willing creature sitting right there waiting.
I think Jesus makes us wait sometime so that we can practice the art of waiting and being still. We learn patience. We learn perceverence. We learn some discernment too. And I think in the waiting we show Jesus that we are serious about prayer and about wanting to connect with Him. We prove it to ourselves even more.
Quieting the Soul in today's world is very wierd indeed. From time to time when I bring up sitting in church and praying with say, a co-worker, they first look at me like I have two heads. Then they have a moment of admiration, and then they always say they could never do that. But that is defeatist. Of course they can. God made us to want Him and when people start getting in the habit of silence, they find it refreshing - almost like a good exercise workout, but different and better.
I won't go on and on about this. But if you are reading this little blog spot of mine and these words touch your soul in some way....take the challenge and carve out some quiet time for yourself and persevere. You see, Jesus wants to be with you so much and he wants you to make the silence so He can come and be with you. How can anyone pass up an invitation like that?
Jul 10, 2010
The Catholic Way
I love being Catholic. I really do. I think being Catholic affects everything I do, or nearly everything.
My Catholic values and perspectives reflect in my life's choices. The teachings of the church guide my life. I love 99.9% of the Catholic Way of life. The only thing right now that I am struggling with, and hope to conquer someday, is the Latin Mass. I don't get it. But that is for another blog.
Tonight though, I am very pleased with the other 99.9% of Catholicism! Most of all of course, the Eucharist. Jesus remains so close to us in the Eucharist. Then we have all the heavenly angels and saints that help us. I bet sometimes we don't even know when we are getting some heavenly help by the angels and saints.
I am also grateful that God has given us holy priests to keep providing the Eucharist for us. We have to pray for our priests and for God to send us more.
I love the smell of incense. I love the sound of Church bells. I love all the colors in the liturgical year. I love the symbols of water, bread, wine, oil, etc.... I love the sacredness of the inside of a Catholic church. I love our rich history. I love the Bible. I love ordinary time and I love Holy Week. I love Lent. I love Advent but sometimes the secular Christmas stuff gets in the way of my being able to enjoy it as fully as I should. I love the rosary. I love the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and Mary. I love St. Michael and all the saints. I love all the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Reconciliation. I have also had the grace of having the anointing of the sick as well.
I love sitting in the quiet of a church before the blessed Sacrament. I love the prayers we have. I just love all of it.
Pray for me regarding the Latin Mass though - that is a real struggle. I'm good to go with just about everything else though. So for me, I'll keep living the Catholic Way because I know it will take me to Heaven.
My Catholic values and perspectives reflect in my life's choices. The teachings of the church guide my life. I love 99.9% of the Catholic Way of life. The only thing right now that I am struggling with, and hope to conquer someday, is the Latin Mass. I don't get it. But that is for another blog.
Tonight though, I am very pleased with the other 99.9% of Catholicism! Most of all of course, the Eucharist. Jesus remains so close to us in the Eucharist. Then we have all the heavenly angels and saints that help us. I bet sometimes we don't even know when we are getting some heavenly help by the angels and saints.
I am also grateful that God has given us holy priests to keep providing the Eucharist for us. We have to pray for our priests and for God to send us more.
I love the smell of incense. I love the sound of Church bells. I love all the colors in the liturgical year. I love the symbols of water, bread, wine, oil, etc.... I love the sacredness of the inside of a Catholic church. I love our rich history. I love the Bible. I love ordinary time and I love Holy Week. I love Lent. I love Advent but sometimes the secular Christmas stuff gets in the way of my being able to enjoy it as fully as I should. I love the rosary. I love the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and Mary. I love St. Michael and all the saints. I love all the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Reconciliation. I have also had the grace of having the anointing of the sick as well.
I love sitting in the quiet of a church before the blessed Sacrament. I love the prayers we have. I just love all of it.
Pray for me regarding the Latin Mass though - that is a real struggle. I'm good to go with just about everything else though. So for me, I'll keep living the Catholic Way because I know it will take me to Heaven.
Jul 6, 2010
Shhhhhh.......
How much silence have you had today?
How much did you talk when you should have listened?
What did you see with your eyes of faith today?
God speaks in a "still small voice". Unless we listen, how can we hear Him?
What does God's voice sound like? Do you recognize His voice?
Is your life crazy busy with no time for silence? If so, then tell yourself "Shhhhh", and quiet yourself in a secret spot known only to you and Jesus. Go there. Sit. Wait. Listen. Breathe. Listen some more. If your thoughts get busy, once again tell yourself "Shhhhhh".... don't rush. Don't expect to hear right away.
Wait on the Lord, and He will come.
And you will be amazed, but first you must "Shhhh........."
Have a blessed night.
How much did you talk when you should have listened?
What did you see with your eyes of faith today?
God speaks in a "still small voice". Unless we listen, how can we hear Him?
What does God's voice sound like? Do you recognize His voice?
Is your life crazy busy with no time for silence? If so, then tell yourself "Shhhhh", and quiet yourself in a secret spot known only to you and Jesus. Go there. Sit. Wait. Listen. Breathe. Listen some more. If your thoughts get busy, once again tell yourself "Shhhhhh".... don't rush. Don't expect to hear right away.
Wait on the Lord, and He will come.
And you will be amazed, but first you must "Shhhh........."
Have a blessed night.
Jul 5, 2010
Gone with the wind
All things are passing. This world as we know it will someday pass away and we will be given a new Heaven and a new Earth. Doesn't that just blow your mind?
So think about it: everything that we own will someday be gone. Our homes. Our furniture. Our clothes. Our cars. Our Dunkin' Donut cups. Our baseball mitts. Our TVs and our computers and our cell phones too. No more video games.
So what will be left? Just us and the essence of who we are. As the saying goes, "You can't take it with you."
It is kind of hard to think about not having any "stuff", isn't it? We rely on our stuff to get us through our days. What will we do without it?
We will worship our God. We will sing with the angels. I hope that is what I'll be doing anyway. I hope I make it to Heaven. I will be happy even if I just get inside the pearly gates (main entrance!).
I had a dream once. My grandfather had died and I was worried if he made it to Heaven or not. He didn't believe in God or Heaven. One night, about 3 months after his death, I had a dream. It was a "God dream" - short, to the point, very vivid and unforgetable. When my grandfather was alive I would tell him about Heaven (my understanding of it at 19 years of age.) and he would "poo poo" my comments. He would say that he didn't believe in Heaven, but if Hell existed he would probably be there. After his death I prayed so hard that he made it to Heaven.
Anyway, in this dream, my grandfather walked into the room. It was so real. I shouted GRANDPA and started to go to him. He said to me: "Don't touch me. I can't stay. I just came to tell you that Heaven is ten million times more beautiful that you said it was and I'll see you there." And then he left. I woke up. I had noticed in the dream that he was wearing a suit and tie and he had no shoes on. Several months later I was telling my grandmother about the dream. She also had some issues with God. I think what made her believe that it was true was how I described how he looked. You see, it was a closed casket wake. I never saw what my grandfather wore. I also didn't know that the funeral director gave his shoes to my grandmother, so he was buried without shoes on.
So, someday all of this around us will be gone with the wind - the wind and power of the Holy Spirit. What will remain will be "us" - all that God created us to be. We won't need our stuff because our eyes will be fixed on our sweet, beloved Jesus.
I'll have to remember I wrote all of this whenever I get sentimental about a "thing" and am trying to decide if I should give it away, or the next time I want to buy something that is rather frivolous.
Anyway, this is what I'm thinking about anyway. Have a blessed night.
So think about it: everything that we own will someday be gone. Our homes. Our furniture. Our clothes. Our cars. Our Dunkin' Donut cups. Our baseball mitts. Our TVs and our computers and our cell phones too. No more video games.
So what will be left? Just us and the essence of who we are. As the saying goes, "You can't take it with you."
It is kind of hard to think about not having any "stuff", isn't it? We rely on our stuff to get us through our days. What will we do without it?
We will worship our God. We will sing with the angels. I hope that is what I'll be doing anyway. I hope I make it to Heaven. I will be happy even if I just get inside the pearly gates (main entrance!).
I had a dream once. My grandfather had died and I was worried if he made it to Heaven or not. He didn't believe in God or Heaven. One night, about 3 months after his death, I had a dream. It was a "God dream" - short, to the point, very vivid and unforgetable. When my grandfather was alive I would tell him about Heaven (my understanding of it at 19 years of age.) and he would "poo poo" my comments. He would say that he didn't believe in Heaven, but if Hell existed he would probably be there. After his death I prayed so hard that he made it to Heaven.
Anyway, in this dream, my grandfather walked into the room. It was so real. I shouted GRANDPA and started to go to him. He said to me: "Don't touch me. I can't stay. I just came to tell you that Heaven is ten million times more beautiful that you said it was and I'll see you there." And then he left. I woke up. I had noticed in the dream that he was wearing a suit and tie and he had no shoes on. Several months later I was telling my grandmother about the dream. She also had some issues with God. I think what made her believe that it was true was how I described how he looked. You see, it was a closed casket wake. I never saw what my grandfather wore. I also didn't know that the funeral director gave his shoes to my grandmother, so he was buried without shoes on.
So, someday all of this around us will be gone with the wind - the wind and power of the Holy Spirit. What will remain will be "us" - all that God created us to be. We won't need our stuff because our eyes will be fixed on our sweet, beloved Jesus.
I'll have to remember I wrote all of this whenever I get sentimental about a "thing" and am trying to decide if I should give it away, or the next time I want to buy something that is rather frivolous.
Anyway, this is what I'm thinking about anyway. Have a blessed night.
Jul 4, 2010
What is this world coming to?
Lately I've been a bit overwhelmed with all the immorality and disrespect in our world. Are there no more men who are gentlemen? Are there no more women who are ladies?
Seems to me that so many people don't think twice about using vulgar language. Don't they know that they are called to be so much more than what they present to the world through talking that way?
It seems like the good are outnumbered by the bad. It seems like the negative widely overshadows the positive. It can be depressing.
But I am holding on to Jesus and trusting that it will all work out in the end. The weeds live among the wheat, but Jesus' words will not come back void.
In the mean time all I can do is pray and try to be a good person. I do need to find more positive people to hang out with though in order to counteract all the negativity I face very day.
Sometimes between the stress of my J.O.B., all the horrible stuff on the news, and some of the negative people I come in contact with each day in our consumeristic selfish American culture, I get so overwhelmed.
I'm glad I can run to Jesus in prayer, receive Him in the Eucharist, and all the other positive things I get out of being Catholic....because in the end, what the world is coming to is the fulfillment of God's word, and then all will be well.
Seems to me that so many people don't think twice about using vulgar language. Don't they know that they are called to be so much more than what they present to the world through talking that way?
It seems like the good are outnumbered by the bad. It seems like the negative widely overshadows the positive. It can be depressing.
But I am holding on to Jesus and trusting that it will all work out in the end. The weeds live among the wheat, but Jesus' words will not come back void.
In the mean time all I can do is pray and try to be a good person. I do need to find more positive people to hang out with though in order to counteract all the negativity I face very day.
Sometimes between the stress of my J.O.B., all the horrible stuff on the news, and some of the negative people I come in contact with each day in our consumeristic selfish American culture, I get so overwhelmed.
I'm glad I can run to Jesus in prayer, receive Him in the Eucharist, and all the other positive things I get out of being Catholic....because in the end, what the world is coming to is the fulfillment of God's word, and then all will be well.
Jul 1, 2010
The Thing About Prayer....
I think that the big secret to prayer is perseverance. We must not give up praying even if we feel like we don't want to, or can't get "into" it.
I think the thing about prayer is that we have to commit to prayer and make it part of our routine and then stick to it. Again, perseverance.
If we persevere in prayer, God will honor that we are trying. He will see our faith and that we are trying from the depths of our being, and He will bless us for our commitment to Him.
So I want to encourage everyone reading this to pick a time every day, even if it is 10 minutes, and make that your prayer time. Also choose a prayer place for yourself.
If you have a set place and time, then you have to "stock" the place like they stock rivers and lakes with fish. Stock your time with what you will need - a Bible, a prayer journal, a prayer book, etc...
If you have the place, the time, and the materials, all you will need to do is get yourself there! My favorite place is in front of the tabernacle - third pew in front of the Tabernacle - in my little Catholic Church. Lately I haven't been able to go there so my second choice is either a holy island not too far from where I live or my newly constructed, home made little chapel upstairs! The in-my-home chapel is really neat because I can go there even in the middle of the night and even in my pajamas! It is so peaceful. It isn't anything fancy, but it is very special.
So anyway, the thing about prayer is to do it and to not give up, have a place and a time and you are on your way! Jesus will do the rest!
Can I get an Amen to that?
I think the thing about prayer is that we have to commit to prayer and make it part of our routine and then stick to it. Again, perseverance.
If we persevere in prayer, God will honor that we are trying. He will see our faith and that we are trying from the depths of our being, and He will bless us for our commitment to Him.
So I want to encourage everyone reading this to pick a time every day, even if it is 10 minutes, and make that your prayer time. Also choose a prayer place for yourself.
If you have a set place and time, then you have to "stock" the place like they stock rivers and lakes with fish. Stock your time with what you will need - a Bible, a prayer journal, a prayer book, etc...
If you have the place, the time, and the materials, all you will need to do is get yourself there! My favorite place is in front of the tabernacle - third pew in front of the Tabernacle - in my little Catholic Church. Lately I haven't been able to go there so my second choice is either a holy island not too far from where I live or my newly constructed, home made little chapel upstairs! The in-my-home chapel is really neat because I can go there even in the middle of the night and even in my pajamas! It is so peaceful. It isn't anything fancy, but it is very special.
So anyway, the thing about prayer is to do it and to not give up, have a place and a time and you are on your way! Jesus will do the rest!
Can I get an Amen to that?
Jun 29, 2010
The perspective on Purgatory and the lifting up of our suffering
I've been thinking about Purgatory and it seems to me that some people, perhaps most people, might be fearful of Purgatory. The more I think of it, the more I am excited to go there. I think we need to be more fearful of earth rather than Purgatory.
There are more distractions on earth to pull us away from our focus on God. But in Purgatory our souls' focus is to get to Heaven. There are no distractions. It is pure purgation - cleansing our souls and making us ready to enter Heaven. So that is nothing to be afraid of. Sure it might be painful, but I think in some ways earth must be a lot more painful than purgatory. We can lose focus while on earth. We can lose our faith. There are so many things coming against us on earth. Once in Purgatory the soul knows that the next stop is Heaven.
I won't belabor this topic. I just ask you to think about it. Bring it to prayer.
The second thing I've been thinking about is suffering and how it can be dangerous to us if we don't lift it up to Jesus and join it with his suffering on the cross. If we don't lift it up, the suffering and its effects stay with us and it assaults our bodies and souls. But on the other hand, if we take it, but don't hold it, but join it to his passion, then it has redemptive value. That might be part of the problem we have on earth. Perhaps many of us well meaning Christian people willingly take on the suffering given to us each day, and we may even ask to take on the suffering of those we love to spare them the pain, but if we stop there we might get ourselves into trouble. Instead, if we let the suffering pass through us and up to the cross, then we learn from it, become more compassionate from the experience, but then realize that we can't heal it or take it away: that by giving it to Jesus we are dealing with suffering in the correct way. (too long of a sentence I know, but I'm tired.)
These are my thoughts anyway. I hope they are all correct and in line with Jesus' teachings because I don't want to say anything in error. I just want to share my thoughts because if I hold them in my mind I will never fall asleep tonight.
There are more distractions on earth to pull us away from our focus on God. But in Purgatory our souls' focus is to get to Heaven. There are no distractions. It is pure purgation - cleansing our souls and making us ready to enter Heaven. So that is nothing to be afraid of. Sure it might be painful, but I think in some ways earth must be a lot more painful than purgatory. We can lose focus while on earth. We can lose our faith. There are so many things coming against us on earth. Once in Purgatory the soul knows that the next stop is Heaven.
I won't belabor this topic. I just ask you to think about it. Bring it to prayer.
The second thing I've been thinking about is suffering and how it can be dangerous to us if we don't lift it up to Jesus and join it with his suffering on the cross. If we don't lift it up, the suffering and its effects stay with us and it assaults our bodies and souls. But on the other hand, if we take it, but don't hold it, but join it to his passion, then it has redemptive value. That might be part of the problem we have on earth. Perhaps many of us well meaning Christian people willingly take on the suffering given to us each day, and we may even ask to take on the suffering of those we love to spare them the pain, but if we stop there we might get ourselves into trouble. Instead, if we let the suffering pass through us and up to the cross, then we learn from it, become more compassionate from the experience, but then realize that we can't heal it or take it away: that by giving it to Jesus we are dealing with suffering in the correct way. (too long of a sentence I know, but I'm tired.)
These are my thoughts anyway. I hope they are all correct and in line with Jesus' teachings because I don't want to say anything in error. I just want to share my thoughts because if I hold them in my mind I will never fall asleep tonight.
Jun 23, 2010
The harvest is plenty and the laborers are few...
Today I was reminded that there are so many needs in our world and not enough workers.
I think the laborers are few because many people choose to be selfish and shut their ears to the voice of God. who is constantly calling us. Some people don't believe in God or flounder when it comes to seriously following Him. Some talk the talk, but don't walk the walk if you know what I mean. You know the people whose faith in God disappears the minute they drive out of the church parking lot on Sundays? The message doesn't stick in their hearts.
Picture a football stadium full of screaming, healthy, enthusiastic fans. Most have jobs ( they paid for a ticket to get in didn't they? ). Most have time on their hands ( they have time to go to a ball game, don't they? ). A percentage of them probably volunteer their time at their church or through their community to one cause or another. Most, but not all. What if the rest of the people in the stadium also chose to reach out and help their fellow humans? How would the world be different?
What if, every day, everyone who was physically and emotionally able to, went beyond their own little worlds and personal interests and did something good to help someone else?
I read a book once that said we would accomplish so much more in our personal lives if we did just one thing each day towards our own goals - whether business or personal goals? I started doing that. Each day I make a little progress towards some goal.
You know, we can all be philanthropists in God's Kingdom because we all hold some wealth within us. I've discovered that we don't have to be multi-millionaires to be philanthropists. If we have $ 2.00 we can give 20 cents. If we have two apples, we can give one away. If we have two bottles of water, we can give one away or put a small bowl of water outside for the birds to enjoy a drink.
I think it would be a good idea if, when we all get up tomorrow morning, we decided that for just one day we will be "philanthropists for Jesus" - with or without money -with our time or talents. Not even the smallest offering of a gift will be rejected by God.
If we do that, then maybe we will have more laborers for the harvest. These are my thoughts for tonight. Thank you for listening.
I think the laborers are few because many people choose to be selfish and shut their ears to the voice of God. who is constantly calling us. Some people don't believe in God or flounder when it comes to seriously following Him. Some talk the talk, but don't walk the walk if you know what I mean. You know the people whose faith in God disappears the minute they drive out of the church parking lot on Sundays? The message doesn't stick in their hearts.
Picture a football stadium full of screaming, healthy, enthusiastic fans. Most have jobs ( they paid for a ticket to get in didn't they? ). Most have time on their hands ( they have time to go to a ball game, don't they? ). A percentage of them probably volunteer their time at their church or through their community to one cause or another. Most, but not all. What if the rest of the people in the stadium also chose to reach out and help their fellow humans? How would the world be different?
What if, every day, everyone who was physically and emotionally able to, went beyond their own little worlds and personal interests and did something good to help someone else?
I read a book once that said we would accomplish so much more in our personal lives if we did just one thing each day towards our own goals - whether business or personal goals? I started doing that. Each day I make a little progress towards some goal.
You know, we can all be philanthropists in God's Kingdom because we all hold some wealth within us. I've discovered that we don't have to be multi-millionaires to be philanthropists. If we have $ 2.00 we can give 20 cents. If we have two apples, we can give one away. If we have two bottles of water, we can give one away or put a small bowl of water outside for the birds to enjoy a drink.
I think it would be a good idea if, when we all get up tomorrow morning, we decided that for just one day we will be "philanthropists for Jesus" - with or without money -with our time or talents. Not even the smallest offering of a gift will be rejected by God.
If we do that, then maybe we will have more laborers for the harvest. These are my thoughts for tonight. Thank you for listening.
Jun 21, 2010
Random thoughts on a very warm summer's night
Do you ever feel that you don't fit in anywhere? I do. Most of the time, as a matter of fact. The one place I do fit in however, is in the palm of God's hand. I know He will always welcome me and will always be glad to see me. There are days when other human beings won't even give me the time of day, but God is always there.
I miss it when I can't spend as much time as I want with Jesus, especially in the Blessed Sacrament. Lately I haven't had as much time and when I have had time, I am restless. My spirit wants to be quiet, but my mind is very active and distractions abound.
Maybe this is happening because summer is here and there are so many more outside things to do. Summer used to be a time of relaxation and rest and fun. The last few summers for me have been very busy with work and commitments. If anything, I am busier in the summer than any other time of year.
But, I am glad that I am fairly healthy and can do a lot of things, so I suppose I shouldn't complain. I have to keep better tabs on my schedule so I can get a little more prayer time and a little more fun in my life.
Jesus, please help me to know your will. Amen.
I miss it when I can't spend as much time as I want with Jesus, especially in the Blessed Sacrament. Lately I haven't had as much time and when I have had time, I am restless. My spirit wants to be quiet, but my mind is very active and distractions abound.
Maybe this is happening because summer is here and there are so many more outside things to do. Summer used to be a time of relaxation and rest and fun. The last few summers for me have been very busy with work and commitments. If anything, I am busier in the summer than any other time of year.
But, I am glad that I am fairly healthy and can do a lot of things, so I suppose I shouldn't complain. I have to keep better tabs on my schedule so I can get a little more prayer time and a little more fun in my life.
Jesus, please help me to know your will. Amen.
Jun 18, 2010
Blink ! Twinkle ! Blink !
About 9:30 tonight I went to shut my back door. As I did so, I noticed that in the darkness there were fireflies flitting around. Here and there I would see little flashes of light. I was mesmerized by this all natural light show. I stood there for several minutes and watched.
It is making me think of several things related to my faith. One being that we are called to be lights in the darkness and to let our little lights shine. These fireflies were doing that as a reminder that we have to do the same.
Another way this backyard scene related to my faith was that I was aware of how very dark it was outside, and that is like the world we are in right now in human history. There is a lot of darkness. But when I focused on the fireflies the darkness didn't bother me so much. It is sort of like how we have to focus on Jesus to have some balance. We are called to be people of light, to search for the Light of Christ in our world and to be beacons of light walking into the darkness.
This night time scene was also very beautiful because of the way the fireflies flickered and moved and danced. It was very unique. Our faith is like that. Our faith moves and dances in so many ways. We have beautiful rituals and symbols of faith and light. Just think of the four candles on an Advent wreath. The Easter Candle lit on the Easter Vigil. The candles lit at every Mass. The light of Christ shining through the saints throughout history.
I thank God for that little experience tonight. It was simple, yet profound. I never knew a simple walk to my back door and a gaze out into the yard would evoke such personal reflections.
God can use so many things to remind us that He is with us and working around us. Thank you Jesus. These are my thoughts for this almost summer night.
It is making me think of several things related to my faith. One being that we are called to be lights in the darkness and to let our little lights shine. These fireflies were doing that as a reminder that we have to do the same.
Another way this backyard scene related to my faith was that I was aware of how very dark it was outside, and that is like the world we are in right now in human history. There is a lot of darkness. But when I focused on the fireflies the darkness didn't bother me so much. It is sort of like how we have to focus on Jesus to have some balance. We are called to be people of light, to search for the Light of Christ in our world and to be beacons of light walking into the darkness.
This night time scene was also very beautiful because of the way the fireflies flickered and moved and danced. It was very unique. Our faith is like that. Our faith moves and dances in so many ways. We have beautiful rituals and symbols of faith and light. Just think of the four candles on an Advent wreath. The Easter Candle lit on the Easter Vigil. The candles lit at every Mass. The light of Christ shining through the saints throughout history.
I thank God for that little experience tonight. It was simple, yet profound. I never knew a simple walk to my back door and a gaze out into the yard would evoke such personal reflections.
God can use so many things to remind us that He is with us and working around us. Thank you Jesus. These are my thoughts for this almost summer night.
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